Akin Finds Important Supporter

Weep not for Todd Akin. A long list of prominent conservatives and the Republican National Committee may have abandoned him because of his idiotic statements about abortion and rape, but now a powerful voice has spoken up in his defense: Victoria Jackson. And she’s bringing her usual stupidity to the task:

“The Todd Akin thing was so blown out of proportion — it’s a joke,” Jackson said at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Fla., when interviewed for my SiriusXM OutQ radio program. “How many times do people get pregnant from rape? It’s point zero zero one percent. It’s a joke. I read lots of articles. I know people, because I’m 53. I’ve know a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.”

Well that proves it! Victoria Jackson has never known anyone who got pregnant from rape, so no one gets pregnant from rape. I mean, other than the 30,000 women who do so every year. But Victoria Jackson doesn’t know any of them, so they don’t exist. But she was just getting started:

“And guess what?” she continued. “If I got raped, I would have the baby. And if I didn’t want to keep it because I had these [mocking tone] horrible nightmares, I would adopt it out. But I think that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing. And that, if I got raped and a beautiful baby who was innocent was born out of it, that would be a blessing. The DNA of a baby is individual. It’s not the mother’s DNA. It’s not the father’s DNA. And that’s why I believe abortion is murder, because it’s not the woman’s body. It has it’s own DNA. If there’s a boy baby inside of me, he has a penis. That’s not my body.”

Well there you go. Game, set, match!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://www.holytape.etsy.com holytape

    Do you know what else is a joke. Murder. Only .004% percent of the people in this country are murdered every year. And I know people. I don’t know anyone live today that has gotten murdered….

    I well you just can’t parody the rest of her comments. It is physically impossible to write anything that makes less sense. It’s like trying to come up with a number that has an absolute value less than zero.

  • DaveL

    And that’s why I believe abortion is murder, because it’s not the woman’s body. It has it’s own DNA. If there’s a boy baby inside of me, he has a penis. That’s not my body.”

    …And of course, when there’s a penis inside your body against your will, you have no right to demand it be removed, is that it?

  • d cwilson

    I read lots of articles. I know people, because I’m 53. I’ve know a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.

    Worse argument from authority ever.

  • eric

    “If I got raped, I would have the baby. And if I didn’t want to keep it because I had these [mocking tone] horrible nightmares, I would adopt it out.

    The beauty of the pro-choice position, Victoria, is that it supports your right to do so rather than ordering you to do so.

  • http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “All that is necessary for the triumph of smarty smartness is that ignorant men do nothing.” ~ Edmund Burke, teabagger*

    * Take that, history!

  • http://peopleofpublictransport.wordpress.com Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    The DNA of a baby tapeworm is individual. It’s not the mother’s host’s DNA. And that’s why I believe abortion tapeworm medication is murder, because it’s not the woman’s host’s body. It has it’s own DNA. That’s not my body.”

  • anubisprime

    That endorsement is either a help or an hindrance for Akin.cretin!

    I am not convinced it is a help!

  • Artor

    I can’t imagine someone like Jackson getting raped, so it must never happen. I mean, can you imagine getting that close to her voice? The screeching & the bleeding of the ears- how could someone go through with it?

  • Michael Heath

    The more Victoria Jackson speaks and writes, the more it appears this is either some sort of bizarre joke or an experiment on the baseline where conservative Christians will begin to reject you as too stupid and too crazy.

  • dingojack

    I read the lead as ‘Akin has an impotent supporter’ (where art thou, Rushbo?)

    – but it turns out it was Victoria all along, and she ain’t impotent, nosiree.

    She’s got a little prick inside her.

    Dingo

  • Randomfactor

    And the incidence of pregnancy-by-rape is 50 times higher than she’s pretending.

    But every known case is in women, of course, so it’s still insignificant.

  • bbgunn

    I suspect brain trauma from her act in the ’80s.

  • Chiroptera

    I’ve never understood this DNA argument.

    Are they saying that before DNA was discovered, abortion was morally defensible?

    Are they saying that if the factor determining hereditary wasn’t DNA but happened to be something that was the same as the mother’s until it changed just before birth, then abortion would be okay?

    Personally, I’ve always felt that anyone who makes an anti-abortion argument involving DNA doesn’t even understand their own position very well.

  • MikeMa

    A valuable supporter, a mystery supporter!

    Its a chair. No, its Victoria Jackson! She is way more valuable than a, no wait. I’d rather have the chair. It talks less, has a defined function, and doesn’t attempt exceed its intended purpose.

    If Akin understood where this support comes from, he would quit now.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    I hope if Jackson does know someone who was raped they speak to her and tell her she’s full of it. But then again maybe they shouldn’t. She sounds like the kind of person who’d tell their friend to “get over it” while not so subtly insinuating the rape was their fault.

  • iangould

    So how do pro-lifers feel about parasitic twins?

  • imrryr

    @timgueguen – There’s also a distinct possibility that Victoria would assume the woman was exaggerating and wasn’t really raped. We’ve all heard these excuses before: it was probably just a one night stand that she later regretted, she led the guy on, she was dressing like a slut, she didn’t fight him off hard enough… all those sorts of things rape apologists say. Anything to make it sound like it’s the victim’s fault that the man forced himself on her.

    That’s part of the reason why these people are so immune to facts. An idiot like Akin would see a report that says tens of thousands of women who have been raped end up having children every year, and he would just assume that the vast majority of those cases weren’t really rapes at all.

  • trucreep

    Isn’t Victoria Jackson like an Ann Coulter kind of character?? Like, haha I don’t want to say “performance art” but you know – she’s just purposefully over-the-top as a “joke” or something…

  • imrryr

    continuation…

    That’s all provided Akin doesn’t just blow the whole report off as ‘the work pro-abortion liberals who hate Jesus’, which is probably what he would do even though in the end it’s the same thing as claiming those women were lying.

  • Francisco Bacopa

    I suspect brain trauma from her act in the ’80s.

    Back when she announced her resignation from SNL, she did this weird song and dance routine called “I Love a Cop” and said she was moving to Florida. She did a headstand on Kevin Nealon’s Weekend Update Desk. It was a difficult routine and she hit her head pretty hard, but sprang to her feet like the physical comedy genius was back in the early 90’s. Could this be the cause of a traumatic brain injury?

    I wouldn’t be so sure, I think this is the real Victoria we are seeing today. Once she didn’t have the support of great writers like Conan O’Brien and Al Franken, the crazy started coming out.

  • d cwilson

    Honestly, long before she started talking about politics, I never thought she was funny. Given the otherwise stellar cast SNL had (Dana Carvy, Mike Meyers, Phil Hartman, etc) at the time, I always thought she was least funny of the bunch, even with the help of good writers.

    Now she’s working without the help of Franken, O’Brien, et. al, and she’s ten times as annoying.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “Do you know what else is a joke. Murder. Only .004% percent of the people in this country are murdered every year.”

    GODDAMNED LIEBRAL MATH!!

    While the FBI says that in 2010 the actual number was something like, .0048, I was dismayed to read on some “Pro-armin’ all the fuckin’ KKKrazzeepants people with whatever they want” website that, at the current murder rate, I have one chance in 250 of being murdered.

    Why did Phil Hartmann have to die instead of some waste of protoplasm like VJ?

  • bahrfeldt

    .004% is one in 25,000.

    Her “point zero zero one percent” is one in 100,000. If there are 30,000 rapes resulting in pregnancy each year, by her math there are 3,000,000,000 rapes annually.

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    Did you ever notice that Andy Kaufman, who had appeared on SNL 16 times, ‘died’ in 1984, and then Victoria Jackson suddenly appeared in 1986? I’m just sayin’.

  • thalwen

    Shorter Jackson: Women need to shut up about their silly post-rape PTSD, your fetus has a penis which makes it more important than you. Oh and some crap about DNA which is so stupid it doesn’t need mocking.

  • dono

    Dr X, are you suggesting Andy Kaufman had a sex change AND a lobotomy?

  • cry4turtles

    Who the hell is Victoria Jackson? Crap! Guess I have to exit blog and Google.

  • caseloweraz

    Victoria Jackson: “I know people, because I’m 53. I’ve known a lot of people, and I’ve actually never known anyone who got pregnant from being raped.”

    [S]he continued: “If I got raped, I would have the baby. And if I didn’t want to keep it because I had these [mocking tone] horrible nightmares, I would adopt it out. But I think that God can turn a bad thing into a good thing. And that, if I got raped and a beautiful baby who was innocent was born out of it, that would be a blessing.”

    She may know a lot of people, being 53 and a former comedienne with a stint on SNL. However, she appears to know little about reproductive biology. I don’t know that much about it myself; but I do know that at 53 a woman has a greatly reduced chance of bearing a healthy baby.

    Of course, with the supportive medicine available today (to the wealthy at least) she might be able to overcome any fetal-health problems that arose. But dismissing that concern out of hand seems… ill-advised.

    <snark> And Victoria Jackson is so seldom ill-advised. </snark>

  • slc1

    Re caseloweraz @ #28

    Actually, it is highly unlikely that she has any eggs left at 53. Most women run out of eggs in their mid 40s.

  • katie

    Boys have penises! Checkmate, pro-choicers!

  • satanaugustine

    Here I thought her “stupid” act on SNL and in her subsequent movies were all just, well, an act. Guess I was wrong.

  • stace

    Victoria Jackson, I am 53, and you, madam, are an idiot. And I’ve known lots of idiots.

  • didgen

    @ Artor

    please think about what you said, no matter what a stupid stupid ass she is, saying that was not acceptable.

  • Happiestsadist, opener of the Crack of Doom

    Seconding didgen, artor, what the fuck makes you think that is an appropriate thing to say or think?