Hagee: It’s Not Global Warming, It’s Jesus!

I’ve read the Bible cover to cover. And while I recall the story of Jesus turning water into wine, I don’t remember anything about him causing ocean temperatures to rise by his very presence. Thank goodness I have Matthew Hagee to set me straight and tell me that global warming is really happening because Jesus is coming back soon.

As Hagee explained, the views put forth by scientists and experts on any subject are not to be believed if those views are at odds with what the Bible teaches. As such, the extreme weather events that the climate has been experiencing are not the result of climate change but are rather signs of the End Times and the imminent return of Jesus Christ.

“The Bible says that whenever we approach the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ,” Hagee explained, “that there would be strange weather patterns. Jesus said this in Matthew the twenty-fifth chapter. So we have a decision to make: do we believe what an environmentalist group says and choose to live in a world where we’re attempting to make everything as clean in the air as possible, or do we believe what the Bible says, that these things were going to happen and that rather than try to clean up all of the air and solve all of the problems of the world by eliminating factories, we should start to tell people about Jesus Christ who is to return?”

I hope he’s right. I hope the rapture happens very soon so idiots like this are magically whisked away. Seems to me that would make the earth a lot more like heaven.

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  • John Pieret

    rather than try to clean up all of the air and solve all of the problems of the world

    So, does Hagee shit in his living room because Jeebus is coming any day now to clean it up?

  • keithb

    Matthew 25 has the parable of the Virgins, The master, servants and talents and the sheep and the goats. What does that have to do with the weather?

  • alanb

    @keithb,

    I just did a quick reading of reading of Matthew 25 and can find nothing relevant, even if one were to do the kind of contortionist interpretation that these guys generally do.

  • D. C. Sessions

    You folk really don’t get it, do you?

    Scriptural citations aren’t supposed to be checked. They’re just thrown in to give the statement authority.

    He could just as readily have referred to chapter 8 of the Book of Peter. Almost none of his listeners would even remember that is no book of Peter. Of those who did, most would tell themselves that it was their memory was faulty and nod along anyway. None of them would have gone to check the citation — after all, Brother Hagee is a man of God and whatever he says about the Bible is undoubtedly true.

  • raven

    Almost none of his listeners would even remember that is no book of Peter.

    Huh, what?

    First Epistle of Peter – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    en.wikipedia .org/wiki/First_Epistle_of_Peter

    The First Epistle of Peter, usually referred to simply as First Peter and often … are similarities between 1 Peter and Peter’s speeches in the Biblical book of Acts, …

    ‎Authorship – ‎Audience – ‎Outline – ‎Context

    Second Epistle of Peter – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Second_Epistle_of_Peter

    The Second Epistle of Peter, often referred to as Second Peter and written 2 … is a book of the New Testament of the Bible, written in the name of Saint Peter, …

    Well there are. Two of them. You might have meant the Gospel of Peter. Probably there is but it never made it into the bible when they were compiling it.

    IIRC, the Peters are ones that were forged.

  • caseloweraz

    Hagee: For example, we hear that all of the weather events that are taking place in the world today are a result of environmental impact of global warming, that emissions from factories and sorts of things are the reasons why there’s mudslides, the reason why there’s hurricanes and tornadoes and earthquakes and all of these various situations. That’s incorrect.

    I agree; it’s incorrect. That’s why we only hear it* from the people we call climate-change deniers. The truth is more nuanced. But “nuance” doesn’t appear in the Bible, does it?

    * Except for the bit about earthquakes. Not even deniers are that dumb.

  • keithb

    BTW, I know he meant Matthew 24, but if he can’t get what he supposed to be an expert on correct, why should I believe him about anything else?

  • grignon

    “The Bible says that whenever we approach the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ,”

    Yep, every damned time. Like he couldn’t send a text or something. “Hey! On my way!”

    Why do I get the feeling that, if you x-rayed this guy’s head, you’d find a 4″ framing nail?

  • raven

    Why do I get the feeling that, if you x-rayed this guy’s head, you’d find a 4″ framing nail?

    LOL. Naw.

    You would find neon flashing dollar signs.

    The Hagees are some of the more obvious scammers, in it for the money. Hagee was thrown out of AofG, itself a corrupt church, for adultery or some such.

  • leskimopie

    So we have a decision to make: do we believe what an environmentalist group says and choose to live in a world where we’re attempting to make everything as clean in the air as possible, or do we believe what the Bible says…and that rather than try to clean up all of the air and solve all of the problems of the world by eliminating factories, we should start to tell people about Jesus Christ who is to return?

    Wowsers, like lets say you believe all that crap…why couldn’t you do both? I mean, hes actually making the argument that clean air is BAD?

  • dingojack

    raven –

    And the people bowed and prayed

    To the neon God they made

    And the sign flashed out it’s warning

    In the words that it was forming

    And the signs said, ‘The words of the prophets

    Are written on the subway walls and tenement halls’

    And whispered in the sounds of silence.

    Dingo

  • pocketnerd

    Thus Spake Zara D. C. Sessions, #4:

    None of them would have gone to check the citation — after all, Brother Hagee is a man of God and whatever he says about the Bible is undoubtedly true.

    Not just that, but he “reads the Bible literally” or “takes God’s Word at face value,” which means Matthew Hagee’s interpretation is necessarily correct. If you have a different exegesis, it’s because you’re a conformed-to-this-world salad-bar Christian, addicted to the demonic False Gospel of Nice.

    But it’s amazing how you can use proof-texting to support any point you want, provided you’re willing to stretch far enough (and your audience is credulous enough). I’m not religious, but I think it’s notable that the Bible first describes Yahweh Elohim as a gardener. I personally think you can’t claim to love the gardener while you’re busily wrecking the garden.

  • David Marjanović

    I mean, hes actually making the argument that clean air is BAD?

    I think he’s making the “argument” that dirty air is a miracle, a Sign from God, so to clean it up is 1) pointless (if God Almighty wants the air to be dirty, it is dirty, and you can’t do shit about it), 2) ever-so-slightly blasphemous, and 3) royally missing the point.

    In other words, he thinks his car and his air condition are Jesus.

    But look what I found:

    Matthew 10:23

    Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come.

    Matthew 24:14

    And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.

    Mark 13:24–33 with added emphasis

    But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars of heaven shall fall, and the powers that are in heaven shall be shaken. And then shall they see the Son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory. And then shall he send his angels, and shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from the uttermost part of the earth to the uttermost part of heaven. Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When her branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is near: So ye in like manner, when ye shall see these things come to pass, know that it is nigh, even at the doors. Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done. Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away.

    But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father. Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.

  • Michael Heath

    Matthew Hagee writes:

    So we have a decision to make: do we believe what scientists and economists report an environmentalist group says and choose to live in a world where we’re attempting to make everything as clean in the air as possible, or do we believe what the Bible says, that these things were going to happen and that rather than try to clean up all of the air and solve all of the problems of the world by eliminating factories, we should start to tell people about Jesus Christ who is to return?”

    This argument is of course idiotic and delusional. But so is the argument by secular conservatives and libertarians who dishonestly refer to the respective experts as “alarmists” and argue we should do nothing; as if even a hedge is ludicrous.

    An introductory course to strategic decision-making reveals doing nothing to be idiotic even if there wasn’t a scientific consensus on global warming, where even many uneducated people figure out how to effectively hedge against personal risk without such training.

    So how does Mr. Hagee propose that Christians illustrate their commitment to Jesus’ return? I’m guessing hating on gays, secularists, intellectuals, atheists, Muslims, uppity black people, etc., etc., etc. Oh, and starting a war in the Middle East of course. From that last perspective libertarian denialists do have a modest moral advantage.

  • caseloweraz

    I should probably modify my last statement in #6. It’s possible in principle that isostatic rebound could trigger earthquakes.

  • caseloweraz

    Hagee: “…do we believe what the Bible says, that these things were going to happen and that rather than try to clean up all of the air and solve all of the problems of the world by eliminating factories, we should start to tell people about Jesus Christ who is to return?”

    If I had the money to spare, I’d wager a large amount that Hagee owns stock in manufacturing companies.

  • busterggi

    ““The Bible says that whenever we approach the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ,” Hagee explained, “that there would be strange weather patterns.”

    Apparently Jesus, like his followers, is a lot of hot air.

  • coffeehound

    Absolutely.

    I know I read this in Revelations somewhere, as well , as you get closer to the arrival of Christ you get closer to his body and the earth gets hotter, stickier and more humid.

    We’re right about level with Christ’s codpiece right now.

    Praise Jeebus!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It takes balls to stand up for making things worse. What an asshole. In a Just World, his house would burn down and when he went to the insurance company they’d say it wasn’t covered because his house burning down was a sign that Christ’s return was at hand.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    And also Raven (#5) and Coffeehound (#18), Peter’s Forgers and Christ’s Codpiece were bands of mine.

  • colnago80

    Re Michael Heath @ #14

    In other news, the tea partiers in the House have gotten a bill passed to prevent the Defense Department from funding any study on how climate change might affect our defense posture. This when climate scientists are now predicting that the naval base at Norfolk, the largest such base in the Continental US, may be under several feet of water by the end of the century due to warming caused sea level rise. As Judge Jones would say, the inanity of is is breathtaking.

    http://goo.gl/UlIwSQ

  • colnago80

    Re 21

    That should read that the inanity of it is breathtaking.

  • D. C. Sessions

    You left the “s” out of “insanity.”