The Daily Currant, an Onion-style parody site, has an amusing article about Bill O’Reilly allegedly losing it with an in-store Santa Claus at Macy’s after the fake Christmas icon wished him a “happy holidays” instead of a “merry Christmas.” This doesn’t seem too farfetched:
Johnson says that immediately upon hearing the phrase “Happy Holidays”, O’Reilly dropped the package he was holding, turned to face the Santa, looked deep into his eyes and unleashed a verbal tsunami of anger.
“What the fuck did you just say to me? What the FUCK did you just say?” O’Reilly screamed, “Did you seriously think you could get away with insulting me – ME! – with your anti-christian, secular ‘Happy Holidays’ filth?”
“Hey buddy, I don’t know what your problem is,” the Santa replied, “But its my job, I can say whatever I want.”
“Oh really?,” O’Reilly retorted as he stepped into the Santa’s face “You think you can just abandon the Judeo-Christian values that made this country great? Fucking say whatever dumb fucking communist phrase that comes to mind?”
“Pretty much,” replied the Santa.
“Oh yeah? Well I got a little present for you Karl Marx,” O’Reilly threatened as he raised his fist, “Merry Christmas motherfucker.” He then connected a punch straight to the Santa’s nose.
I’ll give it an 8. He should have had O’Reilly hit him with a loofah. Or a falafel.
Like Dispatches on Facebook: