Ellis Washington has another of his frequent columns full of dubious historical references. He likes to invent fake conversations between modern people he disagrees with and ancient philosophers (dialogues in which he puts patently absurd statements into the mouths of his targets), but in his latest one he instead just compares President Obama to the emperor Caligula in the form of “I, Caligula….” and “I, Obama…” The result is as amusingly absurd as you might imagine.
I, Obama, was the product of a vast and enduring conspiracy to hide my radical background but to, nevertheless, embrace those same radical ideals – Islam, Marxism, socialism, progressivism, Malcolm X racial hatred, anti-Americanism. From ages four to nine, I was indoctrinated in Muslim theology at an Indonesian madrassa. I have never recanted or repented from my Muslim faith, and I wear a ring inscribed with the shahada to prove my undying allegiance to Islam.
I, Obama, was shipped back from Indonesia to Hawaii, from ages nine to 18, where three times a week my mother and grandfather arranged for me to be indoctrinated in Marxist/socialist ideology by my real father, Frank Marshall Davis. I have never recanted or repented from my Marxist faith. Like my former chief of staff, now mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, we are bisexual and members of the uptown Chicago gay bathhouse, “Man’s Country.” My “body man,” Reggie Love, was my best friend, personal assistant and secret lover, until that dark day when Reggie Love forced me to accept his resignation. My marriage to Michelle was a complete sham concocted by Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jesse Jackson and Valerie Jarrett to deceive the public, make me look normal and cover up my homosexual lifestyle.
In conclusion, when history raises depraved tyrants, demagogues and socialists to positions of absolute power – whether they be named Tiberius Caesar, Nero, Caligula or Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Neville Chamberlain, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Bill Clinton or Barack Hussein Obama – all people of good will must summon their courage, repent of their stupidity, rise up, gird up your loins like a man and quickly depose these wicked leaders and restore our constitutional republic.
Bill Clinton? A socialist? If this were an elaborate Poe, it would be funny; the fact that he’s serious makes it even funnier.