Jan Brewer Holds Hands With Jesus

July 22, 2012 by 30 Comments

Poor Jesus. It’s not bad enough that he’s crucified, now he has to spend all his time talking to Pat Robertson and holding hands with Jan Brewer. What’s that? Yes, she said that he was holding her hand throughout the controversy over that state’s anti-immigration law and that’s what got her through it.

The signing of SB 1070 was a very difficult time for me personally because I knew immediately that although we monitored the bill and amended the bill in the legislature that it was going to be a lightning rod, however, I didn’t know or realize at the time just how big of a lightning rod it was going to be. But I knew that they would be out there, some of the political pundits and elected officials calling Arizona racist and bigots. And they turned on me, they really turned on me harshly and it hurts. And when you see protesters saying and doing and presenting things out there that represent things that you just absolutely know aren’t true, that was tough. Many a night I would sit on my patio and think, Jesus hold my hand, you got me here, now you’ve got to get me through all of this.

I wonder where Jesus was when she did this:

httpv://youtu.be/v6DHEEzbfLc

Filed Under: Wingnuttia 30 Comments
About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Does that make her a “false prophet”?

  • Michael Heath

    Gov. Brewer’s rhetoric here is a good illustration of how many conservative Christians justify their inability to defend certain policy positions or rhetoric while promoting such anyway, rather than adapting to a defensible position. Sarah Palin is a constant practioner; that somehow it’s OK to hold untenable positions precisely because they’re Christians. It’s incoherent of course but that’s true of nearly all the traits which define them and other fundamentalists. I find it related to being a Liar for Jesus.

  • wholething

    He found her excess of faith disturbing.

  • dingojack

    At least Jan wasn’t out on her patio, making out with Jesus*.

    :) Dingo

    ——-

    * or worse yet, humping him.

    Imagine if his dad found out! He’s a jealous god and his worshippers can’t have any gods before him!

  • DaveL

    Had Jesus ever actually showed up at Jan Brewer’s home, all swarthy and Middle-Eastern-looking, she would have called the police to report him as a likely terrorist.

  • ‘Tis Himself

    And they turned on me, they really turned on me harshly and it hurts.

    You know, Gov. Brewer, if you didn’t show your racism then people wouldn’t call you a racist.

  • Randomfactor

    He was holding her hand, but in spite of his efforts she was still able to sign the bill.

  • Trebuchet

    Had Jesus ever actually showed up at Jan Brewer’s home, all swarthy and Middle-Eastern-looking, she would have called the police to report him as a likely terrorist.

    Or at least demanded his papers.

  • jameshanley

    When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats… He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left…

    “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was… a stranger and you did not invite me in…’

    “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry …a stranger … and did not help you?’

    “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

    What would Jesus do?

  • raven

    Had Jesus ever actually showed up at Jan Brewer’s home, all swarthy and Middle-Eastern-looking, she would have called the police to report him as a likely terrorist.

    And then had him deported as an illegal immigrant.

    It’s well known that jesus was born in the middle east. And he doesn’t even have a birth certificate.

  • llewelly

    Does she know the Book of Mormon clearly documents that Jesus immigrated to America?

    If she finds out, will she still support Mitt?

  • Gvlgeologist, FCD

    WWJD? Why of course, he’d check the papers of anyone who didn’t look like an American (i.e. not white northern European).

  • dan4

    “…racists AND bigots.” (emphasis added)

    Well, there you have it. If you’re Governor Brewer, you don’t believe that a racist is a bigot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360322113 aaronbaker

    No, she doesn’t seem to have read the Sermon on the Mount lately (“I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity”). How all these Republican scumbags square their ostentatious piety with the fairly obvious sympathy for the down-and-out that you see in the Gospels remains a mystery.

    I’d add that in addition to the logical and evidentiary objections to the Christian heaven, Jan Brewer and her like provide a moral one: if they’re all actually going there, no decent person would want to accompany them.

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    Deputy: Jesus? Jesus who? What’s your last name?

    Jesus: Like like I told that other guy, I don’t have a last name.

    Deputy: [menacing smirk] Oh, like Cher, or Madonna.

    Jesus: um… more like Sting.

    Deputy: [Slap’s Jesus across his face] Now you listen to me Mr. Jesus Wiseass, we can make this easy or make it hard.

  • busterggi

    Govenor, a question – did all that sweating hand-holding make Jesus’ hand all pruney?

  • dan4

    “…you (Jesus) got me here…”

    Huh?

  • gregoryhilliard

    So Jesus was holding her hand all that time? No wonder my lawn went to pot. I hadda go out and hire Jose instead!

  • brucemartin

    > Many a night I would sit on my patio and think,

    > Jesus hold my hand, you got me here, …

    Brewer got the governor’s job because of Barack Obama. HE appointed Gov. Janet Napolitano in the middle of her term to go to DC to run the DHS. So Brewer as Secretary of State got to fulfill the vacancy.

    Of course, she then got to keep her job in 2010 by pandering to the racists and signing SB1070.

    So Jesus may be guilty of many evils, but we can’t pin this one on him.

  • shockna

    I remember watching that debate. Really reminds me of how bigoted Arizona really is. Brewer gives piss poor performances like that debate, and then directly ducks out of a simple question, proving how much of a damn coward she really is, and she wins by double digit figures.

    Overall, a coward, a bigot, and a moron, and she won, basically just on virtue of signing the bill to suppress the scary brown people. -Sigh-

    I suppose at a minimum, her and the legislature’s post-2010 lunacy does appear to have generated a decent level of opposition for the election, at least down in Southern Arizona. Not sure how well we’ll fare against the bigot bloc in Maricopa County though.

  • anubisprime

    Why does it always scan that jeebus drooling cretins to a sunbeam all sound like they are still at primary school and getting all excited and damp knickered about the xmas play in which the teacher said they could be a shepherd this year?

  • cafeeineaddicted

    Offtopic, but I stumbled on this egregious bit of police misconduct:

    http://cop-reports.com/sent-to-harass-and-destroy/

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    Various quoters of the Buble above are guilty of low blows.

    How unfair to quote the funny fundies Bable at them.

    I mean if they can’t ignore that then they might have to admit that the J guy portrayed therein was not only for the poor, the foreign, adulterers, taxes and tax-collectors, but against ostentatious display of faith, blue laws and making money from religion. Especially the last one.

    Then they’d have nothing!

    Nothing!!

    The poor bastards!!!

    NOTHING!!!!

    :-)

  • d cwilson

    Dr X, It would be more like this:

    Deputy: Jesus? Jesus who? What’s your last name?

    Jesus: People knew me as Yeshua bar Yahweh.

    Deputy: [menacing smirk] Ah, damn. I knew you were a Mooslim

    Jesus: um… Actually, I’m Jewish.

    Deputy: [Slap’s Jesus across his face] Now I know you’re an imposter! Everyone knows the real Jesus was a Christian!

  • DaveL

    Govenor, a question – did all that sweating hand-holding make Jesus’ hand all pruney?

    Yeah, but by the end of weekend he was all better.

  • Gregory in Seattle

    Had Jesus ever actually showed up at Jan Brewer’s home, all swarthy and Middle-Eastern-looking, she would have called the police to report him as a likely terrorist.

    It would be even worse if he did have papers: they would read his name as Haysoos.

  • Gregory in Seattle

    Has Jesus yet filed for unwanted contact? The statute of limitations is running out.

  • plutosdad

    What was that thing Jesus said about a Palestinian from Samaria helping a Jew that was unclean? Something about helping out people that are not of your tribe? I don’t really remember… I think there was some point to it …

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “Gov. Brewer’s rhetoric here is a good illustration of how many conservative Christians justify their inability to defend certain policy positions or rhetoric while promoting such anyway, rather than adapting to a defensible position.”

    First, Michael Heath, they’d have to know that there WAS a defensible position. Oh, wait, I see what you did there

    “Had Jesus ever actually showed up at Jan Brewer’s home, all swarthy and Middle-Eastern-looking, she would have called the police to report him as a likely terrorist.”

    It’s Aryanzona, dude; she’da done some perppoppin’ and called the coroner’s office to take out the trash*.

    One of my brother’s in law lives in the Phoenix area and he’s a very decent man whose always been a good dad, husband and uncle. He didn’t mention Brewer when I was talking to him recently, but he did say that he STILL thinks McStain is a good man and an awesome public servant.

    I really don’t fucking get it. I think that Dennis Kucinich is a decent guy–there’s not a chance in hell I would vote for him if he ran for president (I think that’s a decision I will not have to worry about, in any case).

    * And if it was a long weekend, boy, would she be in for a sooprize on “Trash Day”.

  • kermit.

    Dr. X, dc wilson – Forty-some years ago documents were unearthed in the caverns of San Franciso, the famous underground comics. One of these was the missing New, Improved Testament. The return of Jesus was described and illustrated by this man:

    http://lambiek.net/artists/s/stack_frank.htm