Rep. Randy Forbes (R-eally Right Wing) submitted a bill today to build a memorial in Washington, DC to those who bravely lost their lives in the War on Christmas. The memorial, which will be in the shape of a duck, will also include the Tomb of the Unknown Culture Warrior.
The memorial will also feature an interactive exhibit of Bill O’Reilly talking about liberal pinheads attacking Christmas while he is in a shower rubbing himself down with a falafel. Sarah Palin will give a rousing speech at the opening of the memorial in which she will inform us that she knows Santa is real because she can see the North Pole from her house and because her ghost writer killed Rudolph with a shotgun that she bought them for Christmas last year. Also scheduled to appear is Lee Greenwood, who will sing God Bless the USA accompanied by a group of homeschooled children playing specially made duck calls painted like American flags.
The bill is co-sponsored by the entire Republican Caucus in the house with the exception of Justin Amash of Michigan, who says that the federal government has no authority to build war memorials. Immediately after the opening ceremony for the memorial, the GOP’s plan is to shut down the government and then blame the Obama administration for not keeping it open to honor the bus loads of War on Christmas veterans who will flood the nation’s capitol.
The Pentagon is warning Americans that the War on Christmas is not over yet and that we must remain vigilant to the grave dangers to the country. They are requesting an additional $250 billion a year in the defense budget, in addition to the cost of invading a yet-to-be-named country full of dark-skinned people because their failure to celebrate Christmas is a clear threat to American sovereignty.
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