Fischer Preaches At Us

Bryan Fischer interrupted his regularly scheduled program of saying incredibly stupid things about politics to give a little preaching to those of us who keep up with his program just to highlight that stupidity. If we don’t stop, we’re all going to go to hell.

“If anybody is listening to me right now who is not a Christian,” Fischer said, “We have a lot of people who listen to this program just to troll this program or to report to RightWingWatch, but I want you to understand the stakes that you’re playing for right here. Because what John says in this vision is the consequences of refusing to yield before Jesus Christ as the Lamb of God and as the Lion of Judah are eternal. There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb and I do not want you to experience that.”

Wow Bryan, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that. I’ll be converting immediately.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Doug Little

    “There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb and I do not want you to experience that.”

    Sounds like a swell guy… Why do you worship him again?

  • thompjs

    When I was a Christian in High School (long time ago), I thought somehow that most people had never heard the Gospel. Not sure how I came to that conclusion, but Fischer seems to be under the same delusion.

  • unbound

    Why do I have an image in my mind of a thug pointing a gun at my head screaming, “Say I’m right, or I’ll blow your brains out!”

  • Randomfactor

    Why do you worship him again?

    He hopes to be eaten FIRST.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Book of Extortion 4:12-13 ~ “You don’t gotta do what I say, but if you don’t, well, let’s just say that tings’ll happen to you. Bad tings.”

  • Alverant

    An argument that resorts to threats can be dismissed out of hand.

  • Jeremy Shaffer

    Why do you worship him again?

    Because Fischer is just doing what comes naturally to all the Grover Dills of the world and toadieing up to which ever Scut Farkus suits their fancy.

  • Moggie

    That’s pretty rough for those of us with bad knees.

  • D. C. Sessions

    I want competing bids: how about a mullah or two to see who makes the best offer?

    Live on camera, of course.

  • Anthony K

    “There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb and I do not want you to experience that.”

    Well then, my friend, you are in luck. Have you heard the Good News™ of atheism?

  • zenlike

    There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb

    Hmmm, I think the word ‘lamb’ is thus very misapplied to this Jesus character. Has Fishy ever met a lamb?

  • scienceavenger

    We aren’t making fun of your show because we refuse to yield to Jesus you pompous fuck. We do so because we refuse to yield to YOU. It never ceases to amaze me that these blowhards conflate themselves and their gods…in all humility of course.

  • jakc

    oh sure zenlike, Jesus was a lamb when compared to his brother Doug Christ. Jesus was always bringing flowers home to his mom, and he knew how to treat a female impersonator.

    Doug on the other hand, well I’ve seen grown men pull their heads off rather than have to deal with Doug.

  • dugglebogey

    Omnibenevolence = Love me or else!

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    “There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb and I do not want you to experience that … unless I’m watching while sitting on my heavenly couch with a big tub of popcorn and some Milk Duds. Since I’m already dead I can have extra butter! And with no diabetes in heaven I get the Coke with the massive quantities of corn sweetener.”

  • Larry

    Sounds to me as though Fischer is becoming a bit sensitive to the mockery storm he constantly is unleashing with his idiotic pronouncements. He just threw out the “My daddy can beat up your daddy” school yard remark.

  • John Pieret

    We have a lot of people who listen to this program just to troll this program or to report to RightWingWatch … the consequences of refusing to yield before Jesus Christ as the Lamb of God and as the Lion of Judah are eternal.

    Just who does Fischer think he is, anyway?

  • hrafn

    I was going to “yield before Jesus Christ” as the New Testament and this nice Bryan Fischer man told me I should do.

    But then somebody else told me that the Koran says I have to submit unto Allah and that Jesus was merely the last of his prophets. I’m so confused. Who should I be submitting to? Maybe I’ll just sit it out until they can work it out between themselves (and don’t even get me started on the Vedas and Brahman).

  • dingojack

    Moggie – Not Rheumatoid arthritis by any chance? (If so, snap).

    Jakc – “… everyone was afraid of Doug….”

    Zenlike – Old Fish-face might not have met a lamb, but I have. It was adorable – and delicious*. YUM!

    Dingo

    ——–

    * Clearly, Catholics overcook the lamb until it’s little dry wafers. medium rare is best with a little mint sauce.

    Jesus – the other, other, other white meat.

    .

  • grumpyoldfart

    Fischer says:

    There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb and I do not want you to experience that.”

    If I ever stand before the Lamb, I’ll punch his silly head in for being such an arsehole.

  • Robert B.

    Anthony K:

    Well then, my friend, you are in luck. Have you heard the Good News™ of atheism?

    Does that idiom sound Farnsworth-y to anyone else? Now I’m picturing, say, PZ going back to his local church, all “Good news, everyone!”

  • http://Reallyawakeguy.blogspot.com somnus

    So the correct way to pick your religion is the one that issues the most vicious threat?

    Well then, Fischer, you’d best start worshipping the Great Nargle, else not only will *you* be tortured for eternity after you die, but so will your entire family line. In fact, the souls of previous generations who got to go to Nargleheaven will be ripped out and sent to Narglehell to be tortured next to you because they committed the sin of giving birth to such a vile nonbeliever as yourself.

  • freehand

    unbound: Why do I have an image in my mind of a thug pointing a gun at my head screaming, “S

    More entertainingly, it’s a thug whose feet are handcuffed (footcuffed?) together, and the gun he’s holding is clearly a water gun. Bryon is throwing out the most scary threat he can imagine, but since we know it’s imaginary, it isn’t having the threat he wants.

  • freehand

    scienceavenger: We aren’t making fun of your show because we refuse to yield to Jesus you pompous fuck. We do so because we refuse to yield to YOU. It never ceases to amaze me that these blowhards conflate themselves and their gods…in all humility of course.

    Yes. If I asked a question of my grandpa (the SBC preacher) about some troublesome aspect of doctrine or bible, he would respond in his scary angry pulpit voice “Are you calling God a liar?

    “Well, no, Grandpa”, I would think. “I’m wondering if you are wrong”. But I didn’t say that out loud. Fundamentalists can’t seem to get the distinction between [what the bible says] and [what they think it says].

    They are almost completely not self-aware. I really did feel growing up that I was being raised by …well, some other species. But not others of my kind.

    “I don’t interpret the bible, I only read it as it says” Grandpa would say. “But,” I thought, “we can’t look at a rock without seeing it differently. How could we really read something without running it through various filters of some sort or other?”

  • a miasma of incandescent plasma

    the Lamb of God and as the Lion of Judah are eternal

    They’re always forgetting the Zebra of Springfield and the Aardvark of Aruba.

  • Thumper: Token Breeder

    I’m just really enjoying the inherent contradiction of stating that you must bow to this thing because if you don’t it will torture you forever, and then calling that thing The Lamb.

  • coffeehound

    @ 7,

    Because Fischer is just doing what comes naturally to all the Grover Dills of the world and toadieing up to which ever Scut Farkus suits their fancy.

    Jesus had yellow teeth, so help me, yellow teeth!

  • coffeehound

    @ 7,

    Because Fischer is just doing what comes naturally to all the Grover Dills of the world and toadieing up to which ever Scut Farkus suits their fancy.

    Jesus had yellow teeth, so help me, yellow teeth!

    (blockquote fail)

  • Ichthyic

    There is a torment that lasts forever for those who do not bow the knee to the Lamb

    I hear this happens to SOs of Ravelry fans all the time.

  • Ichthyic

    …only SOs of knitters will get that.

  • sailor1031

    I thought Haile Selassie was the ‘lion of judah’.

    Why do they worship? Fear, pure fear. As a church sign I saw said -“god’s love is unconditional as long as you are obeying jesus christ”. Close your eyes Quacky, you shouldn’t oughter see what’s going to happen to these disobedient atheists.