Bryan Fischer’s Cri de Coeur

One of the few phrases I remember from two years of high school French is cri de coeur, literally “cry of the heart” but more colloquially a passionate outcry or protest. Bryan Fischer delivered one recently in the most lurid terms imaginable about his fight to the death with Big Gay.

Asserting that America’s future will be determined by “whether the forces of light or darkness will prevail in the battle over special rights based on sexually deviant behavior,” Fischer asserted that “everywhere that Big Gay gains ground, Christ is forced into retreat.”

As such, everything hinges on this battle and if the “forces of sexual normalcy” win, then America will once again become a beacon of morality and decency for the entire world. But, Fischer warned, “if the forces of sexual deviancy prevail … every part of our culture will be corrupted, it will be contaminated beyond repair and America … will plunge the world into a moral abyss of darkness and depravity.”

Which is a whole lot of hyperbolic verbiage to say “some people will be allowed to do things I disapprove of that have nothing to do with me and I’m not allowed to punish them for it.” Poor Bryan Fischer. It must be so difficult to be him.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360322113 aaronbaker

    Here’s my cri de coeur: Fuck you, Bryan Fischer!”

  • Larry

    To co-opt a line from The Godfather II: Big Gay, they’re bigger than US Steel.

    Granted, that line doesn’t have as much impact today as it did in the 50’s but still…

  • iknklast

    So we’re supposed to follow sexual normalcy? That won’t fit well with the vision of the Catholic Church. Human sexual normalcy is a fluid thing. Lots of different things can be called “normal”. What he means is he wants us to follow the sexually deviant policies of his preferred church.

  • Chiroptera

    …the “forces of sexual normalcy”….

    Ugh. Doesn’t that involve the woman being flat on her back thinking of England?

  • Trebuchet

    To bad God’s not omnipotent so he could do something about it. What? He is?

  • sh3baproject

    big gay? you mean bigmacs?

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    My fundie brother asserts that gay people are no more than 1 percent of the population.

    While the 1 percent who control half the world’s wealth are benevolent “job creators” who have to pollute our environment, bring down wages to Third World levels and bend lawmakers — who work to allow more pollution, wage warfare and corruption — to their will in order to work their marketplace magic for the good of all, the 1 percent* who are gay can bring about Armageddon merely by wanting to be treated as normal people who are not killed, jailed or discriminated against. And when they don’t get their way they have the means to cause tornadoes and hurricanes and other natural disasters to strike (mostly) Christian populations.

    * Assuming for the sake of argument that my brother’s dubious claim is true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    “every part of our culture will be corrupted, it will be contaminated beyond repair and America … will plunge the world into a moral abyss of darkness and depravity.”

    It’s always weird the way these characters conflate America with the world. If the US doesn’t hate gays enough, the whole world will plunge into darkness and depravity!

  • matty1

    “Big Gay gains ground, Christ is forced into retreat.”

    You have to admit that was a pretty cool wrestling match.

  • reasonbe

    It’s difficult to be BF, and it’s also difficult to read about his sorry ass and disgusting spew of hate and self-righteousness.

    I’m calmer now.

  • Michael Heath

    Bryan Fischer writes:

    “everywhere that Big Gay gains ground, Christ is forced into retreat.

    Fischer imagines an incredibly impotent god.

  • dugglebogey

    Southern christians said exactly the same things during the civil rights movement.

    Can’t we just skip to the part where these assholes pretend that they were in favor of equal rights the whole time?

  • Moon Jaguar

    Did God plunge Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, France, Iceland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, Sweden and Uruguay into an abyss of darkness/depravity when they legalized same-sex marriage? Or did the lame-stream media just fail to report it?

  • vmanis1

    Well, shortly after recognizing marriage equality nationally, Canada was plunged into a hell of Conservative government that it has still not escaped from.

    Just saying.

    In case it’s not obvious, </snark>.

  • infraredeyes

    @13, It doesn’t matter what those other countries do. God only cares about the US because…American exceptionalism…City on the Hill…or something. Other countries don’t count.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It’s about damn time. I’ve been waitingfor the world to be plunged into a moral abyss of darkness and depravity.

     

    iknklast “Human sexual normalcy is a fluid thing.”

    Well, yes, fluids are involved, but I fail to see why you focus on that while ignoring the spooning afterward.

     

    fifthdentist “…dubious claim…”

    Also the name of an Ayn Rand character. True story.

     

    Moon Jaguar “Did God plunge Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, France, Iceland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, Sweden and Uruguay into an abyss of darkness/depravity when they legalized same-sex marriage?”

    No. As not-America, they were already pre-depraved.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    America will once again become a beacon of morality and decency for the entire world.

    Again? When was the first time?

    Did God plunge… Canada… into an abyss of darkness/depravity when they legalized same-sex marriage?

    Have you seen the tarsands?

  • dingojack

    Tabby – when was American a beacon of moral purity? Earlier than 20,000 years ago?

    As for the hell of Canada: need anyone go further than Celine Dion and Justin Bieber? I rest my case.

    Dingo

  • scienceavenger

    everywhere that Big Gay gains ground, Christ is forced into retreat

    Oh?

    Mark 14:51:

    “And there followed [Jesus] a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body”

    Sounds like Christ might meet Big Gay with open arms.

  • Taz

    Christ is forced into retreat

    Maybe he should try to get some sort of powerful being on his side, like Thor or Vladimir Putin.

  • Synfandel

    Moon Jaguar: “Did God plunge Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada,…into an abyss of darkness/depravity when they legalized same-sex marriage?”

    After Canada recognized same-sex marriages, the Toronto Maple Leafs failed to reach the playoffs even unto the seventh season. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

    dingojack: “…need anyone go further than Celine Dion and Justin Bieber?”

    While they did emerge from the “hell of Canada,” they were inflicted upon ‘America’. God’s wrath is terrible to behold.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=730511544 billdaniels

    Synfandel: I think you meant, “There was much whaling and smashing of teeth.

  • zmidponk

    dugglebogey:

    Southern christians said exactly the same things during the civil rights movement.

    Can’t we just skip to the part where these assholes pretend that they were in favor of equal rights the whole time?

    I would actually prefer we skip to a part where they, en masse, put up their hands and said, ‘OK, you know what? We were utterly wrong on this. We are terribly, terribly sorry and we will now help you get the rights you deserve, and we have been opposing this whole time.’ Of course, that will probably be the day after the 101st Porcine Squadron hold their aerobatics display.

  • Nick Gotts

    Ugh. Doesn’t that involve the woman being flat on her back thinking of England? – Chiroptera

    No; according to a directive from Brussels, she now has to think of the European Union. This outrageous dictat is the main cause of UKIP.

  • D. C. Sessions

    I would actually prefer we skip to a part where they, en masse, put up their hands and said, ‘OK, you know what? We were utterly wrong on this. We are terribly, terribly sorry and we will now help you get the rights you deserve, and we have been opposing this whole time.’ Of course, that will probably be the day after the 101st Porcine Squadron hold their aerobatics display.

    I’m good with that as an endpoint, but (since I don’t believe in magic [1]) I’m looking forward to the intermediate steps where they not only beat this dead horse but commit other unspeakable acts on its rotting corpse, with huge expenditures of both cash and political capital in making sure that there is no doubt in any American’s mind that Christianity, the Republican Party, sexual bigotry, and denial of women’s right are completely inseparable.

    [1] Defined by John Campbell as “product without process.”

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    When I think of noise coming from Bryan Fissure, I think more, “Cri du cur”, “Cri trou du cul” or, maybe, “Cri du merde”

  • leonardschneider

    “… everything hinges on this battle and if the “forces of sexual normalcy” win, then America will once again…” blah blah blah.

    Translation:

    “I haven’t had even the most boring straightforward fuck in so long I’m not sure I remember how it works, and I haven’t gotten my freak on in what feels like centuries. I’ve seen every single rental video the local porn shop has to offer, including that boring ‘female-friendly‘ crap.

    “Thus I am bloated with anger and hatred for anyone having more fun than me, which, as near as I can tell, is the rest of the species. You all get to enjoy yourselves, and it makes me sick. I bet your wives will let you put in their mouths, don’t they? Don’t they?

    “To this point, I have declared myself to be the litmus of sexual normalcy: none at all. If you are engaging in sexual activity for enjoyment, even if you are aiming to reproduce, you are an offense to God, and all that is good and pure in the world, because I said so.

    “You! With your giggling and coitus and oral sex and spankings and anal play achieving orgasm and cuddling… You are dragging America into a cesspool of depravity! Every time you come, you drive Jesus further from this country, forcing Him into Mexico, and after that, Guatemala! America will cry out, “Where is Jesus? Where is our savior?” Jesus has abandoned you, America, and is stuck in line at the Customs shed at the border of Belize.

    “Every handjob brings Satan closer, every act of cunnilingus draws America further into the pit of darkness. If I can’t come, then none of you can come either, not without dooming America to rule by the Dark one! You’re all going to hell!! Ya hear me!?

    “Oh, and by the way, it’s all the fault of women. Especially that bitch Sally Harmon, who wouldn’t even blow me on prom night.”

  • DaveL

    Tabby – when was American a beacon of moral purity?

    You have to understand, when Brian Fischer calls something a “beacon of moral purity”, he means in the sense of Uganda or Russia, as opposed to those depraved pits of darkness like the Netherlands or New Zealand.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    @27:

    I’m a mathophobe but. based purely on personal experience and the admonition I used to get from Jesus’ General (may his name be blessed) that every time someone masturbates, a kitten dies, felis catus should be extinct.

  • leonardschneider

    @ democommie (29):

    So what, if anything, dies from a blowjob?

    Or does the creature start reflexively spitting and yelling, “You son of a bitch! You said you wouldn’t do that!”

  • eric

    You have to admit that was a pretty cool wrestling match.

    I was thinking Sumo. Which would explain why a thin reed like Jesus would lose a lot of ground.

    America … will plunge the world into a moral abyss of darkness and depravity.”

    Not sure about the darkness, but I’m pretty sure we passed the depravity event horizon a few years back. [Cough internet porn Cough].

  • leonardschneider

    “I was thinking Sumo. Which would explain why a thin reed like Jesus would lose a lot of ground.”

    Nah. Jesus wasn’t skinny. I’ve covered this before, but Jesus was a carpenter a couple millennia before either the DeWalt or Mikita corporations existed, which meant doing everything by hand. He’d have actually been pretty goddamn buffed.

    Like when he ran the moneychangers out of the temple. It wasn’t “Jesus and his crew,” it was just him, alone… Which tells me he was a big enough sumbitch to get a whole lotta dudes saying, “Shit no, I ain’t going up against him!”

    Now if we could get the artists to do something about his skin tone and his eye color. Oh, and the fuckin’ hippie hair they show him with. Um, devout Jews did not let their hair grow long. He’d have hacked it off with a knife before he let it get to his shoulders. In short, Jesus didn’t look like the singer from the Spin Doctors.