Delgaudio Under Investigation, Flips Lid

The batshit crazy Eugene Delgaudio isn’t just a guy who raises money with hysterical screeds and hilarious fantasies about how persecuted he is, he’s also an elected official in Loudon County, VA. And he’s now under investigation for misuse of his office. Now I don’t have any idea whether he’s guilty of that or not, but the speech he gave at a recent meeting when the investigation was officially started is brilliantly loony. You can watch the video here, but here’s a partial transcript:

“I’m glad we have supervisor elections every four years, isn’t it great? You know, every four years we decide that election; and The Washington Post promptly forgets about it, and cancels that election.

What an honor to be a substitute for Sarah Palin and Chick-fil-A in the media. The suicide bombers of the political left pull their own rings on their detonation devices as they advance on me, and Sterling, and all honest-to-God conservatives.

Liberals blow themselves up as they approach me with their fantastic lies about what I do, and what all normal God-fearing Americans do, and I’ll explain that.

The liberals destroy themselves with misrepresentations, mistruth, libel, slander, exaggeration and outright falsehoods, and victimize many innocent victims. This form of propaganda madness does no one any good. And they have failed and they will fail – four times with me.

In my style, I often give you a hyperbole alert. OK, here it is, hyperbole alert: Around here in Washington, all you have to say is quote, ‘The Washington Post reports.’ Quote, unquote.

The Washington Post has printed attacks on me for years; when I first came here in 1982, and probably a dozen times since I’ve been elected as supervisor.

They oppose me and all Christians for taking a stand in support of the Boy Scouts traditional marriage and, yes, even eating chicken at the restaurant of your choice.

There’s nothing new in this latest slander against me, which the Post is simply repeating, and that other organizations are simply repeating. And some well-meaning liberals have come forward to do the same thing.

This is more than an attack on my simple methods at finding support for youth sports leagues, more than an attack on noncontroversial and straightforward record of winning four elections in Sterling.

In the case of the small sports youth league, it’s an attack on the accomplishments and dreams and character building of 10,000 young people who have come through the youth football system in the past 40 years, or the 10,000 that will come in the next 40 years.

There’s a spot lamp on what I do, and how I do it. That’s great. Thank you, Chairman York, thank you, colleagues.

I welcome the spot lamp on the county policy and on me, and how I conducted myself with the county policy. I hope it does come to light that some of the requests that I’ve made and some of the guidance I’ve received can now come to light in the public eye; that I’ve been following that advice. That advice has been given to me, and I appreciate it, and I’ve taken it to heart. And I’ve ask for it as early as 2007.

What makes the liberals really mad…… the fact that I have fought them and their liberal friends for 30 years unceasingly and apologetically.

The elitist liberals demand my minority majority—the fact that my district is filled with minorities by 55 percent— they demand that they stop voting and demand a dictatorship like an occupying hoard to be installed and imposed on Sterling as punishment. I represent a neighborhood with 60 percent minority while helping a community to survive.

But the fact that I largely ignore the Washington Post is the most annoying thing to them. And that Loudoun itself ignores the Washington Post, too. The work of raising families and keeping the peace so that families can be raised – that is the mission of this Sterling supervisor, and of every supervisor, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is a lesson bigger than all of us.

That is what The Washington Post and the liberals in the media are attacking. People in Sterling, Loudoun and Washington ignore the Post. That’s why the Post and the liberals in the media are ignored and irrelevant.

Helping Sterling like their life depended on it, like America depended on it, like Western civilization depended on it, like all humankind depends upon it – that’s what I learned from the many men and women who devote their lives to youth sports leagues, like the Lower Loudoun Football League and so many others. Many families have full-time parents, but let’s take a minute here, understand that these sports leagues for every sport require an army of full-time family members pouring 40 to 80 hours each week to make the entire youth sports operation function.

My last sentence – for 30 years, I stand as a bite marker to the rest of the county and the country right here at your doorstep. For four terms, and God willing more terms, I stand as a small David against the foul-smelling, decaying corpse of the Washington Post. I trust the good people of Sterling to know the truth by simply talking to me. I won’t let misguided liberals come between me and the people. Thank you.”

If he wasn’t actually nuts, if this was an attempt at a very clever Poe, it would be Andy Kaufman-level genius.

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rory.howington roryhowington

    I still haven’t unsubscribed from his emails after the pharyngula’d poll boondoggle from way back. They’re beyond histrionic hilarity factor is too high to miss.

  • raven

    IIRC, Delgaudio’s hate the gays campaign is also mostly a scam.

    The money he gets from soliciting donations mostly goes back to soliciting more donations.

    How much he siphons off for himself, well who knows. It could be a lot. This might even be legal. As head of a charitable organization, you can pay yourself. A lot.

    It’s not unheard of for charities and churches to spend most of their money on salaries for those who work there. How do think a huge number of fundie death cult leaders end up extremely rich? Pat Robertson is rumored to be a billionaire, many others like the Crouches, Parsley etc. have fortunes in the tens of millions.

  • laurentweppe

    They’re beyond histrionic hilarity factor is too high to miss.

    You find it hilarious? To me it looks like a crooked elected official boasting about his enduring power: hardly funny in my books.

  • DaveL

    The batshit crazy Eugene Delgaudio isn’t just a guy who raises money with hysterical screeds and hilarious, thinly veiled fantasies about how persecuted he is beefy homosex

    Let’s be honest.

  • eric

    Here is the latest WashPo story I could find on him. It doesn’t quite neutral in tone. Though there are several more links to other stories about him on the left-hand side, so it looks like the WashPo has been covering his actions quite extensively.

    Here’s an amusing quote from the linked story:

    At the board meeting Wednesday, the supervisors — including Delgaudio — unanimously supported a motion by Chairman Scott K. York (R-At Large) directing Loudoun County Attorney John R. “Jack” Roberts to retain an outside party to investigate the allegations against Delgaudio (R-Sterling).

    So, he voted for his own investigation, then used the investigation as a soap box.

  • eric

    Ack, editing fail. That should be “It seems quite neutral in tone.”

  • abb3w
  • TGAP Dad

    It sort of reminds me of Rod Blagojevich’s media blitz preceding his trial and impeachment when he continually asserted that “the fix is in.”

  • John Hinkle

    People in Sterling, Loudoun and Washington ignore the Post. That’s why the Post and the liberals in the media are ignored and irrelevant.

    WUT? People ignore the Post. That’s why they ignore the Post.

    This guy can ignore the Post for minutes on end. He’s that good.

  • imthegenieicandoanything

    And a grand “FUCK OFF” to certain of my liberal and Democratic friends who defend their “Republican” relations and “buddies,” all of whom would, should a guv’mint run by insane midget clowns like this start rounding up “Libs” for “re-education” – or “re-Nedification” – would, in almost 5% of cases, say “Hey! Just a minute!” … until the police looked at them, whereupon they would start looking around and whistling.

    ‘Mer’kin “conservatives” today, out of greed, stupidity, and hatred, mean the nation and most of its people harm.

  • http://cfiottawa.com Eamon Knight

    Delgaudio also ain’t too careful about legal use of other people’s images (both the photog and the subjects):

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19804286

    Maybe, just maybe, his chickens are coming home to roost….

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    I don’t care to watch the video, but somewhere in that ridiculous monologue, did he actually get around to addressing or rebutting the allegations against him? Because if not, every time he says “Washington Post”, he’s effectively saying, “I’m guilty as shit”.

  • martinc

    “victimize many innocent victims”

    … is a stand-out phrase for me.

    I also like where he announces: “My last sentence” and then adds four more sentences. Unless of course he is referring to a past criminal history.

    Is there a comma missing in the transcript after “Boy Scouts” in:

    “They oppose me and all Christians for taking a stand in support of the Boy Scouts traditional marriage and, yes, even eating chicken at the restaurant of your choice.”

    … because if not, to tell the truth, I wasn’t even aware the Boy Scouts performed marriages, traditional OR otherwise.

  • dingojack

    Well that’s because they don’t marry outsiders…

    😉 Dingo

  • gratch

    I just like how he talks about what annoys the Washington Post is the way he ignores them. Then goes on to mention the paper at least a half a dozen times.

  • matty1

    I think I may have mastered Delgaudio’s style lets see.

    It was a dark and stormy night, my wife lay sleeping but I was awake. I could not turn my mind from the homosexual mennace, again and again I looked at images of their unspeakable depravity on the internet until I could take no more and the power of the lord Jesus compelled me to act. Pausing only to defy the liberal media I opened my door and set off into the storm seeking only for the chance to serve America.

  • grizzle

    Oh Lord, I live in Fairfax County right next to Loudon. I even work in Ashburn which borders Sterling. Wingnuts too close for comfort!!! I thought the two wealthiest counties in the nation were a bit more insulated against this special kind of stupid….