The Whitewashing of Michele Bachmann

With Michele Bachmann announcing that she won’t run for reelection — which totally has nothing to do with the multiple criminal investigations into her presidential campaign, she assures us — the wingnuts are rushing to pen love letters to her brilliance and honesty and integrity. Doug Patton puts on his deceit-colored glasses and does his best:

The prophet Isaiah wrote, “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20, KJV) Sixteenth century theologian Martin Luther once said, “Send your good men into the clergy, but send your best men into politics.” Taken together, these two powerful quotes speak volumes to our day and age…

Sadly, one of our best and brightest, U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-MN, has chosen not to seek a fifth term in Congress. A petite and beautiful happy warrior for truth, justice and the Constitution, Bachmann virtually defied political gravity when she was first elected in 2006 — the same year voters repudiated the George W. Bush-led GOP and gave Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid control of both the House and the Senate.

Okay, how about “woe unto them who call stupid smart and crazy sane?

But then Bachmann sought to do what no one since the 19th century has pulled off: go directly from the United States House of Representatives to the Presidency. She picked up the mantle when it became obvious that her friend, Sarah Palin, was not going to run, and waged an aggressive, take no prisoners campaign that catapulted her to victory in the narrowly defined Iowa Republican Straw Poll in August of 2011.

Wow, really? Catapulted her to victory in the Iowa straw poll? That’s about as impressive as someone trying to win the Indy 500 beating the other drivers to the drive thru at McDonald’s before the race. She won the irrelevant straw poll and then got a measly 5% in the actual Iowa Caucuses a few months later and dropped out of the race. And by the way, Bachmann announced her candidacy months before Sarah Palin announced she wasn’t going to run for president.

Within weeks, however, the media began to highlight her foibles and eccentricities, crucifying her for petty mistakes that paled in contrast to the gigantic failures of their golden boy. In effect, they did to her what they have done to every conservative from Robert Bork and Clarence Thomas to Rick Santorum and Herman Cain. They hated them and so they destroyed them, and Bachmann was no exception.

Or…she kept saying one stupid and crazy thing after another, like claiming that vaccinations caused mental retardation, that Obama was going to force all young Americans into reeducation camps and the like, until people realized she was a first class nutball.

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  • raven

    Paraphrasing a news commentator;

    Bachmann’s mind is a fizzing cauldron of divine revelations and solipsistic delusions. What it isn’t is in any sort of contact with the real world.

  • raven

    What is ironic.

    Bachmann is famous for being anti-government.

    Bachmann has also financed a high class lifestyle using…government money. Without actually doing much to earn it.

    1. She worked for the IRS. Reports are that she wasn’t there much, being pregnant and giving birth to 5 children. Paid for by the excellent US government health insurance plan.

    2. She then won a high status, well paid position as US Representative from Minnesota. Reports are that she wasn’t there much, missed a lot of votes, and accomplished about zero. Even Karl Rove said she didn’t do much as head of the congressional Tea Party.

    I guess as long as you are god soaked enough and delusional enough, the fundies just throw money at you and hope a lot.

  • raven

    that paled in contrast to the gigantic failures of their golden boy.

    What failures are those?

    What Obama is done has worked and is fixing the Bush Catastrophe.

    The Iraq war is over, Afghanistan is winding down. The economy is growing again, unemployment is dropping, housing is recovering, the stock market set records, and even the deficits are half what they were. All this over the active obstruction by the GOP/Tea Party.

    All Bush did was create a lost generation, destroy the economy, kill two of my friends in Iraq, as well as my 401(K) plan and tens of millions of others.

  • Abby Normal

    She may have said one stupid and crazy thing after another. But those stupid and crazy things painted liberals as evil and conservatives as a persecuted, disenfranchised minority. This tended to really piss of liberals and isn’t that what’s really important?

  • baal

    “Sadly, one of our best and brightest,” (insert sound of scooby do going, huh?)

  • gshelley

    And by the way, Bachmann announced her candidacy months before Sarah Palin announced she wasn’t going to run for president.

    To be fair, Patton didn’t say once Palin had declared she wouldn’t run, but once it was obvious she wasn’t going to. Which was obvious from the day she quit her job as governor, because actual work was harder than being a celebrity.

  • chilidog99

    I think that if Doug Patton were ever to be arrested, the police would have no problem collecting DNA samples from his computer keyboard.

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    Every time Bachmann and Palin are mentioned together, I experience intrusive recollections of the talking twin babies video.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    baal @ # 5: … one of our best and brightest,… huh?

    By “our” he plainly meant “teabaggers'” – and he may be right.

  • dingojack

    “<b?The Whitewashing of Michele Bachmann ”

    I blame that Tom Sawyer!

    Dingo

  • stace

    The Whitewashing of Michele Bachmann seems suspiciously akin to the Polishing of the Turd.

  • dingojack

    Statce – really? When it comes to the former see here.

    Dingo.

  • busterggi

    “one of our best and brightest, U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-MN”

    So its not a complete lie, it just contains a horrifying truth.

  • footface

    Bachmann virtually defied political gravity when she was first elected in 2006

    You said it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003657987619 Barefoot Bree

    Raven @2: “I guess as long as you are god soaked enough and delusional enough, the fundies just throw money at you and hope a lot.”

    Well, they’ve sure had a lot of practice doing the same with their God, with just the same negative results, haven’t they?