Garrow Thinks Obama Tried to Kill Him

Jim Garrow, the seemingly deranged man who claims, without evidence, to be a former CIA agent and has been telling bizarre stories of Obama trying to nuke the country and communicating with aliens, is now claiming on his Facebook page that the government tried to kill him. But he outsmarted them:

Oops – you missed:

So this is the year of the attempted killing of Jim Garrow – 2014, a banner year. Here is the long and the short of the attempt.

I received a message from a man who had been an off and on contact on facebook and had made encouraging statements over time. The man identified himself as a dual citizen, American/Canadian who shared my view that the Republic was in danger and that Obama was a despot in the making having no regard for the rule of law.

The gentleman wanted to meet face to face and have a chance to chat with the man “who he considered to be a hero”. Nice ego building stuff. Most importantly he was inviting me to have lunch on him. I will do amazing things for a free lunch (stopping short of welfare or ripping off the State). So we arranged to meet in a location about 35 minutes drive from my place and off I went in my Lexus SUV to the meet. I didn’t make it as the transmission and drives to the wheels went wonky, making weird noises and just not working properly. I ended up limping back home and changing cars. A quick look showed me that the lines for the fluids had been severed just enough to get me driving with the hope of someone that I would be “inconvenienced” in some manner by the locking up of the transmission or the drives to the wheels in some way. Now this day is one of the coldest this winter with -22 degree temps. So the cold helped to save my life.

What the culprit did not know was that this summer I had the local mechanic change all the stainless steel lines for the transmission cooler, and the drive wheels on the mechanics recommendation due to their age. So these lines were all new and should last 15 years at least, after all they are stainless steel, an expensive set of parts to replace. So today the vehicle will receive a forensic examination at the hands of the local police and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (yes sweet Nell, the homeboys of Dudley Dooright).

Interestingly enough the arranged conversation with the gentleman who paid for lunch edged into his desire for me to be involved in a plot to assassinate President Obama. This stuff is certainly coming “fast and furious”. I can’t wait for my interviews today as I explain to folks these curious turns of events. So Jan 2nd becomes the day they try to kill me and the day they try to involve me in a murder plot. Neat and tidy. Curiously however is that if the attempt on my life had worked, they wouldn’t have needed to involve me in a murder plot. Just trying to take a player out of the game I would guess.

Any bets on what the police and the RCMP will find in their investigation? Absolutely nothing. And what the hell is a “transmission cooler”?

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • colnago80

    And what the hell is a “transmission cooler”?

    http://goo.gl/kYEorN

  • Larry

    The man identified himself as a dual citizen, American/Canadian who shared my view

    Ted Cruz tried to kill Jimmy!

    You bastard!

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    Nutter paranoiacs just gotta… paranoy? There ought to be a verb for people like Garrow.

  • Mr Ed

    Occam’s razor. Extreme cold after market part fails or the President of the United States is trying to kill a wacky pundit with little following and less influence.

    Obama’s next attempt will be to water down his sun screen on the fourth of July leading to a possible fatal melanoma.

  • Artor

    A transmission cooler is like a tiny radiator for your transmission fluid, used on vehicles that tow heavy loads. If Garrow has a boat, he might have had one installed. I tow a trailer for work, and it was suggested that I have one put on my rig, but I’ve never needed it. That said, I don’t believe a single word Garrow said. Schmuck.

  • Randomfactor

    Obama seems to be able to finish the job when he decides to kill someone. See: bin Laden, Osama.

    Conclusion: Garrow’s not important enough to be bothered with.

  • http://nigelthebold.com/ Avo, also nigelTheBold

    Wait. So they tried to kill him and involve him in a murder plot? “Look, once he’s dead, we want him to join an assassination plot, so we can waterboard him in Gitmo.”

    If you’re going to kill someone, you don’t do it by severing lines to a transmission. You don’t fuck with the vehicle’s ability to go. You fuck with the vehicle’s ability to stop. So I guess Obama is both an evil mastermind, and an incompetent planner.

    I’m really having trouble piecing together this sloppy narrative.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    He’s in Canada? Scary. And strange. You’d think he’d be upset about not being able to be armed to the teeth, concealed carry being just about impossible in Canada.

  • TxSkeptic

    Sounds like Garrow is not at all familiar with the workings under the hood. Who has the lines changes to the transmission cooler? (unless they are damaged, but not due to ‘age’) His mechanic took him for a ride. And he changed the drive wheels? WTF is he talking about?

    I predict the RCMP will find the scamming mechanic & determine he did a piss-poor job on the replacement causing the lines to fail in the extreme cold. But then Garrow will be convinced they were in on the plot too.

  • matty1

    I will do amazing things for a free lunch

    Tempting, very tempting

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    I don’t see what changing the stainless steel lines has to do with anything. They still were cut, according to his story, and leaked. He claims it was the cold that saved him. That he may have put in new ones last summer seems to have nothing to do with anything, other than as a way for him to demonstrate how smart he is to his credulous followers.

    He also doesn’t explain how this was an assassination attempt. How would cutting the transmission cooler lines in an attempt to ‘inconvenience’ him end up killing him? As another poster has noted, the transmission cooler is on optional device. I don’t see how disabling it would end up killing the driver. He doesn’t say they cut his brake lines. I’m curious to know why disabling a transmission cooler in -22 weather would have any noticeable affect at all.

    He also seems to be saying, but not at all clearly, that he made it to his lunch eventually and the person he was to meet showed up. This makes no sense. If the lunch had been arranged as a means to get him to drive his booby-trapped vehicle, the person he was supposed to meet wouldn’t actually show up at the meeting.

    Why would the RCMP be involved? Does he claim elsewhere to live in Canada?

    Not that I believe a single word of the story, but fisking it a bit is somewhat amusing.

  • Baktru

    A transmission cooler is an extra cooling system for the oils that lubricate the transmission. The coolest car I ever owned had two radiators, one typical one for the engine system, and a smaller one to keep the oils for the gearbox at a proper temperature.

    Of course Obama tried to kill me as well when I drove it and got in a crash. Never mind this was during the Bush years.

  • Abby Normal

    He’s like a real life Gollum, at once delusional and dangerous, a villain, yet I pity him, which engenders a certain amount of affection for the poor creature.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/VeritasKnight VeritasKnight

    Let’s see some pics of these “cut” lines. Something tells me they look more like “burst” or “broken” lines. I’d also like to see a copy of the report filed with the Mounties.

    Assuming this happened at all.

  • dingojack

    Garrow – If you think that Obama is powerful enough to go back in time to plant his own birth notice is a Hawaii Newspaper, kill various unconnected people without being in the least suspected and influence a whole nation (nay world) into believing sundry crazy shit that you think he can, then if he wanted you dead you would be nothing more than a stale shit-stain on the highway of history. Get over yourself, you absolute wanker!

    Dingo

  • matty1

    I don’t see what changing the stainless steel lines has to do with anything. They still were cut, according to his story, and leaked. He claims it was the cold that saved him. That he may have put in new ones last summer seems to have nothing to do with anything, other than as a way for him to demonstrate how smart he is to his credulous followers.

    I read it as “this couldn’t possibly be ordinary wear because they were new”.

  • colnago80

    Re #11

    Maybe he is trying to claim that the transmission lines would fail, incapacitating the car and that he would freeze to death out in the boondocks before help arrived.

  • leskimopie

    If its cold and snowy that would only make a driver less careful and more likely to get up to very dangerous speeds at many parts of their journey, damaging the transmission would only make him go even faster as he floors it in an attempt to go easy on his car and smooth out any bumps in his ride with his now wonky wheels. That all basically guarantees a crash will happen, and car crashes are always fatal, its almost TOO perfect, it would make it too obvious it was a government assassination.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    I read it as “this couldn’t possibly be ordinary wear because they were new”

    .

    That makes “I had new ones installed just last summer” sound like overly convenient bullshit.

    I managed to find this news article about ‘Dr’ Jim Garrow. It seems he is a Canadian living in Guelph, Ontario, a school teacher who has been disciplined for misconduct, who grew up in Toronto. He has absolutely no claim to being an American ‘Patriot’. There’s nothing in the article to suggest he’s ever lived in the US, let alone has US citizenship.

    He also has been involved in dodgy conduct involving adoptions in China for which his beloved RCMP has been investigating him. Not that I believed for an instant that the RCMP is investigating what happened to his car, but I believe it even less now. And his claim that he’s a doctor is also bullshit.

    If he’s trying to say that the cutting of the transmission cooler lines and the meeting at the restaurant were two separate plots, as some commenters seem to think, that just happened to be carried out on the same day and both were ordered by Obama, then he’s even more nutty than I first thought.

    So he’s former CIA huh? Who was he spying on then from Canada?

  • Moggie

    If it turns out that those lines were cut, what then? The prime suspect would be Garrow himself, I think. Or the space lizards.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    You don’t get it, Moggie. Garrow is an American Patriot, and a whistleblower against the US government! (even though he’s a school teacher from Canada). So of course the prime suspect is Barack Hussein Obama. Just ask the RCMP.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “Minions! Carry out my plan to inconvenience him slightly! Moo ha-ha! Mwaah ha-ha!”

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Garrow: “Do you expect me to talk, Obama?”

    Obama: “No Dr Garrow, I expect you to be INCONVIENCED!”

  • Erk12

    You guys are just taunting him because you’ve missed the critical factor. On Jan 5th he added a reply to that FB post saying that he was going to get milk while he was out on that trip. Don’t you see? MILK! It all makes sense now.

    He lives about an hour away from me, and considering the unusually cold temperatures we’ve had, the most likely bit of that story is that his coolant lines burst, if transmission coolant is anything like regular radiator coolant. A lot of people around here don’t have a proper mix to keep it liquid down to -40 C. This guy is now my favourite wingnut since I found out he’s Canadian and lives so close.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Erk12, even our lunatics are being caught up in the brain drain. Home grown conspiracy theories and paranoia just aren’t good enough for them any more.*Sigh*

  • Thumper: Token Breeder

    Interestingly enough the arranged conversation with the gentleman who paid for lunch edged into his desire for me to be involved in a plot to assassinate President Obama.

    And he still went to the lunch. Surely this is at least grounds for suspicion?

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Erk, you might find this item about your favorite wingnut interesting.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    @Thumper, suspicion of what exactly?

    I took Garrow to mean that it was while he was at the lunch that the conversation ‘edged into’ his companion’s desire to involve Garrow in an assassination plot, and that Garrow is recounting this to amuse his readers by the obvious and lame attempt to entrap him.

  • tubi

    @22

    “Minions! Carry out my plan to inconvenience him slightly! Moo ha-ha! Mwaah ha-ha!”

    Argh, not the comfy chair!!

  • mjmiller

    Most automatic transmission cars today have an integral transmission cooling system which keeps the automatic transmission fluid at nominal operating temperature. Some, like the SUV mentioned may have a secondary cooler. Just an additional radiator, really. Cutting or improperly connecting the lines would simply cause the fluid to leak out causing the transmission to slip and prevent the car from moving. The only danger to the driver would be if he were stranded in the freezing colt of Ontario with no hope of succor for a few days. And as has been mentioned, unless the lines are damaged, they are meant to last the lifetime of the car. These are not expected to wear, like for example, the timing chain or belt, or break pads. Forgive me if all this has been pointed out already.

  • lofgren

    I doubt Obama tried to have Garrow killed because he Knows Too Much. More likely Obama was worried he wouldn’t use up the three freebies all presidents get from the Secret Service, so he just threw Garrow’s name out there to do the world a favor.

  • Donnie

    This whole thread commentary is just what I need in the terms of comic relief.

    “No one expects the INCONVENIENCE!”

    @Modusoperandi: If I ever become famous enough to have a roast, I want you to be the “ides of march” chirping in comments to the crowd over the other roaster’s shoulders with your running commentary. Did you ever co-host MST3000?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    mjmiller “…the freezing colt of Ontario…”

    The Canadian horror story? (“The Freezing Colt of Ontario stalks the night! Don’t go ootside.”)

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Donnie</b. “@Modusoperandi: If I ever become famous enough to have a roast, I want you to be the “ides of march” chirping in comments to the crowd over the other roaster’s shoulders with your running commentary.”

    Plan ahead. I’m not eligible for parole until 2049.

  • Nathair

    It seems he is a Canadian living in Guelph, Ontario

    Perhaps he can explain why if someone allegedly tampered with his car it is not being investigated by the Guelph PD nor by the OPP but instead by the federal cops (who don’t even have a Guelph detachment.)

    Wingnut.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    I suspect the RCMP is a part of his story because a large percentage of Americans have at least a vague idea they exist, and have the typical cliché idea of strong silent types in red serge and Stetsons who “always get their man” floating around. Start talking about the OPP, let alone the Guelph cops, and their eyes would glaze over. Not to mention that being aided by Canada’s national police force means Garrow must be important.(Not that RCMP fanboyism will stop Garrow or any other WND crony from ranting about Obama wanting to start a US national police force being evil.)

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    The RCMP inclusion also gives his story an international flavor, implying that the authorities in Canada have reason to believe that someone like, say, Obama is involved. If it was just the Guelph cops and the OPP then it could just be the local bikers or Garrow’s unpaid crack dealer who are out to get him.

  • Lofty

    The Obama-tried-to-kill-me plot starts with Obama setting up the outsourcing of auto parts manufacture to China and other non-white countries. They use cheap rubber and insert mind controlling micro chips into everything. Blame the politician who allowed this tragedy to happen. Oh wait, it wasn’t Obama.