I mentioned a while back that Sarah Palin has a new book coming out about the glories of Christmas and those evil liberal grinches who allegedly want to destroy it and rip all religious meaning from it. That book comes out this week but Dan Amira of New York magazine got the audio version a few days early and has some, uh, highlights. This kind of sums up his review:
For religious conservatives, howling over the so-called “war on Christmas” has become an annual holiday tradition almost as enjoyable as Christmas itself. On Tuesday, Sarah Palin seeks to capitalize on the phenomenon with the release of her newest book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas. Daily Intelligencer purchased the Palin-narrated audiobook from a local bookstore, where it was on sale early, and listened to all four-and-a-half hours, which is technically not a violation of the Geneva Convention if you’re getting paid to do it, New York’s legal team insists.
And to make things doubly amusing, he selects a bunch of the choicest quotes from the book and provides the audio clips. All you have to do is click on the ornaments on the Christmas tree to hear Palin lend her incredibly annoying voice to gems like this:
An angry atheist with a lawyer is one of the most powerful persons in America.
I bet Charles Darwin never understood this: If the world could be described as truly survival-of-the-fittest, why would people collectively be stricken with the spirit of generosity in December?
Um. What…I mean…seriously? She said that? In public?
It is Christ who empowers every act of goodwill toward men in our otherwise fallen hearts.
Um, what? What about all the atheists who act with goodwill toward others every day? Or any of the other billions of people who not only don’t worship Jesus but likely have never heard of him? Oh, wait…they aren’t likely to buy this book or to exist in the minds of those who do, so never mind them.
Many on the left see faith and family as oppressive, but the right sees them as indispensable.
Really? What about faith in Islam? Or Hinduism? Is that indispensable? And what about families headed by gay people? Oh, right. Screw them.
Perhaps Christmas causes so much anger because the very name of the holiday broadcasts the name above all names.
To whom, exactly, does Christmas cause so much alleged anger? Virtually every atheist I know celebrates Christmas with their families, they just do so without caring a bit about the religious content. Challenging nativity scenes on public property is not about anger, it’s about reducing Christian privilege and exclusive access to public property. Lots of Christians strongly support the separation of church and state too, even while they celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday.
But you know who really did get angry about Christmas? The Puritans that Palin no doubts think are the very model of Christian virtue. They forbid the celebration of Christmas at times in the colonies they controlled because it was a pagan holiday and an insult to God if you celebrated it. They were so angry about it that they would throw you in jail for celebrating it.
So are you ready for some good, old-fashioned words? Here are some: work, honesty, courage, justice, thrift, perseverance.
Okay, seriously. Did the woman who quit her job as governor really just try to pose as an exemplar or work and perseverance? Did the woman who wouldn’t know the truth if it crawled up her pantleg, perched on her ass and yodeled the Ave Maria just advocate honesty? Did the woman who supports a huge range of policies that make justice impossible try to sell herself as a fan of justice? Why yes. Yes she did.
Has there ever been a more ridiculous political figure than Sarah Palin?
Like Dispatches on Facebook: