Lively Running for Massachusetts Governor

Deranged anti-gay bigot Scott Lively is running for governor of Massachusetts, presumably for the nomination of the American Fascist Party since the “Mass Republican Party is solidly controlled by moderate to liberal ‘progressives’ and the Democrats are virtual communists.”

I feel both called and well prepared to meet this challenge. I am a fifth-generation Bay-Stater, born and raised in the Village of Shelburne Falls, with roots in the region going back to the early 1600s. I am a former left-wing liberal, who has learned by hard experience the folly of those ways. I am a constitutional lawyer and internationally-recognized authority on family and human rights issues from a Christian perspective.

And by “internationally-recognized authority” he means that far-right Christian churches in some of the most totalitarian countries of the world absolutely adore him.

As a long-time favorite target of extreme “gay” and leftist slander I have skin thicker than a rhinoceros and cannot be intimidated or manipulated by critics or the media.

Slander. The guy who claims that gays were responsible for Hitler and the Third Reich that victimized hundreds of thousands of them is accusing someone else of slander. Irony!

I expect to often be asked by reporters what I think my prospects are for winning this election. To this I reply that it would take a miracle from God for Scott Lively to become Governor of Massachusetts — and I wouldn’t want it any other way. God should get the glory for any good thing that comes from this campaign. So don’t expect me to campaign like a politician. I will do nothing more than travel the state to offer what I believe are Biblical solutions to Massachusetts’ problems — and leave the rest to Almighty God.

So when you get a few hundred votes at the most out of millions in the state, will you take that as a sign that God thinks you’re a dangerous extremist who shouldn’t be in charge of anything? I didn’t think so.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Alverant

    “I am a former left-wing liberal”

    When was this and was it even true? Also if he’s a Constitutional scholar shouldn’t he know the government should not be endorsing religious laws?

  • Ogvorbis: Heading down the Failure Road. Again.

    Should make for a lively campaign.

    And the part about requiring a miracle from god to be elected? That is original, I’ll give him that.

  • Doug Little

    I am a constitutional lawyer and internationally-recognized authority on family and human rights issues …

    After having a leading role in the Uganda Kill the Gays debacle I don’t think he knows what human rights are.

    …from a Christian perspective.

    Oh… Those human rights… Fucking Asshole.

  • dugglebogey

    How come God never tells anyone to shut the fuck up?

  • http://accidental-historian.typepad.com/accidental-historian/ Geds

    dugglebogey @4: How come God never tells anyone to shut the fuck up?

    He does. They’re usually monks. They often go on to make fantastic beer. There’s probably a lesson in there somewhere.

  • Jeremy Shaffer

    So don’t expect me to campaign like a politician. I will do nothing more than travel the state to offer what I believe are Biblical solutions to Massachusetts’ problems — and leave the rest to Almighty God.

    He’s barely even started and he’s already showing he doesn’t have the courage of his convictions. If he truly believed that God would make him win, why is he even announcing his candidacy? It’d be hard to discredit divine intervention if he won despite the fact he never told anyone he was in the running, put his name of the ballet or anything that a politician that wants to win would do.

  • theguy

    Constitutional lawyer? Maybe in the Holy Roman Empire.

    If this bastard somehow wins the election, and his genocidal fascist god helps him, would that count as holy voter intimidation?

  • jnorris

    A couple of hundred votes is a small price to pay for a well-funded PAC of his very own to play with.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    Well, Shelburne Falls is about 8 air miles from Rowe Yankee, a nuke decommissioned in 1992, that might explain a few things.

  • busterggi

    ” I am a former left-wing liberal”

    Next he’ll be claiming to be a former atheist too.

  • PatrickG

    @ Ogvorbis:

    Should make for a lively campaign.

    /groan

  • Nemo

    A former liberal, eh? I wonder if his conversion story is as convincing as Michele Bachmann’s.

  • magistramarla

    Will he take enough votes from the rethuglican to be helpful to the Democratic candidate?

  • freehand

    Yes, I used to be a liberal. I hated God and wanted to be free to indulge in unspeakable perversions. I wanted to take the hard-earned money from honest Americans and give it to poor people. I wanted to see the US economy collapse under that pressure, so i could justify my jack-booted demands for equal rights for Muslims terrorists. But one night God came to me, and filled my heart with Christian love. He will fill yours, too, if you let Him! Join with me as I pray for a slow, painful death for these nonbelievers and perverts.

  • cry4turtles

    I believe an Emily’s List Democratic woman is running for that seat as well. Go girl!!

  • cry4turtles

    Martha Coakley to be exact.

  • abusedbypenguins

    “None of the above” on the bottom of the ballot would take care of this problem.

  • exdrone

    God should get the glory for any good thing that comes from this campaign. So don’t expect me to campaign like a politician. I will do nothing more than travel the state to offer what I believe are Biblical solutions to Massachusetts’ problems — and leave the rest to Almighty God.

    Yeah, well, god was Jesus’s campaign manager when he lost to Barabbas in the primaries, so the big guy doesn’t have the best track record.

  • caseloweraz

    Alverant: Also if he’s a Constitutional scholar shouldn’t he know the government should not be endorsing religious laws?

    That requires a creative interpretation. He wrote “constitutional lawyer” — small “c”. Therefore he’s a lawyer who takes a constitutional every morning to keep in shape. Or maybe he defends people who are injured during their constitutionals.

  • caseloweraz

    Lively Running for Massachusetts Governor

    Someone like Scott Lively should be running away from the governor of Massachusetts, and from every other duly elected official.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Alverant –

    He got his law degree at an unaccredited bible college. At age 24 he was already a flaming anti-queer, anti-abortion conservative, possibly at age 22, I’m not sure exactly when his stint with the OCA started. So For 23-25 years he’s been a raging theocrat. There were perhaps as many as 6 adult years when he was a “left-wing liberal”. I’ll leave it to you to decide how reasonable it is to assume that he spent any portion of his adult life as an actual left-wing liberal.

    Although… the way he defines left-wing liberal, he could have once paid his taxes without sending in a protest note about abortion & teh ghey. That might qualify in his mind.

  • dingojack

    “… a left-wing liberal …”?

    Do you mean Scott, that you were into teabagging as a young adult? Or were you just an ordinary member of the PoG?

    @@

    Dingo

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Oh, apparently TLS is now state-accredited, but still not nationally accredited. I don’t know when it was accredited, but the beginning of the years chosen below may coincide with either accreditation or a milestone toward accreditation. I did read at the time when Lively left the state of Oregon that he was going to an unaccredited school. He would not have graduated, however, until after 1997, so if the years below reflect the accreditation process it may be that it was accredited (by the state only) by the time he left.

    As for his delightfully idiosyncratic approaches to us constittuional jurisprudence, perhaps the following quote from Wikipedia on his alma mater can shed some light:

    For the years 1997 through February 2011, 388 Trinity graduates have taken the California Bar Examination as first-time takers; of that number, 56 passed the examination on their first attempt for a pass rate of 14%.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    @16:

    Martha Coakley is an unprincipled piece of shit and we have her to thank for helping get Mr. Brown elected to fill John Kerry’s seat. She’s a hack and a vindictive ex Middlesex County prosecutor who made her “bones” with that crapola Fell’s Acre Daycare case.

  • colnago80

    Re democommie @ #24

    She also declined to prosecute Cardinal Law, claiming that being an accessory after the fact was not a crime in Massachusetts.

  • cry4turtles

    Interesting info on Ms. Coakley. I don’t live in Mass, just recalling an Emily’s List alert. Residents will have to consider all info. Good luck!