Hagee: America to Experience ‘Hellish Nightmare’

John Hagee, easily one of the most ridiculous of all the televangelists, delivered the usual litany of tired cliches to his ignorant flock of sheep. America has “turned away from God” and he’s now “lifting his hedge of protection,” which portends a “hellish nightmare” if we don’t “return to the God of our fathers.”

httpv://youtu.be/ZJX9mryc-Vk

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About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    The God of MY fathers was Jesus Christ, and we’ve been working to bring America back to his teachings since the 1930s. The hell our country has been going through since Bush Jr. took over is proof that we were right all along.

    Hagee is spot-on, but not in the way he seems to think.

  • D. C. Sessions

    which portends a “hellish nightmare” if we don’t “return to the God of our fathers.”

    Translation: Democrats will be allowed to win some elections.

  • caseloweraz

    I think I see the “hellish nightmare” coming. It’s the black cloud that looms behind Hagee’s head in the first frame of that video.

  • caseloweraz

    Hagee: “We are one nation under God Period!”

    I never heard of this god Period.

  • haslar53

    What proportion of Americans go to evangelical heaven? 10%?

    Then let us praise God for all those abortion doctors who saved 90% of the 60 million aborted foetuses mentioned by the good preacher from an eternity in hell.

  • raven

    Let ,me guess. the solution is to send Hagee more money.

    He is one of the more obvious conpeople in that collection of conpeople known as fundie xian ministers.

    IIRC, he was kicked out of AofG for financial and other irregularities. Which takes effort, AofG is known to be corrupt in the first place.

  • zippythepinhead

    @4: The one true god Period is lord and creator of all things grammatical. You must honor Period by always placing TWO (2) spaces after periods at the end of sentences. http://xkcd.com/1285/

  • Who Knows?

    Nah, according to Bryan Fischer all we need is a Christian president in 2016 who will invite Christian ministers into the White House to exorcise it.

  • tsig

    I wish he wouldn’t say “hellish nightmare” with such relish.

  • eric

    Show manager: “John, I need to know for lighting: what speech are you planning on giving tonight?”

    Hagee: “my 1975 ‘God is leaving the US unless you repent right now’ speech.”

    Manager: “Always a good choice. I’ll make the arrangements.”

  • howardhershey

    Actually we are “One nation under God” only since 1954 (within my lifetime). We only had a pledge since 1892. This was not something the “Founders” imposed on or required of us, unless they were reincarnated. So we must have started out as a hellish secular republic and have slowly been becoming a hellish theocratic state.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    But the God of our fathers was a misogynist, racist, homophobic jerk.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    zippythepinhead

    Heretic!!!

    Period will do strange things to your colon!!!!!

  • John Pieret

    “Let us return to the God of our fathers; the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob”

    We should legalize polygamy?

  • Ethan Myerson

    “If you don’t [repent | donate your savings | follow my teachings | sacrifice a goat] my deity will bring horrible but unspecified atrocities upon you!” == Easiest prophecy ever.

  • tubi

    My father was an unrepentant anti-religionist atheist homosexual. So I am already following the “God” of my father (except the homosexual part, not that there’s anything wrong with that).

    What more must I do to save America?

  • busterggi

    I get the impression that Hagee & his sort have to wash the semen out of their underwear every time they give a speech like this.

  • Wylann

    busteggi. ewwwwww…just…ewwwww.

    God Period? Ya suppose that mysoginistic, or just bad grammer (see what I did there)?

  • Rey Fox

    But we already have a black president. What could their hellish nightmare be? A gay president? A liberal president?

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    I get the impression that Hagee & his sort have to wash the semen out of their underwear every time they give a speech like this.

    A disgusting visual, to be sure, but yes, those hateful frauds really do get a kick out of talking about the misery they want their god to inflict on everyone they don’t like.

    When my junior-high math and science teacher became a born-again Christian, he could never talk about the coming tribulation (basically a Hitler clone mandating both genocide and nuclear war) without smiling. The whole lot of them are just plain sick, and they’re tryin to inflict their sickness on as many people as possible.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    “Hedge” of protection? I’ve heard “hand” many, many times. Probably a few other things (“umbrella” comes to mind.) This is the first time that I’ve heard of holy defensive shrubbery.

    The obvious.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Hmmm… my ex-fundie wife tells me that a “hedge of protection” is mentioned in the Old Testament and that the phrase was in common use in Baptist circles for a long time. I still prefer the Holy Hand-grenade of Antioch.

  • Michael Heath

    Hagee (according to caseloweraz @ 4):

    “We are one nation under God Period!”

    This type of rhetoric consistently produces a hearty laugh out of me.

    What we learn here is that John Hagee and others who use this rhetorical device are at least unconsciously aware their position has so little merit it can’t withstand credible scrutiny.

    I find this behavior to be a defining attribute of not just theologically conservative religionists who energetically defend their tribe’s collective epistemic closure, but also many mainstream and liberal people of faith. Mere survival of religion requires such thinking, and more importantly the practice of avoiding competing ideas.

  • magistramarla

    I’m familiar with the god Period.

    It was the one that I was thankful to when I figured out that there wasn’t going to be yet another addition to the family!

  • elpayaso

    somehow i had the sneaking suspicion that the hellish nightmare would begin if i clicked on the button and that THING began to speak, so i didn’t

  • bushrat

    Hellish Nightmare…so, John Hagee’s broadcasts will be on every TV channel 24/7?

  • eoleen

    in re God Period:

    My wife used to worship the God Period, but she came to her senses some time in her 40′s, and left that church for good.

  • lordshipmayhem

    Here is a list of some of my forefathers’ gods, Mr. Hagee. Which god in particular are you referring to?

  • coffeehound

    Period will do strange things to your colon!!

    Or perhaps your semicolon…..all hail Period! death to aComma dationist infidels!

  • Ogvorbis: Apologies Available for All!

    Hagee: America to Experience ‘Hellish Nightmare’

    Well, if Hagee et al get their way, it sure will be.


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