In Brazil, Thy Kingdom Cums

Here’s an entirely unsurprising story out of Brazil, where a pastor has been arrested and charged with rape after telling women in his church that his penis was filled with divine semen and that they holy ghost could enter them if they’d just give him a blowjob.

Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, 59, was arrested in Apore, Goiás, Brazil, for raping several women attending his church. He gave as an excuse that his penis had been consecrated with “divine semen of the Holy Spirit.”

A 23-year-old young woman, who prefers to remain anonymous said, “He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through the mouth.”

“Often, after worship, Pastor Valdecir take us to some of the funds back to the church and asked us to do oral sex on him until the Holy Spirit comes through ejaculation”.

Valdecir came to abuse some elderly, and defends himself by saying that ‘he had an encounter with Jesus in a brothel and gave him the mission of spreading the sacred semen throughout the state, beginning with the faithful Apore Assembly, of which he is responsible’.

The jokes pretty much write themselves.

"Yeah, like driving all those motherfucking snakes out of motherfucking Ireland!"

Jim Bakker’s Latest Demagogic Lies
"“No one in this world, so far as I know — and I have searched ..."

Republicans Balk at Trump’s Attacks on ..."
"Ok, that shows that there is a problem, but it doesn't actually cite particular evidence ..."

Kiriakou and Haspel: A Tale of ..."
""Clever Hans" was a stable genius."

Republicans Balk at Trump’s Attacks on ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment