Beck Doesn’t Like the Noah Movie

Glenn Beck is upset about the new Noah movie, saying that it was made for the purpose of undermining the “true” Noah story in “that old dusty Bible.” It is “dangerous disinformation,” he says. Unlike the Bible, of course, which teaches this incredible story of global genocide.

"That was my thought as well.5. Trump fires Mueller.(Or tries to. Given his behavioral problems, ..."

Looks Like Flynn Has Flipped on ..."
"Just maybe he's hoping some of that purity will rub off on him? Yes, sarcasm ..."

Pastor: Moore Liked Young Girls Because ..."
"Flynn didn't flip. The MCP sucked him in to the ENCOM mainframe!"

Looks Like Flynn Has Flipped on ..."
"I hear they got trapped on the up escalator. No matter how fast they run, ..."

Looks Like Flynn Has Flipped on ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Alverant

    You know what the Noah movie needs, a scene with a mother trying desperately to keep her newborn baby’s head above water and begging God to save them and asking what she and her child did that was so wrong. And just to twist the dagger a bit more, make them both white and have the baby be a boy since that’s all people like Beck seem to care about.

  • Kevin Kehres

    I fail to see why the story of the drowning of every little kitten and puppy, and unborn child (ABORTION!) on the planet is considered to be a demonstration of god’s love because rainbows.

  • doublereed

    Honestly, I have no idea how Hollywood thought Noah tells a good story. It’s a terrible story from almost every angle. It’s one of the dumber stories of the bible. Even the genocidal aspect to it is rather odd and boring because God is a “good guy.” If it was told as God being the evil guy then it might be interesting.

    I guess the reason Christians love the Noah story is because it’s apocalyptic and Christianity is a doom cult.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    it was made for the purpose of undermining the “true” Noah story

    The Gilgamesh one? That one?

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    I hear that, as a child, he did not care for Bill Cosby’s Noah routine.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Honestly, I have no idea how Hollywood thought Noah tells a good story

    Oh, come on! The scene where Noah flies his ship up inside god’s ship and uploads the virus before he blows it all apart from inside – that’s pretty good.

    Wait, that was “independence day” wasn’t it? I get my stupid “man fights alien monster” movies confused.

  • http://anexerciseinfutility.blogspot.com tommykey

    Bill Maher did a good bit on this movie in the New Rules segment of his most recent Real Time episode. Speaking of god, he said “You know it’s bad when you’re in a movie with Russell Crowe and your the one with anger issues.”

  • eric

    I admit that Beck not liking something is a pretty strong endorsement for it…but I’m still not going to see it.

  • raven

    Not only is it the heartwarming story when god invents genocide and kills almost everyone, it was a near total failure.

    Noah was supposed to save all the animals and didn’t do it. We now know that 99% of all life that ever existed is extinct, including all the nonavian dinosaurs. We miss the dinosaurs. God had to go with his Plan B, sending himself down as jesus to save us from himself. That didn’t work either. Plan C is a lot like Plan A except 7 billion people and the earth get destroyed Any Day Now.

    Not only is the OT god a monster, he is an incompetent one.

  • Michael Heath

    doublereed writes:

    Honestly, I have no idea how Hollywood thought Noah tells a good story.

    They may agree with you. The TV-broadcast trailers I’ve seen were marketing cool special effects. Perhaps a transformer will show up at the end, controlled by Job, and smite God. Oh, that’s my screenplay.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Not only is the OT god a monster, he is an incompetent one.

    I know! He couldn’t even decide if light is a particle or a wave, and look at all the headaches that’s caused!

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    @Marcus Ranum #4 – Actually, the oldest known version of the story (from the Middle East, at least) is The Epic of Atra-Hasis.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Gee – $125,000,000 just washed away, as if it never had been.

    I do hope that Emma Watson’s career survives this, anyhow.

  • doublereed

    Honestly, the focus on special effects is fine. But in this case I think it’ll just result in a major flop for the company. Anyone who knows the Noah story knows that it’s not an interesting story.

    The only fun thing about the story is the visual of shuffling pairs of animals onto a big boat. That’s what people like about the story. That’s what people come for. You don’t need 2+ hours to get that.

    And certainly nobody cares anything about Noah.

  • Menyambal

    I don’t understand why the Flood is even in the Bible, anyhow. It contradicts the “God so loved the world” bit, it practically puts an end to the inherited-sin-of-Adam thing, and it really doesn’t get much mention in the rest of the Bible. It’s scary popular with the hateful Christians, and they pass it off as a happy children’s story.

    Looked at sanely, it’s an inserted version of a popular myth from the area, that makes no practical sense and that explains nothing. And that’s true from a literary sense and a scientific sense. Clip it out of the Bible, drop it from Creationism, and a lot of troubles are ended.

  • Akira MacKenzie

    theschwa @ 5

    How long can Glen Beck tread water? HA! HA! HA! HA!

  • Chiroptera

    If Russell Crowe makes Noah come off like Klaus Kinski’s character from Aguirre: The Wrath of God, then the movie might be worth seeing.

  • d cwilson

    The entire rightwing reaction to the Noah movie has been, “This piece of fiction doesn’t match up with the piece of fiction in our book!” Honestly, they’re bigger whiners than Tolkien fans.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    Local radio station (the least objectionable one I can get on the crystal set) had a bit this morning about a local man who’s gone to UnHolywood to become an actor, director, writer (busperson?). He said that they should NOT go to the movie as there is no mention of GOD in the film; of course they agreed with him, fucking idiots.

    I think it would have been a lot of fun to have been Noah’s neighbor and shut the whole fucking thing down with a “Stop work” order by complaining to the ZBA that Noah was running a shipyard at his house.

    @18:

    Your comment puts me in mind of the argument between these two:

    http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Argument+about+Superman+v+Mighty+Mouse+from+%22Stand+by+me%22&FORM=VIRE3#view=detail&mid=34079D24E6E83741BD3034079D24E6E83741BD30

  • typecaster

    @13 – Actually, I consider this movie to be somewhat miraculous, in that they made a film that Emma Watson is in that I won’t watch.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    they made a film that Emma Watson

    Maybe someone will clip out only those sections and make them available on youtube.

  • eric

    @10 – yeah, the trailers i’ve seen make it look like Gladiator II: now with bonus magic. I don’t predict a Transformer, but I do predict the fertile crescent stone age is going to look a lot like the western european iron age. “Nice sword you got there, Noah. Its only 3,000 years historically innacurate.”

  • hexidecima

    marcus has it right, does Beck want the original story? :)

    It seems notable that there doesn’t seem to be a single child in any scene in the movie trailers.

    from the movie website “The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.”

    Ah, those great values of genocide and stupidity of a supposedly omnipotent and omniscient god.

  • marcus

    d cwilson @ 18 “The entire rightwing reaction to the Noah movie has been, ‘This piece of fiction doesn’t match up with the piece of fiction in our book!'”

    Fictional accuracy? Those people can’t handle fictional accuracy!

    Act II Scene 3:

    “Old crippled grandma holds terrified little baby girl up as high as she can, the swirling waters close over her head, as she begins to drown, finally as she succumbs she drops baby. Baby cries piteously and sinks beneath the waves…

    Yeah that would have worked.

  • Michael Heath

    Menyambal writes:

    I don’t understand why the Flood is even in the Bible, anyhow. It contradicts the “God so loved the world” bit . . .

    The Bible’s central theme is a god who demands sheepish submission, and promises infinite evil on those who fail to submit. That without actually demonstrating in a evidentiary and non-contradictory manner how one guarantees they’ve correctly submitted. I.e, we’re all supposedly fucked except those who are “saved”, which occurs merely at the whim of this infinitely evil god – if he exists as advertised in the Bible. A god who Christians celebrate as if he’s good rather while avoiding his promising to be infinitely evil.

    I’ve read the Bible a couple of times and studied it for decades; there’s very little love in it relative the amount of hatred and evil both supposedly dispensed and promised.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “I’ve read the Bible a couple of times and studied it for decades; there’s very little love in it relative the amount of hatred and evil both supposedly dispensed and promised.”

    Well, Mr. Michael Heath, that’s to be expected, since the original “historians” were shepherds and they only “loved” their sheep on a spit, well, most of the time anyway.

  • martinc

    They could have added a little pathos with a scene where two unicorns accidentally miss the boat.

  • eric

    @27 – Showing them kickin’ and a splashin’ while the rain is fallin’? Maybe the production company didn’t want to pay royalties to Shel Silverstein’s estate. :)

  • freehand

    doublereed: If it was told as God being the evil guy then it might be interesting.

    .

    Hmmm. Noah gets wind of Yahweh’s plans somehow – perhaps a sympathetic angel? (1) Surreptitiously(2), he and his family build the boat. They smuggle in all the animals they can(3) over many months. Finally, when the rain starts, they make their escape. When the rain slows down and the cloud cover breaks, they blow up the rainbow bridge, blocking Yahweh’s ability to invade Earth as planned. Hooray! Humankind (and elephants) are saved!

    .

    But Yahweh is still out there, plotting. In a brief but shriek-inducing scene. the movie ends with a hand suddenly reaching up from a muddy grave.

    .

    1. A demon!

    2. What? God can’t be everywhere.

    3. Hidden under their cloaks, hence no dinosaurs, and only baby elephants.

  • dingojack

    Well, to be fair, the Noah movie doesn’t like Glenny much either!

    Dingo

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    “@27 – Showing them kickin’ and a splashin’ while the rain is fallin’? Maybe the production company didn’t want to pay royalties to Shel Silverstein’s estate. :)”

    I’m singin’ in the flood, I’m dancin’ in the mud. What a glorious feelin’ I din’t piss off GOD!

  • weatherwax

    #27 martinc: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/exploringourmatrix/2012/11/the-demise-of-the-unicorns.html

    Interestingly I had to resort to a religious page for this, but…