Hagee: The Rapture is Upon Us

Matthew Hagee, the even dumber son of televangelist John Hagee, says that we are living in the last and that the Supreme Court’s DOMA ruling is proof that Christians will be raptured soon. From your lips to God’s ears, Matthew. but it’s funny that he thinks the existence of gay people is proof that the end times are here, as though there weren’t gay people at every point in history.

httpv://youtu.be/2BT9QBKd8oM

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  • raven

    Hagee: The Rapture is Upon Us

    Translated from fundiespeak to English, that means, send us more money!!!

    The Hagees are some of the more obvious scammers among the vaguely humanoid toad fundie leadership. Any more obvious and they would be joining Hovind in prison.

  • marcus

    Yes Lord, Please take them up to their eternal reward and paradise. Just leave us poor sinners down here. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be okay, really. Thanks.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle
  • Comment Commentator

    “Christians will be raptured soon.”

    Good riddance to bad self-righteous uneducated myth-believing rubbish.

  • Alverant

    What someone should do is get photographs of clothes of Atheists on the ground as if the people inside them vanished then send them to Hagee with the message, “The Rapture already happened. Guess who got left behind.”

  • Anthony K

    Yay, Rapture! I can’t wait to find out who the True Christians™ were.

    Yes Lord, Please take them up to their eternal reward and paradise. Just leave us poor sinners down here. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be okay, really. Thanks.

    The problem is that it won’t just be us left behind, but all the sanctimonious asses from the wrong religions. They’re gonna be pretty pissed, and they’ll want to dive head-first into lives of hedonistic sin, without having the life experience with the mores and taboos associated with unrestricted vice.

    Like, what if it’s only the Copts who get the Vacuum of Virtue? That still leaves a billion plus former Christians to whom we’ll have to explain what it means to bogart a joint, and why one shouldn’t do that if one doesn’t want to get disinvited to future smoke circles. And what about all the baby-eating ceremonies? “Uh, sorry about my friend. Former Catholic, so he didn’t get Raptured. He didn’t know the blood was actual blood and not wine, but he’s happy to pay for your dry-cleaning nonetheless. Also, he drank all your wine.”

  • Anthony K

    What someone should do is get photographs of clothes of Atheists on the ground as if the people inside them vanished then send them to Hagee with the message, “The Rapture already happened. Guess who got left behind.”

    That prank, though not with atheists per se, has been done.

  • Rev. BigDumbChimp

    How many Hagee spawn are out polluting the world’s minds and air?

    Isn’t daddy enough?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “…but it’s funny that he thinks the existence of gay people is proof that the end times are here, as though there weren’t gay people at every point in history.”

    Yes, but it’s the first time ever that some of them can joint file their federal tax returns, just as was foretold in Revelations!

  • ricko

    Is it ONLY the United States the Lord is interested in?

    Those other countries got a free one from judgement?

    Where’s he been?

  • Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Is it ONLY the United States the Lord is interested in?

    Those other countries got a free one from judgement?

    Where’s he been?

    Come on ricko, everyone knows that the good ol’ US of A is God’s chosen country. He even had his son sign the Declaration AND Constitution.

    Take that France!

  • raven

    Is it ONLY the United States the Lord is interested in?

    Those other countries got a free one from judgement?

    Let’s hope not.

    The Jews and Israel used to be god’s chosen people and land.

    And look what happened to them!!!

    They got overrun by the Assyrians, Babylonians, Persians, Greeks, and Romans. The Romans kicked them out of Palestine, and then the xians periodically massacred them for two millennia, until the Germans almost finished them off.

    Being god’s favorite people turned out to be a long running disaster.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    @Anthony K – The scenario you lay out actually has a name: Preterism. It is the position that the prophesies of the Christian Bible already took place, on schedule and under budget, and that the world we live in is the aftermath.

    It certainly would explain a lot.

  • shouldbeworking

    Since the Rapture is upon the USA leaving us pagans and foreigners (is that redundant?) behind, can you at least leave the recipe for Coke behind when you leave?

    It sure will be quiet without WND around.

  • cjcolucci

    Now would be a good time to sign up with that company that offers insurance policies providing that, in the event of rapture, certified atheistswill take careof the policy-holders’ beloved pets left behind. Really, there is, or was, such a company, but I can’t find the link.

    And if they’re out of business, we can start one just like it.

  • Ben P

    @Anthony K – The scenario you lay out actually has a name: Preterism. It is the position that the prophesies of the Christian Bible already took place, on schedule and under budget, and that the world we live in is the aftermath.

    It certainly would explain a lot.

    Assuming for the sake of argument that the “prophecies” are meaningful at all, it makes a lot of sense in context as well.

    All of the New Testament was (purportedly*) written in the first century AD, for first century AD audiences. It makes very little sense to assert that a bunch of first century guys writing letters to each other had, as their target audience, English speakers living 1800-1900 years later. It makes much more sense to believe the books were written to be meaningful and reference current events, the jewish rebellion and destruction of jerusalem, the diaspora and various difficulties Christians encountered in the roman empire.

    *Scholars are virtually unanimous that, at a minimum, the Pauline epistles are in fact the work of Paul and date to the first century. . Likewise the general epistles are considered to be pseudonymous works by first century christian leaders. The gospels were cobbled together starting in CE85-90, and up to about 150. Tradition is that revelation was written in about 90AD.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    If the Crapture did happen it would be interesting to see which of the current Canadian Conservative Party membership would be left behind. Harper might ask to be left behind,. knowing he can’t continue his control freak ways in the great beyond.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Ben P @ # 16: Scholars are virtually unanimous that, at a minimum, the Pauline epistles are in fact the work of Paul …

    Huh? Per Bart Ehrman & many others, about half of the Pauline letters are forgeries.

  • coffeehound

    @Anthony K – The scenario you lay out actually has a name: Preterism.

    I don’t know, there are way too many assholes still walking around; scholars say anything about a second pick up? Is there, like a special can or curb or something?

  • iangould

    Would it be cruel to dump bundles of clothes and shoes outside a fundie church during a Sunday service?

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    @Pierce R. Butler #18 – The scholarly consensus is that I Thessalonians, Philippians, Philemon, I and II Corinthians, Galatians, and Romans were all written by the same person; for convenience, let us assume that the sole author was the person known as Paul of Tarsus. The earliest manuscripts known of these letters all show a consistent stream of ideas and development, along with nearly identical vocabulary and syntax.

    Nearly all scholars agree that the so-called “pastoral epistles” — I and II Timothy and Titus — were written by one person who was not Paul. For convenience, let’s call this person Pseudo-Paul. These three letters share ideas and have a consistent vocabulary and syntax with each other, which is markedly different from the 7 that have been identified as Paul’s.

    There is still vigorous debate over the author of Ephesians, Colossians and II Thessalonians. These letters mostly agree with Paul’s theology but introduce some novel ideas not found in Paul’s epistles, and the vocabulary and syntax indicate that these were written by three different authors, none of which were either Paul or Pseudo-Paul. The plurality agreement is that they are based on letters that Paul did actually write, but which were edited, redacted or otherwise amended by later transcribers.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Gregory in Seattle @ # 21 – Thanks for filling that in!