Sendak’s Not-so-Wild Things

Researching last week’s piece on tattooing revived somewhat my old interest in Polynesian culture. With no pig to stick or roast, I had to indulge my enthusiasm the virtual way — by watching a YouTube clip in which a mixed group of Maoris performs a war chant. The effect was suitably horrifying. The performers managed to sustain their fury till the end — a theatrical coup when you consider none of the chanters had much reason to be angry at anyone in the audience. In comparison, the Zulu war songs in the movie Zulu are more awesome, but it’s their harmonic complexity that inspires the awe and renders them, paradoxically, too beautiful to be altogether frightening. I daresay even I were cowering behind a sack of meal, the men of the hostile impi jabbing their aasegais at the place where my Adam’s apple would be if I raised my head, I wouldn’t be able to resist humming along.

But not even in the movies would Welsh soldiers interrupt a Maori chanting party by striking up a song of their own. To an English-speaker unfamiliar with Maori, the words sound an awful lot like ‘SHUTTHEFUCKUP,” and their delivery suggests that might not be so far from their actual meaning.

The memory of these bone-chilling imprecations returns to me as I search for the words to explain why I’ve never quite bought the late Maurice Sendak as a master of darkness. I read both In the Night Kitchen and Where the Wild Things Are when I was three, as receptive and impressionable an age as the author could want. And neither of the damn books scared me for a second. The Wild Things might have had terrible teeth and claws, but in every other respect they were cute. As potential threats, they were about as convincing as Elmer Fudd. Mickey’s nudity did weird me out slightly, but it was clear it didn’t weird him out a bit. In escaping the Oliver Hardy clones, he never loses his smartassed grin for an instant.

It wasn’t until turning six that I found myself really shaken by anything in literature. The book was Great Expectations, from which my mother read me a chapter every night before bedtime. When Magwitch ordered Pip to bring him a file and some rations “or I’ll have your lungs and liver out,” my hands flew to my ears. I felt the terror of helplessness before something strong and pitiless. In fact, for many years, I misremembered Magwitch’s threat as “I’ll eat your lungs and liver,” which may explain why I’ve spent a good part of my life making my own lungs and liver completely indigestible.*

This was the effect the Maoris had on me. The chant was so fierce, and so deadly serious, that I was able to smother any association I had of grown men in loincloths with Robert Bly. Instead, I heard the crack of a war club against my own skull. Switching to a modern context, I saw myself meeting a Maori in a bar, getting ever so slightly wide, and flying face-first through a window to become an unprotesting receptacle for dozens of Maori fists and boots. Any author (or author-illustrator) who can achieve this effect with the tools at his disposal can mark a reader for life, and not necessarily in a bad way. Horror is nothing if not thrilling; well-remembered horror represents a renewable resource.

In the New Yorker’s “Postscript,” Adam Gopnik writes: “What [Sendak's] people seek is what we all seek: calm amid the storm of the world. They are studies in unostentatious courage—Max and Mickey don’t act out; they just carry on.” Resilience is an admirable quality, but it makes for dull reading unless some effort is made to dramatize the blips in it, those occasions where the hero or heroine is sure she’s going to lose, and goes slightly to pieces. It’s the moments when Bugs Bunny cries, “Yikes,” and when his ears sag in anticipation of doom, that make him a sympathetic — and relatively complex — character. Has anyone ever really given a tuppeny dam’ about the unflappable Road Runner?

Perrault and the Grimm brothers demonstrate just how possible this is when writing for very young readers. When we meet Cinderella, she’s been screwed royally by life, and experiences every one of her indignities to the fullest. If her fairy godmother offers her a better break than most of us can ever hope to get, it comes with all sorts of weird conditions, not unlike a credit card offer. In James and the Giant Peach, among other books, Roald Dahl employs the same pattern. Aunts Spiker and Sponge are so vile in their persons, and James Henry Trotter’s life with them so degraded, that hanging around with a bunch of giant, mutant insects seems like spring break in comparison. Beat that, anyone.

In an essay, Sendak recalled one of his first serious efforts at fiction, which he illustrated — and co-wrote with an older sister — at the age of nine or thereabouts. Titled “The Inseparables,” its title characters were a brother and sister who, like Tony and Cesca Carmonte in the original Scarface, were madly in love with one another. As they do for Tony and Cesca, things go badly for the Sendaks’ pair; the brother crashes his car and ends up in the hospital, bandaged from head to toe. Rather than accept this brake to their passion, the two lovers leap from a window, crying, “WE ARE INSEPARABLE,” and go splat.

In Sendak’s account, the story delighted his family, who provided him with his very first lecture-circuit stop. If Mom, Dad or a well-meaning uncle thought to take him aside and explain gently that brother-sister hookups are considered seriously uncool, even in royal families, he never mentions it. Although Sendak did go on to take a melancholy tone in some books for older kids, I’d say the gifts that first revealed themselves in “The Inseparables” are the ones that drove him ahead of the pack. These boil down to a whimsicality that domesticates the perverse and bizarre, making them fun, as the saying goes, for the whole family. That ain’t hay, but anyone who wants to give me nightmares is going to have to try a little harder.

*It turns out my memory is both worse and better than I gave it credit for. According to the Project Gutenberg edition, Magwitch threatens to extract Pip’s heart and liver. However, he adds that they’ll be “roasted, and ate.”

Cautionary Tales for Adults

Seven years before Uncle Tom’s Cabin hit the shelves, a German psychiatrist named Heinrich Hoffmann published a compelling plea for racial tolerance. In Der Struwwelpeter, which promises “Merry Tales and Funny Pictures” for children, we find a gang of young Aryan ruffians teasing “a woolly-headed black-a-moor.” St. Nicholas (for some reason, called “Agrippa” in the English translation) sees what’s going on and warns them: “Boys, leave the Black-a-moor alone!/For, if he tries with all his might/ He cannot change from black to white.” When he realizes he’s wasting his breath, St. Nick “foams with rage,” and dips the boys in a giant inkstand. When last we see them:

They have been made as black as crows,
Quite black all over, eyes and nose,
And legs, and arms, and heads, and toes,
And trousers, pinafores, and toys—
The silly little inky boys!

“The black-a-moor,” Hoffmann assures readers, “enjoys the fun” of seeing them made thus.

Certainly generations of readers enjoyed the fun – or at any rate, their parents did. For Hoffman had hit on a winning formula: show bad kids getting their just desserts and then some, and people will love you for it. Authors were quick to publish their own I-Can-Read versions of Dante, in some cases improving on Hoffman. In Cautionary Tales for Children, published in 1907, Hilaire Belloc commands young readers to empathize with Jim, who breaks free of his nurse while visiting the zoo, and flies right into the maw of Ponto, a hungry lion:

Now just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it…

In Slovenly Betsy, a sequel aimed especially at girls, Hoffman turns up the juice even higher. His Cry-Baby, ignoring her mother’s exhortations to bear adversity with a smile, cries her eyes literally out:

And now the poor creature is cautiously crawling
And feeling her way all around
And now from their sockets her eyeballs are falling
See, there they are down on the ground.

Even she gets a better deal, arguably, than Romping Polly, whose leg snaps off below the knee. Rather than give Polly the brio to overcome her disability and lead a full life, like that kid in Soul Surfer, Hoffman tells us she “went on crutches, it is said/Until she died so dreary.”

You could trace the evolution of the genre all the way to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and beyond. My point is, why doesn’t anyone write macabre moralizing verses for misbehaving adults? We’re the ones with the discretionary spending money, and – it could be argued – the really serious behavioral problems. Some might find us beyond redemption, but I refuse to believe it.

Well, I’ve composed my own modest contributions: “Brilliant Benny” and “Sexy Marta.” I’ve decided to stay local, where my expertise is. I know nothing about, say, genocide or Ponzi schemes, but I do regard myself as an somewhat of an authority on Internet culture. Both Benny’s mistakes and Marta’s are ever-present temptations in cyberspace. If my portrayals seem other than fond, take my word that such an impression would be misleading. I identify with both of these poor sinners strongly.

Brilliant Benny knew his stuff
In law and economics;
His bearing was both bold and gruff,
His apercus sardonic.

But Benny flew into a rage
At any contradiction,
Like children in the early stage
Of some mental affliction.

He’d huff and snort and stamp his feet
And sputter ghastly curses.
Embarrassed friends would cross the street
As strangers clutched their purses.

He learned, at length, to keep it light,
To hold aloof from quarrels –
But on the ‘net, alone at night,
He let fly with both barrels.

“I find quite ludicrous,” he’d post,
“Your claim to teach in high school.
Your arguments, like melba toast,
Snap right in two – goodbye, fool!”

He earned a rep; his Nietzsche av
Struck terror ‘cross the Web.
“Don’t mess with Benny, or he’ll have
Your head – he’s a celeb!”

Up stepped a rival one fine day,
A kid with a J.D.
She chewed up Ben like a mad moray
For the virtual world to see.

“Your readings are pathetic, facile;
Your posturing is lame.
Try getting a life, you obnoxious [censored by filter]!
Never mind – mommy’s calling your name.”

Nothing Benny posted back
Undid his verbal castration.
For calling a mod a partisan hack,
He was banned – to jubilation.

Sexy Marta, in her youth,
Was tanned and toned and depilated;
Many years in tanning booths
Left her wrinkled, desiccated.

Wanting love as we all do,
She made a point to advertise.
On Facebook, she threw up a slew
Of old pictures that drew men like flies.

See her now on Goa’s beaches,
Pouting like a hoyden;
With line-free tan, her bare back preaches
She finds bikini tops a burden.

Handsome Frank, who thought her hot,
Begged recent photos hourly,
Poor Marta, who dared send them not,
Would answer somewhat sourly:

“I don’t have time to pose these days
Maybe once I get my hair done.”
Frank, in love’s benighting haze,
Just wrote back, “Okay, sounds like fun.”

Their romancing progressed apace
From Internet to phone,
Till Frank, emboldened, played his ace:
“Let’s meet in person – us, alone!

“I’ve got time off and airline miles,
And friends right in your city.
You’ve ensnared me with your wiles;
Now pony up, for love or pity.”

Long story short: the two did meet;
Frank grabbed the check at Sonic.
He said, “I think you’re awfully sweet,
Let’s keep this thing platonic.”

Oedipus in the Heartland, Choruses in the Combox

Last night, the Anchoress blogged on a peculiar prank that parents, in collusion with the faculty of a Minnesota high school, played on their kids. First, the kids, all star athletes, were given blindfolds and led into the school’s crowded gym. Next, each blindfolded jock received a kiss from what the write-up describes as his or her “opposite-sex parent.” At least to all appearances, many of the kisses were distinctly other than parental. Still blindfolded, each blushing kissee then guessed the identity of the kisser; each guessed wrong. (One kid praised his mother’s “luscious lips.”) The blindfolds were removed to general hilarity.

Now, I don’t imagine for a moment that any of these parents were acting out incestuous impulses. More likely, they were just trying to make their kids look like total dorks in front of their friends. Still, at least with me, the incest taboo is deeply enough ingrained that nothing I write in these folks’ defense can keep my skin from crawling.

By funny coincidence, my discovery of this video coincided with the end a long and heated conversation I had with a friend over the role of guilt in maintaining a healthy and orderly society. She recalled her nephew’s triumphant broadcast over FB of his girlfriend’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy and wondered whether to take it as a symptom of a new general jadedness, a dangerous immunity to guilt. Unconvinced, I told her she sounded like a scold. Having seen the video, do I still hold to that judgment? We’ll just have to see.

To test the proposition, I decided to dramatize the scene, borrowing some key phrases from a much older story of a guy who unwittingly violates the incest taboo – namely, the story of the guilt-ridden Oedipus, king of Thebes, as told by Sophocles. Since comboxes offer modern-day ‘net surfers a sense of how the average person interprets and applies society’s norms, I toggled to the page housing Yahoo!’s article to impress some of the posters into service as a chorus. Finding, to my surprise, a variety of opinions, I decided the scene would work best with several competing choruses. Maybe that’s the most realistic update to Oedipus right there.

Mom and blindfolded Son are exchanging a rather too-intimate kiss. Mom breaks the embrace and removed the blindfold. As Son gasps, the lights reveal Baisyl, Nick, T.C. and Bear all forming a loose circle around the couple, in postures that betray their attitude toward the scene they’ve just witnessed.

Baisyl:
What kind of parent would make out with their child, and move their hand to touch their @#$%! If this happened in my high school, none of us would be laughing; we’d be dead silent ‘cause this is just repulsive and wrong. I mean a peck is fine, but these parents were way too into kissing their children. I’d kill my father if he ever did this to me and never think of him the same ever again!

Son:
My mom is kind of funny – not a textbook mom at all. She watches Twilight and Misfits and sometimes calls guys “bitch.” Her hand didn’t really touch my glutes; it just stopped at the spinal erectors. And speaking of erectors, I didn’t get one, I swear!

Nick:
How do you compare child sex abuse to this? This is a prank that has been around since the 80′s and has nothing to do with molesting kids. Like it or not, don’t compare it to something so horrible.

Mom:
Nick’s got a point. I bathed my son a lot when he was small. If I was going to bad-touch him, would I not have done it then? And what about that time last week I walked into his room and caught him going Number Three? All I did was holler, “Jesus Christ!” and run.

T.C.:
I can’t stop laughing. Oh, my God, Okay, so I’m mean and enjoy judging people. If i went to that school, they would not live this down. I’d poke fun DAILY. Who wants to be known as the “kid who kissed their parent?”

Son:
This bites! My skill was matchless; I thought I’d win honor above all men, like Tim Tebow. But the video’s gone viral; thanks to social media I’ll be The Kid Who Kissed Their Parent — the most abhorred of men! And if T.C. ever sees me, she’ll poke fun. They say, “It gets better,” but that’s only if you’re gay. The Kid Who Kissed Their Parent gets banished for impiety.

Bear:
Too bad you’re dumb enough to see what they want you to see, and you think it’s bad because they said. What happened to thinking for yourself? Nothing was sex; it’s a kiss, and who says how long ? There was no tongue, was there? My God, what happened to having fun? You people suck!

Son:
If we suck, Bear, it’s because our eyes suck. They didn’t see the atrocious things I suffered, the dreadful things I did. So for now and all future time be dark!

Son pulls sharp broaches out of his pocket and moves as if to stab out his eyes. Mom seizes his wrists.

Mom:
Son, don’t be retarded. Do you think that if you blind yourself, you’ll end up in a place where no one, no living human being will cross your path? Fat chance of that; you’ll end up in a self-contained classroom with kids from your home district. They’ll have seen the video, or if they’re blind, they’ll have heard it. And don’t think just because a kid is in a wheelchair that he can’t poke fun. A girl with cystic fibrosis was the biggest bitch I ever knew. When I heard she died, I toasted her death with Dos Equis and Patron.

Son:
Oh, crap! Oh, crap! How miserable I am…such wretchedness! Where do I go? All the college recruiters will have seen this. And the army, too! The memory of aching shame! Why should I have eyes when nothing I could see would bring me joy?

Mom:
You know what? I’m getting sick of this. You’re practically a grown-up; if your eyes crave the agony of stabbing broaches – fine. I’m not going to stand here and watch you make a scene. Remember this, though, buddy, Mom’s leaving now. Come along, or grope your own way home. And I don’t want you waking me up with a lot of pissing and moaning about the dark horrors wrapped around you. The hand that stabs out your eyes will be yours and yours alone, so if you’re unhappy in your fate and in your mind, tweet it or something.

Son:
But Mom, if a man manifests no fear of righteousness, shouldn’t miserable fate seize him for his disastrous arrogance? It’s like, if I scratch somebody’s car, I’m supposed to leave a note. If I get too drunk to drive myself home, I’m supposed to call you. If I kiss you, I’m supposed to blind myself. Otherwise, why should we dance to honor god? It’s a no-brainer.

Mom:
I’ve seen you dance – you look like a man completely lost and utterly accursed. What I’m telling you is, it’s best to live haphazardly. Our lives are ruled by chance. Remember that guy at the intersection? The one in lycra, on the $1,500 road bike? The one you called, “Faggot!” and struck on the head with your staff? That was your father. The police just texted; he’s dead. If he’d stuck to his stationary bike like a normal person, he’d have finished his cardio workout in time to ride with us. Your father’s dead through fate, and not through you.

Son:
Fate, huh?

Mom:
Look, I may get a little short with you sometimes, but I care about your well-being – what I tell you is for your own benefit. Forget about a kiss – it’s true that in their dreams a lot of men have slept with their own mothers. To tell you the truth, in their dreams, a lot of men have slept with your own mother. So if anyone pokes fun, Skipper, if anyone makes you feel like you’ve committed the most atrocious act human beings can commit, remember — that person’s just jealous. And insecure. Now let’s get out of here.

Son hesitates.

Mom:
Buy you some beer.

Son:
A case?

Mom:
A twelve-pack.

Son shuffles to Mom’s side; Mom throws an arm around his shoulders and leads him offstage. We hear a smacking sound.

Mom:
Nice glutes, unhappy man.

Son:
Mom!