God Guides Perry's Life

Rick Perry spoke at Liberty University and told them that God has been guiding his life for as long as he can remember:

Perry described how “all through life there have been these supernatural events” of God sending him signals, providing one example where God sent a “real clear message” to him by using rain to stop him from leaving Texas. “You go through my life and there have been so many of those events that occurred and I don’t get confused, it wasn’t coincidence,” Perry explained, “it was God’s hands on my life, guiding me in the ways He wanted me to be, and I truly believe He has me here at a time such as this.”

Yes, God wants you specifically to run for president and win. He’s “lifting you up” to save America. Christians say these things thinking that they’re being humble, but in fact it’s the exact opposite. It’s incredibly arrogant.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgpDnXcuhD8

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • Aquaria

    God sent a “real clear message” to him by using rain to stop him from leaving Texas.

    Rick, Rick, Rick. You’re wanting to leave Texas now, but you’re praying for rain when you saw what it did to you last time?

    As usual, this chump makes no sense.

    Imagine the bumper sticker, though: Pray for Rain to keep Rick Perry in Texas where he belongs!

  • bryonyvaughn

    Pretend you’re a psychiatrist. The Emergency Department calls you in for a psych consult for a man who believe his plan to move for work is why God sent a record breaking rainfall which caused severe flash flooding throughout the region. He tells you God has called him to be president while he admits things were going to pot in his current position. When asked how he reconciles the two, he explains God wants people to suffer to rely on Him and as an instrument of human suffering, he is God’s anointed.

    Could you possibly imagine this man was grounded in reality?

    One huge concern I have about such fervent Christianity is its ability to camouflage mental illness as heightened spirituality. It’s bad enough when individuals suffer from going untreated. It’s frickin’ scary when people follow deranged individuals as their savior.

  • helenaconstantine

    For some reason, belief in god is considered normative and sane by the psychiatric profession (at one time, at least, answering that one does not believe in god was a red flag on the MMI).

    But imagine the same psych consult in which the patient says exactly the same things as Perry, except instead of god, he says Semyaza. He’s be put under observation pretty quickly.

  • Modusoperandi

    helenaconstantine, sure, you mock now, but when Semyaza calls the

    Followers of Time and Space and Cocoa to

    The Infinite Kindergarten in the Land of Plenty and Plenty More (and Also 100% of Your Daily Requirement of 16 Essential Vitamides and Nutraminsts) with

    The Horn of Calling or Leaving a Voicemail if You Are Out and Get Back to Him When You Can (He Doesn’t Want to be a Bother), your smile will be turned upside down, becoming The Frown of the Opposite of Smilingness.

  • dingojack

    MO – “The Horn of Calling or Leaving a Voicemail if You Are Out and Get Back to Him When You Can (He Doesn’t Want to be a Bother)”

    Hey, I found one of those in a dungeon once!

    That’s +16 against Silence spells if you’re a level 10 Magic User, right?

    😉 Dingo

  • andrew

    fear not, Texans! Drought is merely God raising up future Republican presidential candidates!