WND’s Cosmic Numerological Nonsense

The Worldnutdaily is promoting the work of a lunatic named Tom Horn, who claims that in 2012 either the world will end or the Antichrist will appear. Or both. Or something else. And it’s all made perfectly obvious when you run a bunch of symbols through his secret bullshit decoder ring.

See, the Mayan calendar supposedly ends on Dec. 21, 2012 — the winter solstice. Rational people couldn’t care less, of course, but crazy people get the vapors over it. But Horn has done some Glenn Beck-level symbolic interpretation of lots of other calendars and symbols as well and they all point to the same date. Except when they don’t, and then he just makes shit up. Like this:

What’s perhaps most fascinating is Horn’s discussion of what could be the mother of all conspiracy theories, dating back to the Bible’s Book of Genesis, involving Noah’s great grandson Nimrod, who not only built the famous Tower of Babel, but is the “mighty hunter” who scholars believe became worshipped as the sun god, with names such as Osiris in Egypt and Apollo in Greece.

Horn says from deepest antiquity, a plot involving pagan sun-worshippers, America’s Founding Fathers, Masons and Freemasons has apparently been in the works, culminating in the end time with the return or resurrection of an evil, supernatural being. That character may actually be pictured as the all-seeing eye on top of the uncapped pyramid on the Great Seal of the United States, found on the back of a $1 bill.

The date at the base of the pyramid is 1776, which is not only the year the Declaration of Independence was signed, but also the beginning of a new Mayan “katun,” a time period of 19.7 years. If each of the 13 levels of the pyramid on the Great Seal represents one of these time periods, the top level would mark the year 2012.

The Latin phrase “Novus ordo seclorum” is part of the American seal, and translates to “New order of the ages,” which some fear is what many U.S. presidents, including George Herbert Walker Bush, allude to when they use the phrase, “New World Order.” …

He says another high-profile piece that may hold end-time clues is the famous painting in the Rotunda of the Capitol, titled “The Apotheosis of George Washington.” The word “apotheosis” means to deify or elevate to divine status, and Washington is depicted being resurrected and becoming divine…

Those who believe the United States was founded on Christianity and visit the Capitol for the first time will be surprised by the stark contrast to historic Christian artwork of the ascension of Jesus Christ compared to the “heaven” George Washington rises into from within the energized Capitol Dome/womb of Isis. It is not occupied by angels, but with devils and pagan deities important to Masonic belief. These include Hermes, Neptune, Venus (Isis), Ceres, Minerva, and Vulcan (Satan), of course, the son of Jupiter and Juno to which human sacrifices are made.

Horn says the symbolism in the painting associated with the deeply rooted idea that chosen humans are selected by supernatural forces, and their earthly kingdoms are formed and guided by these pagan gods.

Okay, wait. Was George Washington a fundamentalist Christian who established a Christian nation? Or a pagan, devil-worshiping Freemason and part of a 3,000 year old conspiracy? If you’re going to tell a crazy lie, at least tell the same crazy lie every time.

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • duck1887

    Holy smoke. The word which jumps out at me from all this, which I think sums it up pretty well, is “Nimrod.”

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    “… But it means also the ability to believe that black is white, and more, to know that black is white, and to forget that one has ever believed the contrary. This demands a continuous alteration of the past, made possible by the system of thought which really embraces all the rest, and which is known in Newspeak as doublethink.”

  • Ellie

    I have a cartoon on my fridge that I got somewhere on the Internet a year or so ago. It pictures one Mayan with a round stone calendar and another Mayan looking at it.

    First Mayan: I only had enough room to go up to 2012.

    Second Mayan: Hah! That’ll freak somebody out someday.

    In that artwork in Washington, Ceres is riding a McCormick Reaper. I’m sure that’s further symbolism of….something or other.

  • slc1

    Horn says from deepest antiquity, a plot involving pagan sun-worshippers, America’s Founding Fathers, Masons and Freemasons

    Ah, there they go again, picking on the Masons. Surely the Illuminati, the Bilderburgers, the Federal Reserve, and the Council on Foreign Relations must also be involved.

  • http://rockstarramblings.blogspot.com/ Bronze Dog

    Stuff like this makes me wonder if we can start calling newage (rhymes with sewage) beliefs a central tenet of the right. They’ve already embraced postmodernism. It’s like they’ve gone so far to the right, they’re embracing what’s characterized as the worst parts of the left.

  • http://www.rodlamkey.net reverendrodney

    First, what Tom Horn, like most Mayan experts, miss when examining the Mayan calendar, are those two very tiny dots, like a colon (:), that mean, as every musician knows: “REPEAT”. You see, I’m an expert too, just like him! So relax, Tom. We have lots of time.

    Second, am I mistaken or is Tom Horn casting doubts on the oft proven fact* that our country was founded on Christianity? I mean, what is this in the nation’s Capitol… Isis and Masons and demons, oh my!

    *Facts found in the WND.

  • lofgren

    What’s perhaps most fascinating is Horn’s discussion of what could be the mother of all conspiracy theories, dating back to the Bible’s Book of Genesis, involving Noah’s great grandson Nimrod, who not only built the famous Tower of Babel, but is the “mighty hunter” who scholars believe became worshipped as the sun god, with names such as Osiris in Egypt and Apollo in Greece.

    Although an ancient tradition, it’s worth noting that none of this is attested to by any historical evidence. The only hint that Nimrod had anything to do with the Tower of Babel is that Babel was one of the border cities of his kingdom. The leap of logic necessary to turn him into the patron of the tower is equivalent to saying that Florida is in the U.S., therefore FDR must have built Disneyworld.

    I won’t even mention that the association between Nimrod and Middle Eastern gods requires a number of tenuous assumptions about the accuracy of the old testament, that you acknowledge that the old testament is not “literal” and that you ignore the evidence of radiocarbon dating, because I’m pretty sure the WND readers are more than ready to do all of those things without a second thought. Until tomorrow anyway.

  • ritchieannand

    If only there were a legitimate betting pool on whether armageddon will happen, perhaps I’d have a little extra spending money over the years and into the future by always betting against.

    Maybe I’m not too late – the Mayan calendar bit is very popular these days.

  • Shawn Smith

    ritchieannand said,

    If only there were a legitimate betting pool on whether armageddon will happen, perhaps I’d have a little extra spending money over the years and into the future by always betting against.

    If I weren’t married, I would offer to give a 2012 end-times believer $5,000 right now if they provide an enforceable promise to give me $50,000 on Jan 1, 2013, assuming we’re both around and nothing really monumental has happened. I wonder how many would take me up on the bet.

  • Aquaria

    Ah, there they go again, picking on the Masons. Surely the Illuminati, the Bilderburgers, the Federal Reserve, and the Council on Foreign Relations must also be involved.

    How could you forget the Trilateral Commission?

    Heretic!

  • slc1

    Re Aquaria @ #10

    Agreed, the Trilateral Commission belongs with the other conspirators.

  • ritchieannand

    Shawn Smith said,

    If I weren’t married, I would offer to give a 2012 end-times believer $5,000 right now if they provide an enforceable promise to give me $50,000 on Jan 1, 2013, assuming we’re both around and nothing really monumental has happened. I wonder how many would take me up on the bet.

    $50,000, and someone you don’t even know will die.

    Wait a minute…

    I think you’d probably have a tough time collecting, really. That’s a big enough chunk of money that I think you’d see things like Harold Camping’s “virtual tribulation already happened” crap and have to take legal action.

    I think bets with money on the barrelhead and offering Rapture ‘insurance’ have a better chance of paying out :)

  • briandavis

    A conspiracy Masons and Freemasons? But they never agree on anything!

  • peterh

    This sort of nuttery has been around at least as long as written language. The costumes & scenery change from time to time but the script remains depressingly unimaginative & unchanged.