Klingenschmitt Explains Fake Story

Leave it to our old pal Gordon Klingenschmitt to not only pass on a fake a story a week after it was thoroughly disproved, but to provide an utterly idiotic explanation for it. The story is that nonsense about Obama forcing Marines to wear “girl hats.” And of course that explanation is…demons. That’s always Gordo’s explanation.

“You can’t have men in the United States Marines wearing clothing that’s designed for women,” Klingenschmitt said. “So you know what President Obama’s solution is? To make all the uniforms the same. And this is going to usher in the possibility of transgender, cross-dressing men who want to look like women, they’ll be able to wear a women’s uniform.”

Of course, by definition, a “unisex” uniform is neither male nor female so a man or woman who wears one is not actually wearing a uniform designed and designated for the opposite sex. And even though President Obama had nothing to do with it and it’s not happening, Klingenschmitt knows what is really going on.

“This is not just a fashion stunt,” he said, but rather an effort at “setting the stage for transgender admission of cross-dressing men into the military.”

“This decision came down from on high, I guarantee it,” he added, “and that’s a demonic spirit.”

Citing Deuteronomy 22:5, which says “a woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God,” Klingenschmitt asserted that this change was an attempt by President Obama “to make all of the Marines into an abomination because they all put on women’s clothing.”

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  • AsqJames

    “This is not just a fashion stunt,” he said, but rather an effort at “setting the stage for transgender admission of cross-dressing men into the military.”

    He’s never seen M.A.S.H. (which I understand is a documentary about the Korean War) then?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    The Marines could dress as ballarinas, but they’d still be fuckin’ Marines.

  • dmcclean

    1-866-OBEY-GOD?

    Seriously?

  • Artor

    Klingyshitz is amazing. How can one person be so completely lacking in intelligence or charisma? Does he sob himself to sleep every night for being such a miserable excuse for a human being, or does he think demons cursed him with the appearance of a wrinkled foreskin and the mind of a delusional chihuahua?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dmcclean “1-866-OBEY-GOD? Seriously?”

    Lavernicus 21:3 ~ “And my number shall be toll-free. And many shall call the number”, saith the LORD.

    Epistle to El Paso 4:18-19 ~ Many shall call, but lo, few shall be answered / And He recommended that they try again later.

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Deuteronomy 22 also contains a prohibition against combining different fibers (e.g. wool and linen) in one’s clothing. I’m sure Dr. Chaps has plans to expose the demonic spirit of fabric mixing in a future program.

  • Taz

    Citing Deuteronomy 22:5, which says “a woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God,”…

    What a pathetic, petty little god this man worships.

  • Mr Ed

    I guess he never saw Brave Heart to see how a bunch of guys in skirts fight.

  • freehand

    If gender differentiation is so important to him, why does he shave his face like a woman’s?

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @ Mr. Ed

    Or, for a more modern example, the Black Watch. A bunch of guys in “skirts” that you don’t want to be on the wrong side of.

  • tiredofusernamerules

    Citing Deuteronomy 22:5, which says “a woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God,”

    Milton Berle was an abomination? Who knew?

  • Trebuchet

    1-866-Obey-God translates to 1-866-623-9463. Seriously, it’s right there on the screen. 666! Apparently ‘ol Gordo is already wearing the mark of the beast.

  • Trebuchet

    I guess he never saw Brave Heart to see how a bunch of guys in skirts fight.

    Or, for a more modern example, the Black Watch. A bunch of guys in “skirts” that you don’t want to be on the wrong side of.

    Ever seen a picture of Jesus in pants? He’s always wearing sort of a dress.

  • Larry

    Damn it, Obama. We’re paying you to be President, not a fashion designer to the armed forces. Put those color swatches away and do your job!

    And don’t even think about about changing the drapes there in the Oval Office.

  • eric

    Klingenschmitt asserted that this change was an attempt by President Obama “to make all of the Marines into an abomination because they all put on women’s clothing.”

    It’s a man’s hat. So technically, the abomination has been allowing women to wear it for the past umpteen years, and Gordo should be yelling at male marines to wear it more often, not less.

    .

  • corporal klinger

    I enjoy the comedy of George Carlin, Billy Conolly, Bill Maher, John Stewart et al, but nothing, really nothing compares to the real life “comedy” of this guys.

    I often wonder if these people completely lack any self awareness, if they really don’t realize that they are a kind of living bad joke.

  • uzza

    It’s be fun to have a Navy Seal explain to him how they wear pantyhose so they can get their wet suits off easier.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    uzza “It’s be fun to have a Navy Seal explain to him how they wear pantyhose so they can get their wet suits off easier.”

    BANNING DADT IS FORCING THEM TO WEAR PANTHOES! FOR ALL THAT GAY MANSEX! THANKS A LOT, OBAMA!

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @tiredofusernamerules:

    Milton Berle was an abomination? Who knew?

    Ummmmm, I think Uncle Milty was happy to tell you that himself.

    …Plus you can cite me as a source. When you write your dissertation on the biblical violations of Milton Berle and get to the section on public reaction, you can just cite this as:

    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden. User comment 17 on “Klingenshmitt Explains Fake Story.” Dispatches from the Culture Wars. FreethoughtBlogs.com, 13 Nov. 2013. Web.

    Put your date of access at the end.

    I say all this as I think about your committee checking your sources and say, “What the hell?”

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Ack. HTML fail. No italics after Dispatches from the Culture Wars, please.

  • caseloweraz

    Freehand: If gender differentiation is so important to him, why does he shave his face like a woman’s?

    Indeed. Does not the Old Testament say men shall not “round the corners of their beards”?

  • dingojack

    uzza – and the nail polish the SEALS carry is just to fix ladders, I suppose…..

    😉 Dingo

  • busterggi

    Hey Rocky, watch me pull a demon outta muh hat!

  • steve84

    The different hats for men and women in the US military has always been extremely stupid. Most other countries don’t that.

    The only female hat that actually looks better than the male version is the Navy enlisted one.

  • dan4

    @4: Artor, the guy who says that he couldn’t imagine Victoria Jackson being raped because of her voice (I don’t know how to link, but it’s the eighth comment in “Akin Finds Important Supporter” in the Dispatches archives) is talking about someone being a “miserable excuse for a human being.” That’s rich.

  • shay

    If he’s that hipped on Deuteronomy 22:5 he needs to explain his tolerance of all those women in camouflage fatigues since, oh, about 1978.