A festival to celebrate the summer solstice last weekend had the clergy and Christian folk of Pahokee, Florida up in arms. They packed a city commission meeting and demanded that the city prevent the festival from taking place because OMG pagans! Devil worshipers!
“I just found out about this today. I am disappointed in the city of Pahokee for allowing this group to come,” said Pastor Brad Smith, Florida Director of Kids for Christ. Smith called the event “an abomination”.
“We don’t need this in our town. Not now. Not ever,” said Rev. Raul Rodriguez, of Church of God Door of Jesus Christ…
“We are opening ourselves up to things we should not, like belly dancing and magic spells,” said Daniel Mondragon. “We do not welcome these things. This is the first annual event, and it should be the last.”
“When I heard about this I immediately began praying,” said Bishop Jared Hines of New Destiny Community Church. “This event is not only detrimental to our city but to our county. What goes on at that lake will affect us all; it will move from the dike and into our homes.”
“We cannot expect our city to survive and prosper if we allow these things,” said Pastor Eugene Babb, of Harlem Church of God.
“God cannot heal our land if we have witches and warlocks violating our community,” said Evangelist Lillian Brown, of Saints on the Move.
The good news is that the event appears to have gone off without any problems despite the fervent prayers of the self-righteous:
Pastor Jorge Chivara of the Hispanic Nazarene Church addressed the commission through an interpreter, calling pastors of all faiths to unite and pray. He invited everyone (pastors and residents) to join his church on Friday, May 31 at 7 p.m.
He plans to discuss the festival and its potential effects on the community.
“We want to begin praying about what’s taking place before the event, during the event, and after the event,” Chivara said.
That’s a great idea. You pray to your heart’s content. Go tell your imaginary friend all about it and shut the hell up to the rest of us.