‘Coach’ Dave Goes All Facebook Passive Aggressive

There are few things in life more irritating to me than those Facebook memes that say something like “I bet 99% of my friends won’t share this; I’ll be watching to see who does.” Fuck you and your passive aggressive bullshit. “Coach” Dave Daubenmire decided to start out a column on his website with this kind of idiocy:

I doubt if this commentary will get “shared” by most who read it. It is part of the “collateral damage” of today’s thought-phobia.

But I hear the “amens” from those of you who share my “bigotry” against the anti-Christian bigots. There are thousands of you who agree with me. But you won’t say so. At least not to others. And you certainly won’t “share” it on to your “lists” because of some wussies that you are afraid might be offended.

That’s always a good idea, start out by insulting your readers.

Look at the Progressive Democrats that are currently riding herd on the American culture. If they lived in your neighborhood, where the “real” Americans live, would any of them have any qualities that would cause you to peek out from behind the curtains when they drove by?

Hillary Clinton? Nancy Pelosi? Harry Reid? What about Dick Durbin, Chuck Shumer, John Kerry, or Debbie Whats-in-her-mouth Shultz? Are you kidding me? Sergeant Shultz from Hogan’s Heroes knows more than they do and he was constantly telling us “I know nothing…” Seems to me that is the same position that President Homobama has carved out…

Women don’t like bossy men the experts like to tell us. So to counter that image, they feed us bossy women and gelded men. Is it me, or does your mind scream “lesbian” when you see Hillary?

Gosh, I can’t imagine why people wouldn’t want to share such brilliant thoughts as this. I know I’m more than happy to do so.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • royandale

    “Is it me, or does your mind scream “lesbian” when you see Hillary?”

    It’s you, Coach, it’s you.

  • corporal klinger

    Is there any hole deep enough that these assholes would stop to dig?

  • barry21

    Someone who would use the word “Homobama” shouldn’t dare people into spreading his name around.

  • John Pieret

    So to counter that image, they feed us bossy women and gelded men. Is it me, or does your mind scream “lesbian” when you see Hillary?

    All women who are as competent and forceful as men are “bossy” lesbians and any man who doesn’t put them “in their place [barefoot and pregnant] are “gelded”?

    Maybe your readers aren’t willing to share in your personal delusions?

  • lofgren

    This “I bet 99% of you won’t share this” appears to be a social media “thing.” I see it preceding an impressive number of shares. It makes me wonder sometimes about the mindset of the people who do share those things. Personally, if somebody triple-dog dares me like this it makes me less inclined to spread their message because I feel like they are trying some kind of hamfisted manipulation on me. But those who do share, do they feel like they are better than others because they are sharing something that most “don’t have the balls” to share even if they agree? Or are they defying the OP’s prediction? Or is it a solidarity thing, thinking “You’re right! 99% of people won’t share this! You and I are part of the elite few!”

  • dingojack

    “Is it me, or does your mind scream “lesbian” when you see Hillary?”

    Listen, ‘Coach’, stop ‘shoving down our throats’ your masturbatory fantasies (In fact, keep them entirely confined to your bedroom*) and we’ll continue to allow you be an object of equal parts of derision and pity.

    Deal?

    Dingo

    ——–

    * presumably in your mommy’s basement

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    AND YOU SPREAD IT ED BRATYON! HIS STRATEGY WHICH YOU DEPLORE WORKED!!!

  • DBP

    I love the Sergeant Schultz reference. Partly because Hogan’s Heroes is enjoyable, but also because Schultz was very much in the know about what was happening in the camp. He was the smartest German in that show. He would say “I know nothing!” To avoid getting in trouble, and not because he was totally clueless. I love that coach Dave was probably trying to be clever with this. This is his clever.

  • marcus

    MO @7 And Coach Dave beat you to the “Homobama” thing as well. Har Har!

  • D Carter

    Now that I think about it, I had always simply assumed “Facebook” and “passive aggressive” were synonyms.

  • marym

    I’ve known Daubenmire a long time. He had ADHD as a kid long before ADHD was a diagnosis. Back then boys like him were considered unruly or overactive. He spent his youth continually hearing women teachers tell him to sit down and be quiet. Thus his dislike of “bossy” women. He seems to have trouble with authority anyway but he especially resents having women in charge.

    Daubenmire’s obsession with macho manliness comes from the fact that he’s short, and his older brothers and bigger teammates never let him forget it. You should have seen Daubenmire with his high school football team, all those lanky six foot plus teenagers hulking over shorty Coach Dave. They never had trouble hearing him though. What Daubenmire lacks in size, he more than makes up for in mouth.

    I’m not sure where his need to be the center of attention comes from. He always was the “Hey, look at me!” type … especially with a few beers in him.

    While Daubenmire claims that his life is in service to his lord, it’s really all about Daubenmire trying to piss with the big dogs. And the big dogs are still telling him to “beat it, shorty!”.

  • Ichthyic

    There are thousands of you who agree with me. But you won’t say so. At least not to others. And you certainly won’t “share” it on to your “lists” because of some wussies that you are afraid might be offended.

    Really the reason is just that all those people were busy marching on the white house during Operation American Stupid and just missed his memo.

  • Ichthyic

    Listen, ‘Coach’, stop ‘shoving down our throats’ your masturbatory fantasies

    oh yes, thanks ever so much for that image.

    eeeeyyyyyuuuuuckkk.

  • dugglebogey

    I’ve always been fascinated by the “Those who agree with me are ‘real americans’ and those who disagree with me are somehow ‘fake’.” line of reasoning.

    Most people who go with this theory are smart enough to say it to small groups of (what they consider the ‘real american’ kind of) people, although dumb enough to not know they are always being recorded.

    Saying it on the internet takes a special kind of dumb.

  • eric

    There are thousands of you who agree with me.

    That’s not quite true. Today there are millions who agree with your anti-gay position. It’ll probably take a few decades before than number is down to thousands. But we’lll get there eventually,.

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ / 15. eric : We’re heading in that direction much faster than many ever dreamed and that’s a bloody good good thing.

    That’s always a good idea, start out by insulting your readers.

    No its not.

    thought-phobia.

    Well, that’s a new line I guess. Least I haven’t heard it yet. Kind of you, “Coach Dave”( no coach o’mine!) to follow the neogism with a demonstration but really ya shouldn’t have. Ya really shouldn’t have.

    If they lived in your neighborhood, where the “real” Americans live, would any of them have any qualities that would cause you to peek out from behind the curtains when they drove by?

    Hillary Clinton? Nancy Pelosi? Harry Reid? What about Dick Durbin, Chuck Shumer, John Kerry, or Debbie Whats-in-her-mouth Shultz?

    Yup.

    Why would I or anyone else be doing a Late Polonius of ‘Hamlet’ fame and peeking through curtains (dafuck!?) at any leaders or politicians or celebrities or anyone anyhow?

    Think that says more bout you than anyone else dude.

    Isn’t peeking at some mythological Debbie doing something (one?) with her mouth (& more) part of pop culture (your culture?) porn lore that a lot of Americans love though, no doubt, NOT the Debby ya thinkin’ (using word defined loosley) of there “coach Dave” eh?

    ” Seems to me that is the same position that President Homobama has carved out…

    Is it just me, (prolly is but hey) or does President Homobama sound more like a superhero name than a stupid derogatory toddler grade term of abuse one?

    Also dafucks’s with the right wing throwing up (yeah def “up” not “out”) such really silly intended-to-demean nicknames for the duly elected POTUS? Talk about poor and obvious losers an unconvincin’ rhetoric!

    Women don’t like bossy men the experts like to tell us. So to counter that image, they feed us bossy women and gelded men.

    They do? Aww. That’s nice of them. Odd to think ya think so, “coach dave” coz – no. Ain’t how its is.

    Is it me, or does your mind scream “lesbian” when you see Hillary?

    Its you. Totally, very much you. I’d like to say it suits ya & it kinda does but its stillmake s ya ugly as fuck inteh non-physical sense of the word.

    My mind seeing Hilary Rodham Clinton screams : “2016 onwards she’s prob’ly gonna be US President and I reckon a bloody good one who deserves alotta respect and will be interesting to see how she goes versus her husband (soon to be First man) and whether she gets the same lecvel of loathing directed at her as Obama and how many Republican heads will her presidency assplode eh?

    Among other thoughts like; I wonder which Republican clown she’ll end up beating in the 2016 race (& hey, 2016! We’ll know for sure what Pluto looks by like then all going to plan with NewHorizons</i)) and how will her second term go and wonder if her space policy will beat Obama's and more.

    Of course our minds are very different "coach Dave" & for all my own minds faults and flaws and addictions and messed up nature I'm fucken mighty glad it is. Would hate to be in your mind one dude!

  • dingojack

    Stevo – I think Hillary Clinton will probably get the same levels of respect and courtesy as Julia Gillard.

    Dingo

  • Ichthyic

    will be interesting to see how she goes versus her husband (soon to be First man)

    I just realized….

    Bill will be the only American in history to be both a president and first man.

    weird.

    I hope it chokes the rest of the life out of the GoP, just thinking about it.

    .