Klingenschmitt’s Amusing Arguments Against Equality

There are few on the Christian right who can match Gordon Klingenschmitt for sheer irrationality. Even among that demographic, he is incredibly stupid and illogical, as he demonstrates with a list of arguments against marriage equality in a recent email to his victims followers.

1. It has made our traditional marriage less valuable in the eyes of the state.

Right. Just like not allowing job discrimination on the basis of race has made white jobs less valuable in the eyes of the state.

2. It has forced Christian couples to pay more taxes to make up for the homosexual “bonus pay” now issued by as tax-benefits given to gay “married” couples.

Funny how it’s “bonus pay” for gay couples but just normal and expected for straight couples. What about all us single people who have to pay more taxes to make up for married couples who pay lower taxes? What about all of us non-Christians who have to pay higher taxes to make up for the tax breaks given to churches? In reality, same-sex marriage increases federal revenue, not decreases it. And churches get nearly $80 billion a year in tax breaks that the rest of us must make up.

3. It has de-valued by inflation our dollars in our family’s bank accounts by increasing the national debt to pay for more government benefits for gay “married” couples, for which the Fed must print new dollars to pay such debt.

I think it’s safe to say Klingenschmitt isn’t in line for the Nobel Prize in Economics.

5. It has hurt our national security and therefore our family’s safety by de-funding benefits given to straight couples or weapon systems and re-distributing those Pentagon dollars to gay “married” couples.

Yeah, I think you get the point by now. This takes stupid to a whole new level.

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  • marcus

    Wow! Who knew it was such a simple decision. Marriage equality or the next iteration of the Apache helicopter? I’ll go for the one that actually increases the amount of intelligence in the world (that would be the one without the 20mm mini-gun).

  • Rev. BigDumbChimp

    1. It has made our traditional marriage less valuable in the eyes of the state.

    Apparently marriage is a zero sum game. The more marriages there are, the less “valuable” they are.

    Oh noes.

    What happens if the homosexuals use up ALL the marriages?

  • bumperpuff

    Won’t someone think of the weapons systems?

  • arakasi

    With all his talk about the cost of benefits to same-sex spouses, I doubt that he would make a peep if those same people were marrying opposite sex spouses in order to get the same benefits.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Yup. It’s true. In addition to simply causing inflation and killing the resale value of hetero-marriages, gay marriage take money from hetero-guns and hetero-butter, providing nothing in return. That’s how it works. It’s Glitter Down theory in action.

  • Alverant

    What was the 4th reason? I noticed that one is missing.

    The underlying claim appears to be “it will cost money to give gay couples the same benefits straight couples enjoy and christians are being oppressed if they have to pay extra”

  • dingojack

    Oh Fruity Gordo now you’ve let the cat out of the bag! (Watch out for the black helicopters).

    Now everyone knows about the Pentagon’s latest (and greatest) weapon in the ‘war against everything’ straight couples!!

    Drop a couple of those babies into Iran and it’ll sort them out lickety-split, you betcha!!

    (SLC must had that one up his sleeve).

    Dingo

  • skemono

    Right. Just like not allowing job discrimination on the basis of race has made white jobs less valuable in the eyes of the state.

    No no no, it was allowing non-white people to vote that diluted the value of the white vote.

    Really. From a 1965 New York Times article:

    The constitutionality of the new voting rights law was challenged here today by a Brooklyn couple who complained that the new statute “dilutes” their voting power by permitting Puerto Ricans who cannot read or write English to vote.

    …[T]he complaint contends, … “The exercise of the franchise by such persons pursuant to Federal law … will dilute the effect of the plaintiffs’ vote.”

    Mr. Avins [the lawyer] said that the complaint was based on “violations of the Fifth, Ninth, Tenth and Fourteenth Amendments.”

    He said that the individual right of the Morgans to an “undiminished vote” was guaranteed them under the due process clause of the Fifth Amendment as applicable to the states under the Fourteenth Amendment.

  • dcsohl

    Alverant@6, there were actually 7 reasons in toto.

    4) “It has taken away the rights of Christian couples and Catholic charities to foster or adopt children in states like Massachusetts”

    6) “It has hurt our ability to worship Almighty God in a Christian chapel building whose altar has been desecrated by homosexual ‘weddings'”

    7) “It has threatened our family’s religious freedom in countless ways”

    You could also try following the link Ed provided – I haven’t clipped the entirety of 4, 6, or 7 here, so you’ll just have to take that step if you want Klingons**t’s full elucidations…

  • http://thebronzeblog.wordpress.com/ Bronze Dog

    6) “It has hurt our ability to worship Almighty God in a Christian chapel building whose altar has been desecrated by homosexual ‘weddings’”

    Translation: COOTIES!

  • gshelley

    I’m not sure which of them has the least relation to reality, but I’m going to go with number 6

  • Abby Normal

    1. Klingenschmitt has de-valued the freedom of the press by diluting the amount accurate information available.

    2. He has forced hard-working, thinking Americans to pay more in taxes to support the infrastructure he uses to transmit absurdities.

    3. He has hurt our national security by making Americans look like foolish, irrational, fearful, reactionary, simpletons, in other words prime targets for terrorism.

    4. He has harmed out economy by undermining international confidence in the American dollar. (see also 3)

    I’ll give him this; he’s hit on an entertaining formula for generating BS.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    When Klingenschmidt refers to a “Christian chapel,” what he means is a military chapel on a military base for military people who are military Muslims, military Christians, military Jews, military Wiccans to use. I fail to see how a gay Christian wedding desecrates anything more than a Wiccan ceremony in the same place. So, Gordo, they are simply “chapels,” not “Christian chapels.”

    Check K-Schmidt out whenever he appears on David Pakman, he’s a hoot.

  • freehand

    2. It has forced Christian couples to pay more taxes to make up for the homosexual “bonus pay” now issued by as tax-benefits given to gay “married” couples.

    .

    Of course those gay folks for years have been paying out extra bucks to support we married breeders. Actually, I think we should charge extra taxes for kids born to parents, but perhaps a small break for adopted and foster kids.

  • Michael Heath

    Ed writes:

    This takes stupid to a whole new level.

    Sarah Palin demonstrates that further descent is still possible.

  • rork

    Perhaps my understanding is impaired since it seemed 2,3 and 5 were the same point, and false.

    The whopper, 7: “It has threatened our family’s religious freedom in countless ways” made me want to see how he figured that, but the pointer was to a 28 minute video, and my tastes in masochism don’t go that far.