How to Become Republican Presidential Material

As potential candidates jockey for position and seek to set themselves up for a successful campaign, Jeff Allen of BarbWire has identified the one thing you have to do to be a serious contender for the Republican presidential nomination: Say ignorant things about gay people.

Following the Texas Republican state convention’s encouraging stance in favor of sexual normalcy and the family, potential Republican presidential candidate Gov. Rick Perry spoke on Wednesday night at the Commonwealth Club of California, a business event in San Francisco that was focused primarily on economic issues, as part of his trip to lure jobs and businesses away from California to the Lone Star State. However, in response to questions from the audience and interviewer Greg Dalton, he defended his state party’s recent embrace of reparative therapy for the sexually confused. He identified homosexual behavior as a choice by drawing an insightful comparison between homosexuality and alcoholism. And the obsessive-compulsive/addictive nature of both behaviors actually makes for a very compelling correlation.

The conversation veered off topic when Gov. Perry was asked in a written question by an audience member about whether he believed homosexuals could “be cured by prayer or counseling.”

Perry responded, “I don’t know. I’m not a psychiatrist, I’m not a doctor.”

“Is it a disorder?” pressed club member and moderator Greg Dalton.

The former presidential candidate then proceeded to cite his 2008 book On My Honor in which he defended the recently-abandoned heterosexual values of the Boy Scouts. “I talked about that people make choices in life, and whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that,” Perry explained as he affirmed the existence of human free moral agency over our actions.

The Texas governor continued, “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.”

The Los Angeles Times reported that Perry’s comments resulted in a “smattering of groans and hisses” from the crowd. Perhaps his fearless fortitude, displayed while speaking in the hostile territory of the “gay” Mecca of San Francisco, will inspire a few other Republicans to grow a spine — but don’t hold your breath…

Fortunately, Gov. Perry’s latest remarks demonstrate his resolute refusal to back down to the bullies of Big Gay. That’s what presidential poise under pressure looks like.

Well sure. Because saying ignorant and bigoted things about gay people is the definitive qualification to run the country.

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  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    ‘Perry responded, “I don’t know. I’m not a psychiatrist, I’m not a doctor.”’

    Heh! And PZ just had a posting “I’m not a scientist, but…” is there a trend here?

  • lancifer

    Rick Perry is a tool. That said, the Republican party is either going to realize that anti-gay rhetoric is out of step with the American mainstream or they are going to become more and more of a minority party.

    I suspect that the smarter party officials (which excludes Mr. Perry) are already realizing this situation and are trying to find a way to pretend that they were never “anti-gay” and just move on.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Yes, but you have to remember that Both Sides are the Same because, while the GOP is currently against gay rights, Obama and Hillary used to be not for gay marriage. So, clearly it’s a wash, and voters will have to choose based on other issues, like how much the federal budget (exempt Defense) should be cut.

  • Trebuchet

    Perry, if elected, would be the second US president named “Richard”. Because that worked so well the first time. He’s a Dick.

    Oh, and waffling like “I don’t know. I’m not a psychiatrist, I’m not a doctor.” doesn’t sound much like “resolute refusal to back down” to me.

  • dingojack

    Yep, because affirming your belief in a whole bunch of crazy, discredited ideas that alienates 54% of your potential pool of voters (especially as a major policy plank in your run for the Presidency) is a sure way to win, amiright?*

    Go on little Ricky, this time for sure! @@

    Dingo

    ——–

    * and when you don’t win, double down and say you only lost because you weren’t fucking nuts enough.

  • busterggi

    Saying ignorant bigoted shit about gays certainly helps a Republican candidate but they also have to throw out a few remarks disparaging black, hispanics, women, northerners, folks who can read, folks who don’t shoot everything that moves (or doesn’t), non-Christians (except for specific wealthy ones), folks who trust science and people who use utensils when they eat if they want to be sure of getting the core vote.

  • howardhershey

    Who really expects politicians to be world-renowned scientists or economist or any other profession (including law)? I do expect them to be able to listen to and learn from experts in the relevant fields and to be able to distinguish between real experts and frauds. What these politicians are doing is actually saying, “I am not a scientist and I won’t listen to them because they will probably tell me something I don’t want to hear.” If questioned hey will then switch to the “There is not 100% agreement among scientists. 97% agreement is not enough.”

  • D. C. Sessions

    Yep, because affirming your belief in a whole bunch of crazy, discredited ideas that alienates 54% of your potential pool of voters (especially as a major policy plank in your run for the Presidency) is a sure way to win, amiright?

    Remove all of the solid blue States from that “54%.” I suspect it drops quite a bit. It might still hurt in swing States, but don’t forget that before swing states make any difference, you have to win the nomination.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Who really expects politicians to be world-renowned scientists or economist or any other profession (including law)?

    Expects? No, not really. Although I would point out that the last three Democratic Presidents were, respectively, a nuclear engineer [1] and two professors of Constitutional law.

    [1] Navy nuke officers have at a minimum the equivalent of a Master’s degree in nuclear engineering. Annapolis may be many other things, but it truly is a first-class engineering school. And then Navy nuke school is a whole ‘nuther thing on top.

  • colnago80

    The Texas governor continued, “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.

    I wonder how come nobody ever asks him if the rumors about him being a switch hitter are true. If I were in the audience, I sure would if recognized. I wonder whether ole Ricky is telling us that, yes indeed, he has the genetic coding to incline him to like guys but he has the desire not to do that.

  • colnago80

    Re Howardhershey @ #7

    Well, German Chancellor Angela Merkel is a PhD physicist who taught physics at a German university before going into politics.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    D. C. Sessions “Although I would point out that the last three Democratic Presidents were, respectively, a nuclear engineer [1] and two professors of Constitutional law.”

    Sure, but I don’t see how Three Mile Island, one wandering penis and State Secrets Privilege help your case.

  • robnyny

    And Mitt Romney bankrupted scores of companies and threw thousands of people out of work. Not to mention the bizarre superstitions. Highly qualified to be President, almost as much as Sarah Palin, the distinguished half-term governor of America’s least populous and most federally subsidized state.

  • eric

    Because saying ignorant and bigoted things about gay people is the definitive qualification to run the country.

    Don’t forget the alcoholics! Perry accomplished a twofer; he blamed genetically predispositioned gays for being gay AND genetically predispositioned alcoholics for being alcoholics.

  • reddiaperbaby1942

    To Richard at #1 and others: In an episode from The West Wing, CJ Cregg tells reporters what Republican Presidential candidate said on the previous day: “I’m no scientist, but I know a thing or two about physics”. She adds: So, for the week, you can add ‘scientist’ to ‘doctor,’ ‘mind reader,’ and ‘Chinese.'” (20 Hours in America, Part I)

    This familiar rhetorical strategy is related though not identical to the standard disclaimer: “I’m no racist but”, “I don’t hate gays but”, etc, etc ad nauseam (in this case literally).

  • dingojack

    D. C. Sessions (#8) – According to Pew Research Center:

    Should Homosexuality be accepted by society?

    Republicans: (about 27% of all voters)

    Conservative: 35% Yes; 58% No; 7% Don’t Know

    Liberal/Moderate: 52% Yes; 42% No; 7% Don’t Know

    All Republicans: 40% Yes; 53% No; 8% Don’t Know

    Independents (about 41% of voters)

    Independents: 63% Yes; 28% No; 9% Don’t Know

    Democratic (about 32% of all voters)

    Conservative/Moderate Democratic: 61% Yes; 32% No%; 7% Don’t Know

    Liberal Democratic: 81% Yes; 14 No; 6% Don’t Know

    All Democratic: 67% Yes; 27% No; 7% Don’t Know

    Even capturing all the No and D/K votes you’d lose 42.25% to 57.75%* (15.5 percentage point loss). Distributing the D/K proportionally to the Yes and No vote, you’d lose by 37.2% to 62.8% (25.6 percentage point loss). All for shoring up 10.683% of the vote? Hardly a winning strategy I would have thought.

    Dingo

    ——–

    * Assuming that this issue was the only issue that the voters thought was important enough to vote on.

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