Amusing Quote of the Day

From Rick Santorum:

“As we all know, just because God calls you to do something doesn’t mean he calls you to be successful,” he added.

Yeah, funny how all of the candidates who claimed to be called by God have now left the race. Maybe that “calling” you all think you hear — or claim to hear, anyway — is bullshit.

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • Doubting Thomas

    No! Really?

  • machintelligence

    It isn’t bullshit –it’s just your own voice, echoing around in your head.

  • dingojack

    “Maybe that “calling” you all think you hear — or claim to hear, anyway — is bullshit” a possible symptom of mental illness that should be checked by a mental health professional.

    FIFY

    Dingo

  • wheatdogg

    As I recall from reading the Bible, God called Noah to build a boat, and Noah initially said no. God called Moses to lead his people out of slavery, and Moses initially said no. God called Jonah to be a prophet … well, you know what happened. The basic idea was God calls, and people resist, until his forces his hand.

    Yet, God calls American politicians to run for office, and they practically jump and down and yell, “Yes, lord, yes!” without a moment’s hesitation.

  • LightningRose

    “Sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

    -Old Lodgeskins, “Little Big Man”

  • llewelly

    God set him up for failure.

  • Who Knows?

    I wonder what led God to pick the Mormon in the end?

  • dingojack

    Who Knows? – A twisted sense of humour?

    Dingo

  • raven

    The fact that Santorum, Bachmann, and Perry flamed out could easily be used as evidence that there is in fact, a god. And he isn’t the monster he his claimed to be by the fundies.

    Not strong evidence mind you, but it is certainly consistent with a more benign Sky Fairy.

    Now if a few fundie megachurches get hit by lightning bolts, then….

  • raven

    It is strange that the fundie xians managed to nominate a nonXian. If Romney is elected, he will be the first nonXian president in a long time.

    I guess it is more important that Romeny hates the right groups of people than that he shares the right dogmas, doctrines, and delusions.

  • Trebuchet

    I wonder what led God to pick the Mormon in the end?

    Perhaps Allah picked the Mormon to lose to the Mooslim Athiest in the fall. (Yes, I spelled atheist wrong on purpose.)

    @Raven: Don’t forget Cain, who was also called by Big G.

  • RickR

    “As we all know, just because God calls you to do something doesn’t mean he calls you to be successful,” he added.

    Nice way to let yourself off the hook, you sanctimonious hypocrite. Would you also use this reasoning to excuse all those gheyz who, according to you, should all be straight, but aren’t? No?

    Fuck this guy. The next news item I want to see about Rick Santorum is an obit.

  • http://www.reason-being.com reasonbeing

    It falls into the same bullshit category that if Santorum had won the nomination he would be jumping up and down saying it was god’s will and plan….how he couldn’t fail because he is doing god’s work and other such nonsensical statements

  • http://stochasticscientist.blogspot.com KathyO

    Just because god calls you to stand under a tree doesn’t mean he won’t let it fall on you.

  • raven

    If Santorum had won = god’s will

    IF Santorum loses = god’s will

    The all purpose explanation that explains everything and nothing.

    And that means:

    Obama is elected president = god’s will.

    After all if you claim that god is in charge and everything that happens is done for his reasons, that is the conclusion.

  • dingojack

    Perhaps their god is trying to tell fundies that:

    Leviticus 26:19 “And I will break the pride of your power; and I will make your heaven as iron and your earth as brass”, or

    Psalms 10:12 “The wicked in his pride doth persecute the poor; let them be caught in the devices that they have contrived”, or

    Psalms 59:12 “For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips, let them even be taken in their pride, and for the cursing and lying which they speak”. or

    Psalms 73:6 “Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment”, or perhaps

    Prverbs 16:18 “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”.

    Dingo

  • Michael Heath

    Who Knows? writes:

    I wonder what led God to pick the Mormon in the end?

    Even more ironic, I wonder why God will choose the uppity-black Muslim-atheist fascist-socialist to win it all? [Assuming current odds play-out in Nov-12.]

  • Who Knows?

    Dingo, The Lord does have an odd sense of humor.

  • raven

    Psalms 10:12 “The wicked in his pride doth persecute the poor; let them be caught in the devices that they have contrived”,

    That must be where the Florida Tea Party got the idea to drug test welfare recipients.

    Next up I suppose, making them wear a big scarlet “P”.

  • abear

    This is similar to W praying for guidance about whether he should invade Iraq or not except for the bloodshed, massive waste of resources, and the extent of human misery that was inflicted.

    The lesson to be learned is that God is as big a liar as the politicians that pray to him, and is just as untrustworthy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1520169291 carolineborduin

    Santorum adds, “just ask Jesus.”

  • Larry

    The problem was his god simply didn’t call enough people to actually vote for this prick.

  • Uncle Glenny

    Now if a few fundie megachurches get hit by lightning bolts, then….

    Well, there was the lightening strike on the football jesus or whatever it was called.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    As Sam Kinison said, regarding Pat Robertson’s run for president “Well, Pat, I guess god wanted you to look like a complete ass in the political arena. God’s up there in heaven with the son going, ‘… I got bored. I told Pat Robertson to run for president. Aaaaahahhaahhahahahahaaaa!!!!'”

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Bush’s reference to divine support used to be one of my favorite ways of torturing the faithful: “So either you agree with Bush 100% because he says he’s getting messages from god, or you suspect Bush worships Loki the trickster-god, or you suspect Bush is a liar or delusional. If you accept that Bush is a liar or delusional then what criteria do you use to determine if any claims of belief are not also lies or delusions like Bush’s?” Throwing Bush in there is actually irrelevant to the philosophical point, but it sure was fun to make christ-believers ‘own’ Bush and have to backpedal away from that trainwreck.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    raven #10: It is strange that the fundie xians managed to nominate a nonXian…

    It is debatable whether Mormons should be considered Christians; although I guess most Evangelicals would conclude they aren’t. I still remember my first time in the South, when someone explained to me the difference between Christians and Catholics.

  • raven

    It is debatable whether Mormons should be considered Christians;

    There is no Xian Central and therefore, no way to decide. It’s all opinion.

    3 out of 4 xian ministers consider the Mormons to be nonXians.

    The RCC considers them nonXians. They won’t accept a Mormon baptism as real, although they will accept Protestant ones, IIRC.

    Most xians consider them nonXians from polling data.

  • Abdul Alhazred

    God was just fucking with Rick, which is entirely within character.

    Lots of God fucking with people in the Bible, you know.

  • dan4

    I’d like to see the context of Santorum’s comment here. It sounds like Santorum might have been (emphasis on the words “might have been”) tongue-in-cheek with his remarks.

  • charlesbaer

    Santorum, who has carried 11 states, will finish a convincing 2nd in the race for the Republican nomination. If (when) Romney loses, if history is a guide, Rick Santorum will be the presumptive leader at the start of the 2016 primary campaign.

    (states won)

    1976 Ford (27) over Reagan (23)

    1980 Reagan (44) over G.H.W. Bush (6)

    1984 Reagan (50)

    1988 G.H.W. Bush (41) over Dole (5)

    1992 G.H.W. Bush (50)

    1996 Dole (44) over Buchanan (4)

    2000 G.W. Bush (43) over McCain (7)

    2004 G.W. Bush (50)

    2008 McCain (31) over Romney (11)

    If God really told Rick to run, He’s just setting things up for next time.

  • M Groesbeck

    It is debatable whether Mormons should be considered Christians; although I guess most Evangelicals would conclude they aren’t. I still remember my first time in the South, when someone explained to me the difference between Christians and Catholics.

    Right-wing fundamentalists use a flexible (weasel-word) definition of “Christian”. When they want to inflate their numbers, Catholics and Mormons count as Christian (so they can claim a large majority of Americans, for instance); when they want to declare their authority to declare who is or isn’t a “real” Christian based on doctrinal details, then clearly Catholics and Mormons don’t count.

  • Michael Heath

    raven writes:

    There is no Xian Central and therefore, no way to decide. It’s all opinion.

    It’s not all opinion. It is a subjective argument, where some arguments are far better than others. Mostly because some consider evidence and context in a superior manner than others.

    From a public square perspective the argument Mormon make that they are a Christian sect is compelling to the point I think it’s convincing. Of course if one is arguing a theological perspective their argument is far less compelling than that of say, the Greek Orthodox Church or the Roman Catholic Church.

    And if one migrated from the debate focused only on theology to adding the New Testament edicts the Bible’s Jesus character spent most of his energy on, than the argument for fundamentalists and evangelicals goes from compelling to either they’re ‘no true Christians’ or that Christianity has mutated into the very thing Jesus energetically condemned.

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    raven “It is strange that the fundie xians managed to nominate a nonXian.”

    Not “managed to nominate”, “end up with”. In order, they voted for (exempt Huntsman) everybody but Romney.

    “If Romney is elected, he will be the first nonXian president in a long time.”

    Hello? Secret Muslin?!

    Michael Heath “…or that Christianity has mutated into the very thing Jesus energetically condemned.”

    To be fair, Mr Heath, with out the guidance of the Holy Spirit you can’t hope to interpret it rightly.

    This, in short, is why everything you believe is wrong.

  • rjmx

    Who Knows? says:

    I wonder what led God to pick the Mormon in the end?

    Easy. He actually did want Santorum to win, but he mistyped it. “Let the moron be the nominee” was what He wanted to say, but the Holy SpellChecker™ let it through.

  • christophburschka

    So basically God called on him to provide some comedic relief in this year’s campaign? Thanks, God. Romney really wasn’t funny enough.

  • acupofneurochemicals

    What does ‘god calling’ sound like?

  • raven

    “If Romney is elected, he will be the first nonXian president in a long time.”

    Hello? Secret Muslin?!

    Three or four of the Presidents were either Unitarians or Deists. Jefferson was probably a Deist of some sort.

    The Unitarians are the reverse of the Mormons. A lot of xians wouldn’t consider them xians either.

  • gvlgeologist

    Damn you, charlesbaer! I’ve been saying the same thing for days, just waiting for an appropriate post in FTB!

  • jba55

    34 rjmx: Once again Mr Brayton we have evidence that this site needs a “like” button.

    36 acupofneurochemicals: With any luck it sounds like London Calling. But I’m not holding my breath.

  • llewelly

    acupofneurochemicals | April 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    What does ‘god calling’ sound like?

    If you had read your Book of Mormon, you would know that God’s ringtone is a burning in your bosom.

  • dingojack

    The call of god would sound something like: THIS!

    (Just ask Mittens).

    😀 Dingo

    ——–

    Jesus on the other hand is rather more boring

  • dingojack

    Satan’s ringtone.

    (At your own risk)

    :) Dingo

  • Chiroptera

    “I want you to run for President.”

    “Is that you, God?”

    “No. I’m your ego.”

  • Randomfactor

    I wonder what led God to pick the Mormon in the end?

    He wants Romney to make a Magic Spectacle of himself.

  • Crudely Wrott

    In other words, you spends your money and you takes your chances.

    This differs from real life . . . how?

    Where, exactly, is the magic part? Assuming the magic part can be identified, how does one actually identify that part? Without needing magic, that is.

    If good fortune comes from faith, what of those who have already hoped and trusted and are still waiting?

    God is a lousy chess player.

    Mate in one.

  • http://jadehawks.wordpress.com/ Jadehawk, cascadeuse féministe

    If (when) Romney loses, if history is a guide, Rick Santorum will be the presumptive leader at the start of the 2016 primary campaign.

    oh, lovely. good thing I’m not planning on sticking around that long, this country is going to hell rather too quickly for my taste.

  • KG

    If you had read your Book of Mormon, you would know that God’s ringtone is a burning in your bosom. – llewelly

    Hey! I get that sometimes if I’ve eaten too much fatty food. I never realised that all you need to have a genuine religious experience is to stuff yourself with junk food. No wonder the USA is such a religious country.

  • ‘Tis Himself

    I noticed a long time ago that when someone claimed God talked to them that God had exactly the same opinions and prejudices as its supposed mouthpiece.

  • Doug Little

    Once again Mr Brayton we have evidence that this site needs a “like” button.

    I would also like to add that being able to reply to a specific post like over at Mano’s blog is also another handy feature.