West Gets Real Benghazi Scoop From Random, Anonymous Person

Ya gotta hand it to Allen West. When he’s irrational, he’s consistently irrational. In a post on his website, he explains how a completely anonymous person on an airplane who claims to know another anonymous person who was there told him the Real, Honest to God Truth about Benghazi. But he isn’t going to tell you what it is.

Today as I returned from Detroit, I had a moment that I truly felt was God sent, as I don’t believe in coincidences. It happened on one of my flights, and it was two hours I will never forget.

I was seated beside someone who personally knew one of the men who was there on the roof in Benghazi. This person was excited to share with me the “ground truth” of what happened September 11, 2012…

No, it was not about a kidnapping scheme, it was about something, as I’ve stated, that will make Iran-Contra look like Romper Room. The web of lies spun is coming apart, and all other committee hearings on this matter should be shut down.

The House has established a Select Committee — quite telling that the same has not been done in the Senate — and those involved, to include the President, MUST appear before Rep. Trey Gowdy.

And to those Democrats appointed to the committee: if you seek to obstruct the revelation of the truth, you are complicit and guilty as well.

Am I afraid because of what I now know? Heck no. I’m honored to have been entrusted, so I for one can be on the right side of history.

Gotta love that completely superfluous declaration of his own bravery in the face of no threat whatsoever. So manly of you, Allen. But you know what this reminds me of? It reminds me of all the times I’ve had people tell me that they know the real story behind Phil Collins’ song In the Air Tonight. And they all claim to know the truth because their second cousin’s former college roommate’s ex-brother in law was a roadie on a tour and was there when it happened (and then there are about 50 different stories offered, all of them sworn to be true).

About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    a completely anonymous person on an airplane who claims to know another anonymous person who was there told him the Real, Honest to God Truth about Benghazi. But he isn’t going to tell you what it is.

    Whelp, tha’s gud enuff 4 me!

    (Sarcasm)

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    This song :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkADj0TPrJA

    Of course things can always be interpreted in many different (& equally~ish) correct ways ..

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Am I afraid because of what I now know? Heck no. I’m honored to have been entrusted,

    So “honoured” and so worthy of trust he won’t actually provide any real info or reason to act on behalf of this supposedly devastating information rendering it practicvally useless except for puffing his own ego.

    If somethings true and important and verifiable – lets hear it.

    If not, well, whats that worth?

    I ‘spose on the good side at least noo ne can claim he’s trying to distract us from Benghazi!

    (But maybe, we should, y’know, accept that that craps over and done and move on from it? Itwas awful but not what the wingnuts disgustingly claim and wish it were)

  • Jeremy Shaffer

    The true meaning of the song In the Air Tonight? That’s totally about the first time Collins had a pizza delivered to his house.

  • Kevin Kehres

    It was aliens! I seen ’em.

  • sugarfrosted

    I’m pretty sure “In the Air Tonight” is about Benghazi.

  • D. C. Sessions

    It reminds me of all the times I’ve had people tell me that they know the real story behind Phil Collins’ song In the Air Tonight.

    Better analogy than most people know, given that Collins himself has given the story in interviews.

  • Loqi

    I once met a guy on a bus who knew a guy who raised goats, and one of the goats told him Allen West rapes and murders goats. The goat was on a roof somewhere when it happened. I mean, the goat itself wasn’t anywhere near the event, but this goat knew that other goat, so he somehow knows it was Allen West. Goat ESP or something.

  • keithb

    You heard it here first:

    Obama shot the ambassador to keep him quiet because he had Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate.

  • alanb

    I’m pretty sure “In the Air Tonight” is about Benghazi.

    Being “pretty sure” isn’t good enough. You have to have at least a fourth-hand confirmation before I’ll take you seriously. Besides, as anybody can plainly see, it’s about Fast and Furious.

  • dingojack

    This ‘Allen West’ isn’t a real person, the real Allen West was kidnapped by Glenn Bek (and others), killed then raped in the 1980’s. ‘Allen West’ (actually, a surgically altered body double made of Solyent Green offcuts and magic pixie-dust) was then installed to make the future Teabaggers look as foolish as possible thus discrediting them in case a rogue element of the Greys (allied to the Lizardmen) tried to leak the information to a random passenger in order to create a slow leak to the Lamestream media. Plugging this leak is a special back-up false flag operation to distract from the failure to find MH370 to protect their agent X13 (a.k.a Mahathir Mohamad) from exposure, to hide the fact that the DGSE, the Masons, Pope Francis, the re-animated corpse of Joe DiMaggio and select Illuminati used a magneto traction device (and a cloaking field) to divert the flight to Mogadishu to extract two Chinese agents carrying Abraham Zapruder’s other film.

    Dingo

  • caseloweraz

    The House has established a Select Committee — quite telling that the same has not been done in the Senate — and those involved, to include the President, MUST appear before Rep. Trey Gowdy.

    You mean the way Bush and Cheney had to appear before the 9/11 Commission? (I know, they did eventually. But they fought it for a long time, and were not completely forthcoming when they did appear.)

  • Artor

    Goddammit Dingo! You weren’t supposed to reveal that until stage 5 of the X-K Red-27 plan!

  • dingojack

    Shit, I thought we were still using Plan 9 from Planet X!

    WE ARE DISCOVERED. ALL IS LOST. FLEE IMMEDIATELY.

    Dingo

  • Synfandel

    …I had a moment that I truly felt was God sent, as I don’t believe in coincidences.

    Do they not teach basic probability in Georgia high schools?

  • Synfandel

    Every time Ed writes about Allen West, a misfiring neuron makes me picture the mayor Quahog, Rhode Island.

  • Jared Ragland

    Dingo, I like the cut of your gibberish.

  • longstreet63

    I confess that if I found myself on a plane next to one of these guys, I’d be mighty tempted to invent some secret scandal to pass along.

    “Oh, colonel West, I’m in danger for telling you this, but the people have a right to know…”

  • Al Dente

    Well my nephew’s girlfriend’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s chiropractor’s mother’s hairdresser’s husband’s boss’s bartender’s friend told everyone that Benghazi was a plot by Alan West to discredit God by inventing silly stories supposedly told to West.

  • http://en.gravatar.com/mrupright Mr. Upright

    And literally every other person you know had an aunt working in the emergency room when Richard Gere was brought in with…you know. That was one crowded E-room!

  • dingojack

    Jared Ragland – that’s GFG*

    Dingo

    ——–

    * Genuine Frontier Gibberish.

  • tubi

    I would submit that Allen West should testify in front the House Select Committee. Notwithstanding his premature admonition of House Dems, if West knows something new about what happened, and doesn’t tell someone, he’s fucking obstructing.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    He would’ve got more information from the guy, but the plane landed before West had a chance to hold him down and perform a mock execution on him.

     

    It reminds me of all the times I’ve had people tell me that they know the real story behind Phil Collins’ song In the Air Tonight.

    I know the true story. Mr Collins, you see, could feel it coming in the air one night. He’d been waiting all of his life for that moment. At the time, he wondered if you could also feel what was coming in the air that night.

     

    D. C. Sessions “Better analogy than most people know, given that Collins himself has given the story in interviews.”

    Sure, but were those the real Phil Collins?

  • savagemutt

    The web of lies spun is coming apart, and all other committee hearings on this matter should be shut down.

    So, um, Benghazi has been a distraction from Benghazi?

    We’re through the looking glass here, people.

  • Kermit Sansoo

    Synfandel: …I had a moment that I truly felt was God sent, as I don’t believe in coincidences.

    Do they not teach basic probability in Georgia high schools?

    .

    Of course they do. They teach evolutionism and global warmingism also, but West proved immune to all that scientifical anti-American crap.