Christian Mag Says Beyonce Controlled by Satan

February 12, 2013 by 35 Comments

Alyssa Shull of Charisma Magazine was none too happy with Beyonce’s performance during the Super Bowl halftime show, claiming that the singer is being used by Satan. Oh, and she buys into all that “Illuminati sign” bullshit too.

For many girls, the Super Bowl performances on Sunday were a celebration of femininity and girl power. Talented artists like Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson sang and danced on the media’s largest stage of the year: The Super Bowl. But imagine with me for a moment if all of this star power, talent, femininity and glamour was used to exalt the name of Jesus.

How amazing would that be?

Actually, it would be really boring.

Beyoncé, who is also very talented and beautiful, danced in a way that should only take place between a husband and wife (well minus the Illuminati signs and the worship ‘I want to feel your energy’ part).

The what?

Beyoncé has this beautiful gift, that the enemy (Satan) has twisted to use for his kingdom.

Seriously, if you believe in a cosmic boogeyman who controls people, you’ve forfeited any right to be treated with anything but derision.

Filed Under: Wingnuttia 35 Comments
About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • Larry

    Well, I do know watching it was pure hell.

  • Olav

    Ed quotes:

    to exalt the name of Jesus.

    What good does it do to Jesus (if he exists) to have his name exalted? What does that phrase even mean?

  • glodson

    This just made my day. Talk about just blindly stupid…

  • jws1

    @#2: “exalt the name of Jesus” = “repeating things en masse makes the words truer!”

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Seriously, if you believe in a cosmic boogeyman who controls people, you’ve forfeited any right to be treated with anything but derision.

    Exponentially so if said cosmic boogeyman can’t find a more effective tool than Beyonce!

  • imrryr

    Beyoncé has this beautiful gift, that the enemy (Satan) has twisted to use for his kingdom.

    1 – Oh, wait, the enemy is Satan? I’m glad she clarified that for me. I thought it was Steve from accounting.

    2 – I know right? It’s a shame God is apparently powerless to do anything about it. Satan is the Duke boys to God’s Boss Hogg.

  • raven

    Alyssa Shull of Charisma Magazine…

    It really should be called “Superstitious Morons Magazine”.

    Another sign of the decline of US xianity. And Alyssa Shull is another data point for the Theory of Fundie Xianity Induced Cognitive Impairment.

  • eric

    Beyoncé, who is also very talented and beautiful, danced in a way that should only take place between a husband and wife

    So, then, turn off the TV. Turn on the puppy bowl. Or whatever.

    This Satan, he’s one powerful fellow. He not only controls Beyonce, but evidently he prevented milions of good christians from hitting the power button on their remotes.

  • dingojack

    Beyoncé ? Really, that’s the best Satan can manage? Really?

    And the best god can do is Teddy Nugent?

    And why does anyone buy into this nonsense again. exactly?

    Dingo

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    Actually Beyoncé is managed by Ted Satan from LA, and a good manager he is.

  • baal

    “Seriously, if you believe in a cosmic boogeyman who controls people, you’ve forfeited any right to be treated with anything but derision.”

    I disagree.

    Belief is something going on in someone else’s mind and you’d need to be a mind reader to know it. Once someone says or does something, then you have a basis for derision. Even then, humans, merely since they are human, should not be subjected to derision unless there is some proximate nexus between that person and something that you have a bug up your butt about.

    I’m surprised to see you use this language Ed since the vast majority of your comments on the right wing nutjobs specifically calls out what the problem is; i.e. justifies the ridicule.

    My issue with the satan invoking poor thinker is that Beyonce should act however she wants to act. At this point in her career, I have to assume her finances are looking good so she’s likely not up there due to coercion. Absent that, sexy is a good thing!

  • raven

    Once someone says or does something, then you have a basis for derision.

    This woman wrote an article in Superstitious Moron magazine aka Charisma magazine. At this point, it is an act, a written communication meant to be read by the public.

    You don’t need to be a mind reader to read Superstious Moron magazine.

    Even then, humans, merely since they are human, should not be subjected to derision unless there is some proximate nexus between that person and something that you have a bug up your butt about.

    Oh Gee. You’ve got me there.

    I want to live in a free democracy. They want a totalitarian theocracy. They also want me and my kind dead, something they offer to do often.

    You bet I’ve got a bug up my ass about fundie death cultists and xian terrorists.

    If your name was really baal, you would too. The bible is full of baal hate. Do change your nym to something more reflective, please, Try Xian Jihadist.

  • John Hinkle

    Satan has a kingdom?

    Anyone know the secret knock?

  • http://dododreams.blogspot.com/ John Pieret

    danced in a way that should only take place between a husband and wife

    So its ok to get half naked and engage in barely disguised simulated sex as long as you’re married? Maybe those church dances are more interesting than I thought!

  • http://dododreams.blogspot.com/ John Pieret

    Anyone know the secret knock?

    Rap 666 times and ask for Lucifer.

  • baal

    “Try Xian Jihadist.” Seriously? You can look at the totality of my comments and assume I’m some sort of xtian mole or extremist?

    I understand getting hate well enough. My stand that all people are entitled to minimal procedural protection gets me plenty of it. Your name calling included. The xtians do much the same for (what looks to me) to be much the same reason. They want to group people up into the evil they may abuse and the good that they must defend.

    I don’t find, “well they are evil so we can do what we want willy nilly” persuasive. I reserve that type of hate for 2 specific individuals who went out of their way to create harm to me personally.

  • http://quodlibet-sarah.blogspot.com/ Quodlibet

    Satan has a kingdom?

    Yes. It’s in Connecticut, USA.

    http://www.ohranger.com/ct/satans-kingdom-state-rec-area

  • sc_770d159609e0f8deaa72849e3731a29d

    So, the devil doesn’t just have the good tunes, but the bad ones too.

  • Rip Steakface

    Don’t worry, the number of good Satanic songs probably far outstrips the number of bad ones. I mean, there’s every good metal song for starters! And all of jazz!

  • http://www.jafafahots.com Jafafa Hots

    “for many girls…” “about girl power” she says as she’s talking about grown women.

    Only dance that way for your husband, etc.

    She sounds like she doesn’t even want to think of herself as equal.

    Brainwashed.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    How amazing would that be?

    I’d say about 3 milliHandels.

  • grumpyoldfart

    She’s got a church full of people chucking tithes at her every Sunday. She can say the most idiotic things and the money keeps rolling in. So what if the atheists laugh – makes no difference to her.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    And the best god can do is Teddy Nugent?

    There’s been a lot of sensitivity in the supernatural community regarding the 1979 incident in Georgia and the Charlie Daniels Band. Since Satan gets the drug users he’s waiting for Eric Clapton and then he’s going to field Clapton, John Bonham, SR Vaughn, Whitney Houston, and Jimi Hendrix — and god says he’s got the lead vocalist from Nickleback, LLoyd Lindroth, and not much else and so he’s probably stalling to see if he picks up Aretha Franklin.

    The real reason god hates rock ‘n roll is because there’s not many good rockers made it to heaven.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    And the best god can do is Teddy Nugent?

    The weird thing is that the child molesting pants shitter is not the one working for Satan.

  • Stacy

    humans, merely since they are human, should not be subjected to derision

    Some ideas–and yes, some people–deserve derision. Derision should generally not be directed towards those who are vulnerable or less powerful than the ridiculer, but a little derision directed at a member of a group that possesses plenty of social and political power (conservative Christianity in the U.S.) is not a Bad Thing.

    I don’t find, “well they are evil so we can do what we want willy nilly” persuasive.

    Oh, for fuck’s sake. First of all, nobody used the loaded and imprecise word “evil.” Anyway, “what we want” in this case is ridicule coupled with substantive criticism of them, their ideas, and their effect on the society. Nothing worse than that.

  • Tâlib Alttaawiil (طالب التاويل)

    “Seriously, if you believe in a cosmic boogeyman who controls people, you’ve forfeited any right to be treated with anything but derision.”

    aha, that’s just what the cosmic boogeyman would want us to think!

  • raven

    humans, merely since they are human, should not be subjected to derision

    You mean like calling people servants of satan? This fundie woman wasn’t deriding Beyonce.

    Alyssa Shull was calling Ms. Beyonce a meat puppt of the devil, satan.

    This is beyond derision and into the worst insult some xian can possibly think of. Satan is a main power in their mythology. And it is worth deriding them for it and more. You are allowed to defend yourself. Think baal, who started this with a wacky article in Superstitious Morons magazine.

    I don’t find, “well they are evil so we can do what we want willy nilly” persuasive.

    Clueless. We don’t do what we want to them. We in fact, didn’t do anything but point out that this woman is superstitious moron and yes, the fundies are evil. The amount of damage they’ve done to our society and the amout they will do if they can is immense. You are making an incorrect overgenalization and wild accusations from what in fact this whole thread is about. That is just dumb.

    For Baal who seems a bit slow. These are not nice people and they do not have good intentions. They make no secret that they will destroy our country if they can. This is the whole reason that Freethoughtblogs even exists.

    Everyone knows this. For myself and a lot of other scientists, they’ve been sending me death threats for over a decade.

  • Ichthyic

    . Satan is the Duke boys to God’s Boss Hogg.

    so that makes Roscoe Coltrain… the Pope?

  • dingojack

    richardelguru (#10) – The agent of Beyonce, who in LA is based, Yoda he is?

    18 – Remember you’ve gotta Rap 666 times to get in the Satan’s Kingdom (a.k.a Connecticut), can it get worse than that?

    richardelguru – “… there’s every good metal song* for starters!” Why mention an empty set? 😉

    Dingo

    ——–

    * apparently, to answer my own question, yes

  • Rip Steakface

    @29

    Hey look, I can make blanket judgments on an entire genre of music!

    Sick of people dismissing any genre. I don’t like most any electronic music I’ve heard, but I don’t dismiss the entirety of the genre as bad. If a harsh music critic like me can handle that, then most people should be able to handle not dismissing metal, rap, jazz or any other genre for the sake of a cheap laugh.

  • voidhawk

    I thought The Fallen One had better music taste?

  • billyeager

    What else do you expect from Charismamag? Those people are properly nucking futs!

    Don’t forget the, “I was completely covered in witchcraft” bollocks from the “Wrestling with Demons” shite.

    It always seems to be the KJV Bible Christians who espouse this laughable, yet potentially dangerous ‘woo’. NatGeo recently did a pretty cool documentary about King James and his obsession with witchcraft. How come these nutbags today aren’t aware that, towards the end of his life, he had pretty much decided he was probably wrong about the whole thing. Not before thousands of women and girls had been brutally slaughtered in its name, mind.

    Seriously King James was a disturbed individual. But, hey, let’s all cling to his rewriting of the Bible, cos it uses that kewl Olde Worlde English language! Begat thy self! Thou crazy fooles.

  • birgerjohansson

    Allyssa Shull might like these performers. Good, Christian symbols, good music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGnpGWl0Hhk I think the singer has a bit odd complexion, that’s all.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “Beyoncé has this beautiful gift, that the enemy (Satan) has twisted to use for his kingdom.”

    I felt much the same way about Kate Smith, Marie and Donny Osmond, The Andrews Sisters and the Lennon Sisters.

    “So its ok to get half naked and engage in barely disguised simulated sex as long as you’re married? Maybe those church dances are more interesting than I thought!”

    Not in public, silly! You can dance like that in the privacy of your home OR in the pastor’s office, by way of demonstration.

    I read such trenchant tripe as that typed by Ms. Shull and I think:

    “By all that’s holy, if there wasn’t already a SATAN, they would have to create one!”.

  • Michael Heath

    Stacy writes:

    Derision should generally not be directed towards those who are vulnerable or less powerful than the ridiculer . . .

    No, derision should be directed towards those who behave badly. Of course we should frame our derision within the context of how bad that behavior is, note when others are also acting badly, and measure our derision relative to the degree of all bad behavior in evidence. But advocating inconsistently applied standards as you promote is a contemptible form of hypocrisy. It does and should result in the loss of moral authority to criticize anyone and expect consideration.

    Your argument is also an argument for tribalism, where we rationalize our avoiding the very standards we apply to ‘the other’ when one of the in-group acting badly. We instead claim victimhood as if that warrants our avoiding derision for acting badly – exactly what undeserving Christians who leverage their persecution narrative do.