Support Your Local KKK Neighborhood Watch

From the This Can’t Possibly End Well Department comes news that a KKK chapter in Fairview Township, Pennsylvania has decided to form a neighborhood watch program in response to a string of break-ins. But don’t worry, they’re just trying to help the police like any good citizen would:

After a string of local break ins, a Pennsylvania chapter of one of America’s largest hate groups is taking matters into its own hands. On Monday, the Ku Klux Klan established a neighborhood watch to monitor criminal activity in Fairview Township, Pennsylvania.

According to the imperial wizard, Frank Ancona, the task force was developed to complement existing police efforts — and people in the town have purportedly called on the KKK to do what local authorities aren’t. In the past two months, there have been more than nine alleged vehicle break ins, including a few at a local FedEx. A burglar also attempted to steal from a home in the area.

“It’s just like any neighborhood watch program. It’s not targeting any specific ethnicity. We would report anything we see to law enforcement,” Ancona told PennLive. “We don’t hate people. We are an organization who looks out for our race. We believe in racial separation. God created each species after its kind and saw that it was good.”

To draw attention to the KKK’s efforts, members have passed out fliers to promote the new endeavor. For instance, one flier assures Fairview Township residents that they can sleep soundly knowing that the KKK is wide awake.

Oh yes, I’m sure they’ll sleep better knowing that. Especially any non-white people in the area, because KKK vigilante justice has always been such a positive thing for them. In related news, George Zimmerman is moving to Fairview Township, Pennsylvania.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • John Pieret

    It’s just like any neighborhood watch program. It’s not targeting any specific ethnicity. … God created each species after its kind and saw that it was good.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  • http://adventuresinzymology.blogspot.com JJ831

    In the past two months, there have been more than nine alleged vehicle break ins, including a few at a local FedEx

    Must be a small town, then. 9 vehicle break-ins in 2 months seems pretty low. And really, who cares if a FedEx truck is broken into (minus the insurance company)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=666775545 jamesredekop

    We believe in racial separation. God created each species after its kind and saw that it was good.

    Nice polite way of saying “Non-whites aren’t members of the human species”.

  • Kevin Kehres

    @3…and of course, completely at odds with what’s presented in the bible. Curse of Ham, and all that.

  • Moggie

    That burning cross on your lawn? That’s just to deter burglars!

  • dingojack

    “After a string of local break ins, a Pennsylvania chapter of one of America’s largest hate groups is taking matters into its own hands. On Monday, the Ku Klux Klan established a neighborhood watch to monitor criminal activity in Fairview Township, Pennsylvania.

    According to the imperial wizard, Frank Ancona, the task force was developed to complement existing police efforts — and people in the town have purportedly called on the KKK to do what local authorities aren’t.” [Emphasis mine].

    ‘Nice little township your got here Fairview — it’d be a real shame if anything got broke, wouldn’t it?’

    :/ Dingo

    ———-

    Does Pennsylvania have ‘stand you ground’ laws? That could get really ugly, really fast.

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    God created each species after its kind and saw that it was good.”

    I wonder what these asses think about donkeys? That they’re not so good?

    (Plus ligers and tigons and mules and other hybrid animals -and plants can hybridise too of course.)

    Especially any non-white people in the area, because KKK vigilante justice has always been such a positive thing for them.

    Same applies for Jewish residents too I reckon. Plus other white people who disagree with the KKK or have married “non-whites” plus, well, everybody who ain’t racist I’d say.

    I wonder if the KKK neighbourhood watch will be allowed to wear their white sheets and masks or will have to have official identifying to take part – which could backfire on thee members and get pretty interesting in the exposing to sunlight way of disinfecting.

  • matty1

    @4 Actually while there is a story in the Bible referred to as the curse of Ham the text itself never mentions skin colour or race. I’d say that interpreting that as a justification for racism is no more ‘what the Bible teaches’ than the claim only white people are descended from Adam (which I think is what the klansman is driving at). People can read the text that way but they are adding in interpretation, whether they admit it or not.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “Ahh! Mommy, there are ghosts running around the neighborhood!”

    “It’s fine, Bobby. Those aren’t ghosts. Those are morons.”

    “Mommy, what’s a moron?”

    “Well, Bobby, when a brother and a sister love each other very much…”

  • eric

    This is likely going to end one of two ways: (1) one of them gets shot and there is a trial of a black man, or (2) one of them shoots an innocent person and there is a trial of a black man.

    .

  • psweet

    Stevo – I’m not sure what you mean about Donkeys. They’re a domesticated form of the African Wild Ass, Equus asinus, not a hybrid at all.

    Mules, on the other hand….

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    And what about the hippopotagator?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=523300770 stuartsmith

    Tigons?! Half tiger, half dragon? Awesome!

  • dingojack

    “African Wild Ass” – one of my favourite VHS porn videos….

    Oh wait, I see what you’re getting at ….. [slinks out the back door*]

    😀 Dingo

    ———–

    * ifyaknowwhatImean…. nudge nudge

  • Skip White

    This is about a half hour from where I live. It’s in the outer suburbs of Harrisburg, but not really rural, either. It’s my understanding that a lot of the locals are really opposed to the KKK putting up these flyers.

  • D. C. Sessions

    It’s my understanding that a lot of the locals are really opposed to the KKK putting up these flyers.

    They’ll get with the pogram soon enough.

  • Michael Heath

    JJ831 writes:

    . . . who cares if a FedEx truck is broken into (minus the insurance company)

    Employees at non-union manufacturing plants care deeply. If expedited parts don’t arrive on town, some manufacturers can and do shut those lines down and send their employees home. The hourly employees aren’t paid if they don’t work. All employees in many of the tech employees will see a loss in their profit-sharing checks due to the loss suffered from a shut-down manufacturing plant.

    Given global manufacturing is now in a JIT mode (“Just-In-Time”), not keeping one’s line running because Fed Ex failed to deliver on-time also means some manufacturers’s customers will also have to shut their line down because of this one truck not reaching its promised destination on time. I.e., there’s a negative ripple effect down stream in the global supply chain.

    In real estate transactions a Fed Ex truck that fails to deliver can mean closing the deal is delayed. That causes Realtors to wait days to receive compensation since they aren’t paid until funds are distributed, where many transactions are done through over-night mail.

    Far more than insurance companies care about FedEx delivering on time. My examples here personal experiences. I’m sure many people can tell different stories that also falsify your assertion that only insurance companies care. There’s a reason people pay a premium for overnight or two-day delivery.

  • gardengnome

    And any brown person found walking the streets after dark had better have a damn good reason!

  • Rick Pikul

    @stuartsmith:

    No such luck, tigons are the hinny to the liger’s mule: Male tiger, female lion for the tigon v. male lion, female tiger for the liger. Tigons aren’t even huge like ligers, they’re even smaller than their lioness mothers.

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ Rick Pikul : Yup. See :

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tigon

    There’s a list of other mammal hybrids there at the end of that wikipage too FWIW. They all seem like pretty good critters to me.

    @11. psweet : D’oh! Yep. I thought, mules were the same as donkeys hybrid status~ wise..Oh well something new learnt for today then. Sorry to be a jackass there!

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    Sample “Neighborhood Watch” checklist:

    Crosses–check!

    Glock–check!

    Extra mags for Glock–check!

    Snacks–check!

    Soft drink–check!

    Hood–che—BLAM, BLAM, BLAMMITYBLAMBLAM–BLAM. Fuck, I’m sorry Earl!

  • Ysidro

    @Skip White

    I’m kind of embarrarssed to say I’m glad it’s out your way. I thought this was the Fairview Twp. outside Erie. There’s family on my wife’s side living up there, so we naturally think of it first, and “Ridge Road” is a major throughway.