Donald Trump’s Fake Campaign

Donald Trump is once again pretending that he might run for public office (stop me if you’ve heard this one before), either governor of New York or the presidency. McKay Coppins of Buzzfeed got to tag along on one of his entirely fake pre-campaign swings, which went about as you’d predict:

Donald Trump is sitting in the passenger seat of a black SUV packed with four well-dressed yes-men — and me — as we wind through the snowy roads of Manchester, New Hampshire on a quiet Tuesday morning in January. He has just finished a series of speeches and interviews at the New Hampshire Institute of Politics designed to stoke speculation about his political ambitions. His most recent gambit has been to make noise about running for governor in New York, but none of the students, activists, and local politicos he just spent the morning glad-handling seemed interested — a fact he notes with a tinge of frustration as soon as we get in the car.

“They didn’t ask one question about running for governor,” Trump tells his aides, rubbing his hands together as the vehicle fills with the alcoholic scent of hand sanitizer. “They didn’t care.”

There is a tense moment of silence before the driver offers, “They probably think you’re already past that.”

Trump likes this theory. “That’s interesting,” he says, raising his voice so that everyone in the car can hear. “Did you hear what he said? He said they think I’m past that. I can’t tell you how many people have said that to me. They say, ‘What are you doing running for governor?’” He punctuates the last word with the sort of disgusted tone he might use if someone asked him to trade in his private plane for a Bolt Bus ticket. “It’s a good point.”

The notion that he is simply too big — too presidential — for a measly job in the Albany Statehouse has temporarily quelled his insecurity. But after this morning, Trump can no longer escape the fact that his political “career” — a long con that the blustery billionaire has perpetrated on the country for 25 years by repeatedly pretending to consider various runs for office, only to bail out after generating hundreds of headlines — finally appears to be on the brink of collapse.

The reason: Nobody seems to believe him anymore.

Nor should they. Trump is the female version of Sarah Palin, a publicity hound who has absolutely no intention of running for any office. That’s work, running for office. And it’s even more work actually doing the job if you get elected. Neither of them wants that. They want two things: fame and money. And that’s all they want. Everything else is just a sideshow designed to get those two things.

Let me coin Ed’s Law: Being on a reality TV show ends your political career. You can no longer be taken seriously after that.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    Did his handlers call in an exterminator to deal with that persistent orange rat that perches on his skull?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Let me coin Ed’s Law: Being on a reality TV show ends your political career.

    Tell that to president Honey Boo Boo!

  • cottonnero

    I don’t think Ed’s Law will hold for terribly long, then. We’ve already had an actor for president, and that was thirty years ago.

  • eric

    Trump is the female version of Sarah Palin

    Unless he’s hiding a secret sex change, I think you mean he’s the male version.

  • Infophile

    @4: A sex change isn’t necessary. It’s quite possible that Donald Trump is a closeted trans woman and Sarah Palin is a closeted trans man, Ed is privy to this knowledge, and Ed slipped up here.

    Not likely, mind you.

  • Trebuchet

    @4: Interesting slip, however!

  • jba55

    @3 cottonnero: Except the people on reality tv aren’t actors, they’re just regular schlubs looking for fame. Actors have at least been practicing being politicians for their whole career.

  • Nick Gotts

    either governor of New York or the presidency

    Why not both? A supergenius like Trump is well capable of filling both posts at once, while continuing to run his business empire, and winning a hatful of Nobel prizes!

  • Michael Heath

    Ed writes:

    Trump is the female version of Sarah Palin, a publicity hound who has absolutely no intention of running for any office. That’s work, running for office. And it’s even more work actually doing the job if you get elected. Neither of them wants that. They want two things: fame and money. And that’s all they want. Everything else is just a sideshow designed to get those two things.

    I don’t think this list is complete. I think they also both want to be venerated. I think they’re both continuously frustrated that many people’s criticism strikes bone. They feel privileged and can’t understand, are too stupid to understand, how people are able to cogently criticize them.

    I also think Sarah Palin desires great power. But she wants on it on her lazy-ass terms, where she can coast through a campaign and elective office. So she has and continues to scheme. It’s those damn liberals and the “lame-stream media” who keep criticizing in a way that doesn’t allow that to happen. Of course this desired avenue is both delusional and idiotic since she still couldn’t coast through a campaign and a presidency even if she weren’t a target, but those two attributes have long defined Ms. Palin. I do think she could coast as a U.S. Senator, as many have. So I think she’s trying to figure out how to run for the U.S. Senate.

  • alexmcdonald

    He damn well nearly ran Scotland. Fortunately, we’re building wind turbines next to his golf course, so he’s gone off to buy Ireland instead. Where they’re getting ready to shove a wind turbine up his a$$ too.

    http://news.stv.tv/north/264287-donald-trump-faces-fresh-wind-farm-battle-near-new-irish-golf-club/

  • vmanis1

    Remember those two private investigators he sent to Hawai`i to investigate Obama’s birth certificate? Has anything ever been heard from them? Enquiring minds need to know.

  • dhall

    #10 – alexmcdonald – I followed Trump’s adventures in Scotland regarding his golf course and battles with neighbors and environmentalists there, as well as the government and wind power plans. It’s been almost comical the way he just assumed he could bully a nation into doing what he wanted, especially, dare I say, the Scots. I say almost comical because it was also disgusting. His arrogance and loud idiocy were truly on display–I encourage anyone interested in reading how the whole Scottish mess played out to go to the BBC website and search through past articles. Trump’s attempt to bully and coerce one of the local landowners to sell, and the man’s utter refusal, make for quite a story. The fool is practically a parody of the loud-mouthed, nasty American plutocrat.

  • Numenaster

    Trump knows, correctly, that everyone has a price, but he doesn’t seem to be capable of understanding that for some people the price is respect. He thinks everyone is like him and can be bought solely for cash.