NRA: Everything is Horrible!

Wayne LaPierre of the National Rifle Association was a speaker at CPAC, as he usually is, and he presented a nightmarish, dystopic vision of life in America, where we must all apparently cower in fear while barricaded in our heavily fortified and armed homes.

“In the world that surrounds us,” he proclaimed, “there are terrorists, and there are home-invaders, drug cartels, car-jackers, knockout-gamers, and rapers, and haters, and campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country with massive storms of violence against our power grids or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all.”

“Do you trust this government to protect you?” LaPierre asked the crowd, which responded with a resounding “no!”

“We are on our own. That is a certainty.”

Gosh, you would never know that violent crime in America has been dropping steadily and is now less than half the rates from 40 years ago. But LaPierre knows what his job is and his job is to be the marketing wing for the gun industry. His job is to sell fear to the public, fear of other people and of the government seizing our guns, which has apparently been right on the verge of happening for the last 50 years.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • eric

    Their position is getting positively religious, with the gun becoming their tiger-repelling fetish. We got one, and hey, no tigers! It must work!

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    “massive storms of violence against our power grids or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all.”

    And of course your hand gun will well protect you against those.=!

  • matty1

    How are handguns going to protect against disease or chemical weapons?

  • Jordan Genso

    …there are terrorists, and there are home-invaders, drug cartels, car-jackers, knockout-gamers, and rapers, and haters, and campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme…

    We need guns to protect ourselves from the haters?

    Also, because of its juxtaposition, I accidentally read the one before it as “rappers”, which really had me confused for a moment.

  • coragyps

    Didn’t all the handguns already get rounded up by FEMA stormtroopers in 2009? I sure thought that was on the schedule.

  • jameshanley

    richardelguru and matty1,

    The argument is that you’ll need them in the aftermath of the resulting social collapse, which while improbable is not impossible.

  • brucegee1962

    The argument is that you’ll need them in the aftermath of the resulting social collapse, which while improbable is not impossible.

    That should be the “eagerly anticipated” social collapse.

    When these people spend literally tens of thousands of dollars getting ready for the end of society, you just know they’re going to be disappointed when it doesn’t show up. That scares me a little. Actually, it scares me a lot.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    James, I get that, but if the quote is accurate, that’s not hwat he’s saying.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    “hwat” ??

    Wow, I have been reading too much Old English

  • dingojack

    Nice to see the NRA are worried about people out to kill airports and malls*.

    Dingo

    ——–

    * I didn’t know they were sentient , silly old Dingo. Just lucky the nice frog-footman from the NRA was there to set me straight.

  • Mr Ed

    Can we be sure he didn’t get carried away singing Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant?

    Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father Rapers!

  • carlie

    And yet, these are the same guys who think that women behaving cautiously (as in Schroedinger’s rapist) are over-the-top paranoid.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    How are handguns going to protect against disease or chemical weapons?

    When the pain becomes unbearable, you can shoot yourself.

  • dingojack

    Sounds like the Freaky Frog needs to get some help to really scare the rubes:

    Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?

    Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.

    [Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]

    Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.

    Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?

    😉 Dingo

  • Wylann

    Whoah……Methodists? That really is extreme!

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    Coragyps@5:

    Didn’t all the handguns already get rounded up by FEMA stormtroopers in 2009? I sure thought that was on the schedule.

    Ah, but Wayne already had that covered, remember? Obama was just luring us into a false sense of security and waiting until his second term to seize our guns. Which he will. As soon as he gets around to it. Any day now. Yup. So be afraid!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “In the world that surrounds us,” he proclaimed, “there are terrorists, and there are home-invaders, drug cartels, car-jackers, knockout-gamers, and rapers, and haters, and campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country with massive storms of violence against our power grids or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all.”

    “Further,” he went on, “let’s ensure the the governnment in no way can inhibit out ability to sell guns to the terrorists, home-invaders, drug cartels, car-jackers, knockout-gamers, rapers, haters, campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country with massive storms of violence against our power grids or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all. For Freedom.”

  • Alverant

    And just this morning I read an article on RawStory about a cop who “accidentally” shot his pregnant wife in the head, killing her, while he was cleaning his gun. He said he didn’t know it was loaded. These are the kind of people who are NRA members.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    He left “gun nuts” off his list.

  • dingojack

    Was this cop a member of the Oscar Pistorius fan-club?

    Dingo

  • freehand

    jameshanley: The argument is that you’ll need [firearms] in the aftermath of the resulting social collapse, which while improbable is not impossible.

    .

    Why am I not reassured knowing that so many of my neighbors will be armed with firearms when global warming and its effects (possibly) bring about a fairly rapid collapse? These will be mostly folks who, if secular, will believe that liberals and scientists brought about climate change to get rich off of carbon taxes, or if religious, that liberals brought down God’s wrath* because we weren’t mean enough to the ghey.

    .

    * “And where is Jesus, anyway? Wasn’t he supposed to take us off this heathen hellhole of a planet by now?” – Hallelujah Jones, 2138

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    It’s amazing how frequently guns kill and hurt people when being cleaned, when dropped, or when they just “go off”.

    LaPierre should really have a talk with the gun manufacturers about that.

  • anubisprime

    Wylann @ 15

    Whoah……Methodists? That really is extreme!

    Nah!.. about par…and time !

    Do not reckon it is a nightmarish scenario either…Seems to be their fervent and ultimate wet dream !

    Why buy a gun and expect someone else to shoot them gheys ‘n’ atheists ‘n’ scary forriners’…

  • Taz

    vicious waves of chemicals

    Energy companies?

  • Synfandel

    Mr Ed: “Can we be sure he didn’t get carried away singing Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant?”

    Thanks for the ear worm. It’s coming around again on the GUI-tar.

  • dugglebogey

    GOP in a nutshell “America is the greatest country on earth, and everything about is terrible and getting worse by the minute!”

  • Larry

    Wayne, in your litany of evil, you forgot lone black teenagers wearing hoodies out to buy some Skittles candy.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Whoah……Methodists? That really is extreme!

    Not when you consider that they were the main agitators against beverage alcohol.

  • Georgia Sam

    Gun nuts portray themselves as big, strong, steely-eyed, & fearless, but LaPierre’s comments reveal what they’re really like: frightened and hiding behind their guns, like children hiding behind their mommies’ skirts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000263140906 Donovan

    “In the world that surrounds us,” he proclaimed, “there are terrorists, and there are home-invaders, drug cartels, car-jackers, knockout-gamers, and rapers, and haters, and campus killers, airport killers, shopping mall killers, and killers who scheme to destroy our country with massive storms of violence against our power grids or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse our society that sustains us all.”

    And all of these people need guns. Guns that you fine, wealthy, generous gentlemen donors produce and sell. And the chaos will increase sales as… Wait…. CPAC? Damn it. Wrong speech. Sorry. Ahem, yes… Okay. And you need to buy guns from the humble, small business gun makers.