Mark Creech’s Friend is Going to Beat Us Up Soon

Rev. Mark Creech lends his obnoxious voice to the loud chorus of people telling us that their imaginary friend is going to do terrible things to the country if we don’t give up this silly idea that gay people are human beings with equal rights. But he starts with this:

In an irony of ironies, during the week of Valentine’s, two federal judges overturned the marriage protection amendments of Kentucky and Virginia, single-handedly redefining romance and marriage.

Wha? Irony of ironies? Must be something you experience in your “heart of hearts.” Whatever the hell that is.

Such court decisions are certainly a sign of the times – a sign that we are heading for an impending judgment. This matter burdens my heart greatly nearly every day, sometimes with tears.

John Phillips, the great preacher and Bible commentator once said concerning the story of Sodom’s celebration of homosexuality and its ultimate destruction, the first sign of the imminence of God’s judgment is a judicial blindness – an inability to make right moral judgment. Citing in Genesis chapter 19 how the angelic visitors struck the perverse mob pressing on Lot’s door with blindness, Phillips writes:

“‘Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad,’ said one of the ancient philosophers Not so! Whom God would destroy, He first makes blind. There comes a point in the rising tide of human wickedness, where God acts. In preparation [for His judgment] He blinds. The process takes various forms; in Pharaoh’s case, God hardened his heart; in a coming day He will send a strong delusion so that they will believe ‘the lie.’ It is a dangerous thing to transgress with arrogance and persistence the laws of God.”

Seriously, how many times have we heard this? It always reminds me of the parody about kissing Hank’s ass. They just keep telling us that their friend is going to show up any minute now and kick our ass if we don’t stop doing things he doesn’t like. Is that really supposed to frighten us?

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  • peterh

    Creech has some heavy-duty stupid there.

  • doublereed

    Irony of ironies? Does that mean something that is not ironic?

    Maybe it’s like the Alanis Morissette song?

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Yeah, the wonderful story of Sodom and Gomorrah, where Lot, the “righteous man,” offers to let his neighbours rape his daughters instead of the male visitors.

  • rabbitscribe

    “John Phillips, the great preacher and Bible commentator once said concerning the story of Sodom’s celebration of homosexuality and its ultimate destruction…”

    As God’s holy and inerrant word the Bible makes clear, the Lord righteously destroyed Sodom for her iniquitous failure to redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor:

    “Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it.” (Ezekiel 16:49-50; NASB)

    If we fail to elect liberal Democrats across the board in coming years, we will share the fate of Sodom. America, you have been warned!

  • borax

    “Marriage protection amendments”, Oh, for fucks sakes. The stupid is strong with this one.

  • Dexeron

    “‘Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad”

    OOH! Does it involve a rehabilitation chair, an Orion girl, and Queen to Queen’s-Level Three?

  • petemoulton

    Just more xian hatred. I do wonder if those clowns will ever run out of people to despise…

  • raven

    It would be more credible if Creech’s imaginary friend threatened us himself.

    For all their claims that the xian god is all powerful, he doesn’t seem able to do what a cat or toddler can do, i.e. communicate.

  • http://heb712.blogspot.com heddle

    rabbitscribe,

    “Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it.” (Ezekiel 16:49-50; NASB)

    If we fail to elect liberal Democrats across the board in coming years, we will share the fate of Sodom. America, you have been warned!

    Perfect response.

  • Mr Ed

    timgueguen #3 A very weird story to pick when you are talking about morality. I think the moral is house guests are under your protection but not daughters.

    I know fallen angels are known to manipulate men with sex. If two angels show up and every male goes into rut it might have more to do with gods messengers and less to do with the moral failing of the town.

  • raven

    Just more xian hatred. I do wonder if those clowns will ever run out of people to despise…

    Naw. It’s the basis of their religion.

    No hate = No fundie xianity

    It’s a main theme in the bible. Hate the Egyptians, Canaanites, Assyrians, Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Babylonians, Greeks, and Romans. Finally in the NT, hate the Jews. What goes around, comes around.

    It’s just tribalism, happens a lot with humans.

  • eric

    Whom God would destroy, He first makes blind. There comes a point in the rising tide of human wickedness, where God acts. In preparation [for His judgment] He blinds.

    Which is class-A asshole behavior. This sort of response is directly, morally, evil. If someone is doing something bad and you want them to stop, you don’t give them less reasons to stop, you give them more.

  • davedell

    Kissing Hank’s Ass. Beautiful. It ranks right up there with ‘Show Me the Sausages’.

    http://answersingenes.blogspot.com/2011/06/show-me-sausages.html

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Again? This is worse than the time He struck America with Civil War after Lincoln said he’d redefine Traditional Property and make us give up our black people.

  • raven

    wikinews:

    At this time, 17 countries allow same-sex marriage, the most recent being Scotland. … and parts of Mexico that have legalized same-sex marriage.

    On the bright side, 17 countries allow same-sex marriage. These are all xian and mostly First World.

    There is a line of countries that god has to work through first.

    On the downside, when god is done destroying the, at least nominally xian nations, the nonXian majority of the world will be left. God’s True Religion will be collateral damage but it doesn’t seem like he cares. Or maybe god just hates xians.

  • greg1466

    Such court decisions are certainly a sign of the times – a sign that we are heading for an impending judgment.

    News flash. The judgement has already begun. We’ve judged that we’re tired of bigots legislating their bigotry.

  • jnorris

    Rev Creech needs to read Mark 6 and Matthew 10 wherein Jesus compared the sin of Sodom and Gomorrha with inhospitality.

    I also believe Rev Creech should be wary of his blindness to reality.

  • John Pieret

    In an irony of ironies, during the week of Valentine’s, two federal judges overturned the marriage protection amendments of Kentucky and Virginia, single-handedly redefining romance and marriage.

    Um … which of these amendments defined romance? Neither said, AFAIK, a single word about who you could woo or how.

    Oh, excuse me … he’s a wingnut and words have no meaning to them.

  • matty1

    Irony of ironies? Must be something you experience in your “heart of hearts.”

    I would explain but I feel queasy in my stomach of stomachs.

  • eric

    Neither said, AFAIK, a single word about who you could woo or how.

    Don’t you understand? Now when you go to the Hallmark store to buy cards, the little tiny label above the valentine’s or birthday card with the studly shirtless man on it will say “For him” instead of “For her.” Now you know we all feel such a strong social pressure to obey those labels that this will practically compel some people to buy such cards for their male friends and companions. [Its like shopping in the woman’s section for a shirt if you’re a man – it could be the exact same t-shirt, and you still feel wrong going against social convention.

    Just like that, try and buy a card ‘against lable’ – it’ll make you feel wrong.] Meaning we hetero men will soon be receiving cards with studly men on them instead of sexy women on them.

    Oh, the humanity!!!!!

  • dingojack

    So Revenant Mark Screech’s imagining of his imaginary BFF’s actions are, more or less, equivalent to Basil Fawlty impotently* shaking his fist at some (innocent) topiary?

    Oooh, I’m quaking in the boot of my boots.

    Dingo

    ——–

    * and passive-aggressively

  • http://Reallyawakeguy.blogspot.com somnus

    Ah, the good ol’ Sodom story as an argument against homosexuality. Although, really, it seemed on reading more like a story against rape mobs.

    Though I’m beginning to wonder if fundies even understand that there’s a difference between “gay people,” and “rape mobs.”

  • a miasma of incandescent plasma

    … the first sign of the imminence of God’s judgment is a judicial blindness – an inability to make right moral judgment. Citing in Genesis chapter 19 how the angelic visitors struck the perverse mob pressing on Lot’s door with blindness, Phillips writes:

    “… The process takes various forms; in Pharaoh’s case, God hardened his heart; in a coming day He will send a strong delusion so that they will believe ‘the lie.’

    See?! God’s plan is perfect and wonderful and so-not-full-of-logical-holes it makes one weepy in their eye of eyes at just the sight!

    Step 1: God determines he’ll judge you for being bad

    Step 2: God “hardens” your heart so you don’t know right from wrong (because fuck free will that’s why)

    Step 3: God now can judge you for doing wrong in step 2

  • Michael Heath

    Ezekiel 16:49-50 [NASB] as cited by rabbitscribe:

    Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it.”

    rabbscribe responds:

    If we fail to elect liberal Democrats across the board in coming years, we will share the fate of Sodom. America, you have been warned!

    heddle responds:

    Perfect response.

    My primary objection to conservative Christians regarding biblical passages on our obligation to take care of others in greater need is the following.

    They don’t demonstrate any credible concern at identifying the root causes of such suffering and taking actions that eradicate or at least minimize bad results. Instead I witness a ton of smug self-satisifed admonitions on how they or their church have taken certain actions. Actions which fail to even come close to containing so much suffering, let alone seek to credibly understand the cause of such suffering and energetically act in a manner that improves results.

    What’s the largest voting base in the U.S. who oppose government policies we empirically understand will significantly reduce the suffering of the least fortunate? Far more effectively than the functions some churches exercise? From my perspective it’s conservative Christians, with no close seconds. Where they’re successful at limiting such initiatives, to the point they remain the sole impediment to making actual progress on poverty.

    So while the Bible has many laudable passages that are relatively clear on our obligations towards others, these passages were written long before people understood how to think systemically and precisely articulate an objective. This weakness has enabled conservative Christians to go through the motions as mere posers, while steadfastly and effectively impeding a commitment to the: poor, to children, to widows, and to the “least among us”.

  • vmanis1

    As I understand it, until about the beginning of the Common Era, the Sin of Sodom was considered to be inhospitability to guests (the rape-the-daughter bit may have come from a near-identical story in Judges). It was only as Hellenic culture turned resolutely anti-sexual that Jewish (and Christian) writers started throwing in vaguely-stated accusations of sexual immorality. Jesus’s reference to Sodom follows the tradition of the time.

  • leonardschneider

    (*sigh*) Yes, because a smallish percentage of one species on one planet in one solar system out of thousands of solar systems in one galaxy out of countless galaxies out of the entire constantly expanding universe (*gasp*) will inexplicably make God mad and he’ll… Ummm…. Oh, there it is, blind and destroy. Yeah. At least according to a text written thousands of years ago by a semi-nomadic tribe, who claimed that they — not anyone else, just them — were privy to what God had to say.

    Yep, yep. I’ll pencil that one in.

    Sorry, Creech. I talked to God yesterday — no, really, I did: why should it only be the jackoffs with big hair and TV shows that get to talk to God? — and He said for you to shut the fuck up.

    He was kind of pissed off. First off, I had to remind Him what planet I was talking about. Also, He’s got this big project he’s working on 3,692,446,000 galaxies over and didn’t want to be interrupted. Something about “bipeds capable of achieving sexual climax by getting a decent haircut. The right style would cause an orgasm that lasts for days.”* Anyway, He said for you, Fischer, Robertson, and “all those other creeps obsessed with my kid getting killed” really, honestly need to just shut the fuck up. He doesn’t care who falls in love with who, or even who fucks who: as long as no one’s getting hurt, hey, it’s deuces with him.

    Oh, He did say there’s one thing He does miss about this planet: Skoal. Yes, the Lord likes Himself a good dip. I asked him why, being all-powerful and shit, he didn’t just make it himself. He shook His head and muttered, “Dude, it’s just not the same. I never get the can right,” and faded away.

    *He’s thought this through. Apparently pornography would simply consist of pictures and video of scissors, combs, clippers, and people wearing those long apron/bib things.

  • dcsohl

    In preparation [for His judgment] He blinds. The process takes various forms; in Pharaoh’s case, God hardened his heart

    So let me get this straight… He uses his mind-control ability to make you do the wrong thing, and then he punishes you for doing the wrong thing. He’s kind of an ass, eh?