Perry: I’d Reinvade Iraq

Rick Perry is trying desperately to find some way of making Republican voters like him. During one of the debates this weekend he actually claimed that he would reinvade Iraq immediately. Seriously.

httpv://youtu.be/QgQZ8hZavc8

This isn’t just a matter of changing our minds. The government of Iraq doesn’t want us there, the people of Iraq don’t want us there, which means this would actually be a whole new invasion of the country. On top of the first one that has already cost us so much. Is Iran’s influence going to increase? Absolutely. And it’s probably going to devolve into a civil war. But that was inevitable no matter when we pulled out, which is one reason why we should never have invaded. The only possible options, given the circumstances, were permanent occupation and a divided nation at war with one another. And permanent occupation should never be on the table.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Larry

    And to top the crazy, all the other members of the clown college are going to up the ante and insist we re-invade Vietnam.

  • d cwilson

    Perry says we need to re-invade Iraq because Iran is about to take over the country. I can see exactly where Gingrich and Romney need to stake their claim: We must invade Iran!

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    We’re going to see Iran, in my opinion, move back in at literally the speed of light.

    This I’ve got to see.

  • binjabreel

    If they literally moved in at the speed of light, wouldn’t relativistic effects cause them to not arrive there for thousands of years?

  • rabbitscribe

    @#4 binjabreel

    My concern is that even a single Iranian soldier moving at literally the speed of light would be so massive that his gravitational field would instantly annihilate the world. Which, come to think about it, sort of gives a fresh perspective on their rogue nuclear weapons program.

  • Makoto

    If they invade at the speed of light, that’s a lot of force of impact when they get there, which would effectively wipe out a large chunk of the Earth, depending on how many troops / what equipment they invade with. This sounds.. uniquely bad for Iran. Well, and the region. And potentially the entire planet.

  • organon

    @#1 –> That is funny. Applause.

  • organon

    Is it more pathetic that Perry would say it, or that he will actually win over supprters through saying it? It seems these guys reflect part of the public more than part of the public reflects them. Once they succeed in killing education, they hope for their numbers to grow.

  • matty1

    I can see exactly where Gingrich and Romney need to stake their claim: We must invade Iran!

    Ummm

  • timberwoof

    This is like the good-money-after-bad argument except worse: we’ve spent so much American blood in Iraq that we must spend more to make it worthwhile.

    Anyone who has played Risk or Diplomacy knows this: never get involved in a land war in Asia!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LUUk6wVNrY

  • The Lorax

    The American people don’t want it.

    The Iraqi people don’t want it.

    The majority of Democrats in Washington don’t want it.

    The majority of Republicans in Washington don’t want it.

    Perry will do it despite all that.

    I think he’s just saying this to try to get some attention.. he realized he’s out of the game now, so like every other celebrity who’s 15 minutes are up, he’s grasping at straws. Next he’ll shave his head and kiss Madonna.

  • Didaktylos

    How soon before a Republican candidate decides there’s votes to be had re-fighting the War of 1812-14?

  • D. C. Sessions

    All things considered, it would be more patriotic to refight the French and Indian Wars.

  • Aquaria

    How soon before a Republican candidate decides there’s votes to be had re-fighting the War of 1812-14?

    Considering how long they’re still fighting the Civil War, only long enough to have the two parties switch sides?

    Sure, why not 1812, too?

  • davidct

    Perhaps we should finish the revolutionary war definitively and invade the UK. I hear they have Muslims there and they might want to invade the US.

  • vmanis1

    Is the reinvasion of Iraq to happen before, or after, Perry eliminates the deficit?

  • vmanis1

    After a moment of reflection, I’ve concluded I was too hasty in posting my previous comment. Perhaps Perry meant that he wanted to invade Venezuela, and confused it with Iraq. That’s a natural mistake, as the names are so similar.

  • daved

    I think re-fighting the War of 1812 has a lot of potential, as long as you restrict it to re-invading Canada. We’d probably do a lot better at it this time than last time (that’s not saying much, but you know what I mean), and they’ve got tons of oil!

    Plus, since they’re right next door, transportation costs will be a lot lower. We don’t have to fly all the troops there, they can just drive.

    Expanding on this historical theme, we could also re-invade Mexico, which is easy driving distance, is full of brown people (always a plus), and has oil, albeit not as much as Canada. They also have those narcotics traffickers, which makes a swell pretext for invasion.

  • KG

    How soon before a Republican candidate decides there’s votes to be had re-fighting the War of 1812-14? – Didaktylos

    Well as I noted on another thread, since he doesn’t count Canada as a foreign country when it comes to oil sources, he’s probably intending to go the whole hog and annex the entire place. Except maybe Quebec: too many cheese-eating surrender monkeys there.

  • harold

    My concern is that even a single Iranian soldier moving at literally the speed of light would be so massive that his gravitational field would instantly annihilate the world

    I was shocked by Perry’s comments.

    Shocked that Perry actually knows that there is a velocity of light, and that it is a fast one, that is.

  • interrobang

    We’d probably do a lot better at it this time than last time (that’s not saying much, but you know what I mean), and they’ve got tons of oil!

    Shhhhh! No giving them ideas. I mean, the idea of being able to vote in your elections has a tiny little appeal, but is completely overwhelmed by my distate at the idea of being American. (Sorry, I love you all individually, but collectively you’re bugfuck nuts, and, um, no. Besides which, I have United Empire Loyalist ancestry, so not being American is kinda built into my legacy code.)

  • Reginald Selkirk

    How soon before a Republican candidate decides there’s votes to be had re-fighting the War of 1812-14?

    Last week. Cannon fire to open War of 1812 events

  • slc1

    Gee, I thought that Mr. AC/DC wanted to re-fight the Civil War.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Perhaps we should finish the revolutionary war definitively and invade the UK.

    We can’t! They have nukes. We can only invade countries that don’t have nukes. Especially countries that don’t have nukes but want nukes so that the US won’t invade them.

    I hope that clarifies things a bit.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Shocked that Perry actually knows that there is a velocity of light, and that it is a fast one, that is.

    It’s just a theory. It would have been called “Einstein’s fact of relativity” if it were proven. Like the bible.

  • KG
    Perhaps we should finish the revolutionary war definitively and invade the UK.

    We can’t! They have nukes. – Marcus Ranum

    Sort of. I believe our government can’t target them without American help. Still, I’m sure Perry would play fair, and help us aim them at, say, San Francisco.

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    slc1 “Gee, I thought that Mr. AC/DC wanted to re-fight the Civil War.”

    Now you’re just being ridiculous. How do you “re-fight” a war that never ended?

  • juice

    It’s just one of those stupid “red meat for the base” things, like Romney saying that he’d “double guantanamo.”

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    juice “…like Romney saying that he’d ‘double guantanamo.'”

    That sounds like a sex act.

  • exdrone

    He just thinks that, since the troops are now out of Iraq [ih-rahk], they’re available to invade Iraq [ahy-rahk]. Eventually, he also plans to sort out both [ih-rahn] and [ahy-rahn].

  • longstreet63

    Well, it does seem as though Perry has a yen to return to the days when wars were fought for territorial acquisition. Certainly Canada seems like a good choice, given the oil and the fact that they have the abomination of single payer health care, plus probably a limited propensity for making IEDs (at first!).

    After that, the Imperial tradition indicates going after the West Indies, India, Indonesia, and whatever chunks of Africa are on sale this week.

    Plus, I’m pretty sure at some point, you have to try and take over Alsace-Lorraine.

  • D. C. Sessions

    plus probably a limited propensity for making IEDs (at first!).

    You’ve obviously never seen what can be accomplished with the malicious combination of Canadian beer and poutine.

    US front-line losses will be staggering. Not to mention belching, farting, and sleeping it off.

  • Lithified Detritus

    I think re-fighting the War of 1812 has a lot of potential, as long as you restrict it to re-invading Canada. We’d probably do a lot better at it this time than last time (that’s not saying much, but you know what I mean), and they’ve got tons of oil!

    Three Dead Trolls In A Baggie offer a Canadian point of view on the War of 1812…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aue-zWxYtEc&list=FL3_8nBIGdN2o33p1Ljqyzrg&index=1&feature=plpp_video

  • Zinc Avenger

    And as for Japan, we’re going to nuke them again!

  • organon

    #19 beat me to it. Yeah, there was something a short while back indicating Perry already considered Canada part of the US.

  • dingojack

    MO (#29) – ‘hold the door Ma! I’m going in – double guantanamo!’

    Well, you all know that the Korean War never finished. Maybe ‘Our Fearless Leader’ will head the second invasion of Inchon.

    (Then there’s that pesky war between Russia and Berwick-on-Tweed that’s just itchin’ for a US intervention). :)

    Dingo

  • sosw

    binjabreel:

    If they literally moved in at the speed of light, wouldn’t relativistic effects cause them to not arrive there for thousands of years?

    Ignoring all the other problems, strictly time-wise from our perspective they’d arrive there as expected (a few milliseconds), from their perspective it would be instantaneous.

    Simplistically, when talking about the (unattainable) speed of light, you should be wary of any figures that aren’t directly related to c, infinity or 0.

  • KG

    Then there’s that pesky war between Russia and Berwick-on-Tweed that’s just itchin’ for a US intervention – dingojack

    Sorry, too late. Peace between Russia and Berwick-on-Tweed was declared by the London correspondent of Pravda and the Mayor of Berwick in 1966.

    Even more disappointingly, it turns out the whole story is apocryphal: contrary to the myth, Berwick was not mentioned in the British declaration of war on Russia in 1853, so the fact that it was not mentioned in the 1856 Treaty of Paris is irrelevant. Since the Wales and Berwick Act 1746, Berwick has been automatically included whenever England is mentioned in Acts of the Westminster Parliament (as was Wales until a series of Acts in the 1960s and ’70s).

  • velociraptor

    @ Dingo 36

    Why would he invade South Korea?

  • Chris A

    @velociraptor 39

    Will you accept “because he is an idiot” as a valid answer?

  • velociraptor

    @40

    Indeed, Chris A, I would. If brains were TNT, Perry doesn’t have enough to blow his cowboy hat off the top of his head.

  • dingojack

    velociraptor – He’d figure if it worked so well for MacArthur, it’d be well worth a sequel!

    :) Dingo

  • birgerjohansson

    “Plus, I’m pretty sure at some point, you have to try and take over Alsace-Lorraine.”

    Also Northern Ireland, Trieste, Moldavia, the region around Königsberg/Kaliningrad, the Kuril archipelago, Assam, the Falkland Islands and the entire Karelian isthmus.

    Let’s see gen. Petraeus fight off all those armies and militias!

  • dingojack

    birgerjohansson – Pffft, Petraeus? Send in Chuck Norris armed with a cocktail sausage. No problem.

    Dingo

  • arakasi

    I wonder if Perry realizes that if we annex Canada, it would (assuming provinces & territories become states) add another 26 senators and 50-60 representatives who would mostly sit to the left of the Democrats. Not to mention another 75-80 electoral votes.

    We might actually manage to get reasonable health care in this country after all.

    And poutaine

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    arakasi, “poutine”. Poutaine sounds like a fuel additive.