Robertson: Gays Will Force Christians to Have Sex

From the mouth of the man who thinks feminism is about making women kill their children, divorce their husbands, practice witchcraft and become socialists comes a whole new ridiculous claim: Gay people are going to force Christians to have sex with random people just like in Sodom and Gomorrah.

Responding to a 700 Club report about a Colorado baker who refused service to a gay couple, Robertson warned that “what our civil rights commissions and others are saying is, ‘We want to endanger our society and set it up for the judgment of God and if you Christians don’t like it then get out.”

He said that just like those in Sodom who demanded that people have sex with them, gay people today are threatening Christians: “What the gays are saying is, ‘we’re going to drive you out of town, either you conform to us or you must leave.’ That’s the message that’s being put out, it’s the same message that there was in Sodom and Gomorrah: You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave, or you go out of business. That’s America, you don’t want that, do you?”

I’ve got news for you, Pat: No one, gay or straight, wants to have sex with you, even if you do think you can leg press 5000 pounds.

httpv://youtu.be/aYFGXHdBl3M

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About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    “have sex with random people”

    Will this be truly randomized, with double blind dates?

  • moarscienceplz

    What makes me really sad about PR is not that he keeps saying things that are lies and/or bat-shit crazy. It’s that there are enough people out there who send him money to keep saying things that are lies and/or bat-shit crazy on television.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1159674804 robertbaden

    Where will it stop? Next people will be expecting them to dance!

  • dugglebogey

    This is all lining up excuses.

    Preacher caught having gay sex – “The gays forced me to do it! With their evil tempting ways!”

  • Mr Ed

    Colorado baker who refused service to a gay couple…

    …You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave,

    I want to be there when Pat finds out that “Baking a Cake” isn’t a euphemism.

  • eric

    You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave

    I’m okay with a law that requires me to have sex with angels. Sasquatches and leprechauns, too.

  • cry4turtles

    Hmm, my brother and his husband from Colorado just stayed with me for three days and they didn’t force me to do anything.

  • Anthony K

    Will this be truly randomized, with double blind dates?

    I have a lot of faith in Modus Operandi, but I gotta say you set the bar very high for this thread with that one, richardelguru.

  • matty1

    You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave, or you go out of business.

    I make that four options, can I pick a combination – like I have sex with angels and you leave?

  • Johnny Vector

    I have a whole slew of gay friends who are all the time making me, um, cry! Yes, that’s it. It’s true. I have several gay friends who make me cry anytime I see them on stage singing a sad song. See what power they have??!!

    Course when the song is “The Internet is for Porn”, it makes me laugh instead. But it’s still controlling me, and so totally unfair.

    Stupid gay friends.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “What the gays are saying is, ‘we’re going to drive you out of town…”

    He’s right. When The Gays took over here, the drive took forever, too. Floats don’t move all that fast. By the time they dropped me off at the county line* I was covered in glitter.

     

    * The County Line is the gay bar at the edge of town. The Edge of Town is a gay bar, too. All bars are gay bars now.

  • D. C. Sessions

    richardelguru definitely scores. I’m going to have to share that one with the sociologist daughter.

  • busterggi

    Of course actual bibilcal scholars agree that the ‘sin’ of Sodom was being unhospitable towards newcomers i.e.: not offering them shelter & food rather than buttsex.

    But you wouldn’t expect Pat to know about the bible.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Of course actual bibilcal scholars agree that the ‘sin’ of Sodom was being unhospitable towards newcomers i.e.: not offering them shelter & food rather than buttsex.

    What do they know? Do they get their answers direct from the Voice of God, like Pat does?

  • eric

    Will this be truly randomized, with double blind dates?

    And less used term for it is double-masked. That could definitely be fun. Just don’t put Tom Cruise in the movie version of it.

  • Matt G

    Double blind dates. Good one, Richard!

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    I’ve got news for you, Pat: No one, gay or straight, wants to have sex with you, even if you do think you can leg press 5000 pounds.

    Thanks. Now I need some industrial-strength brain bleach.

  • Al Dente

    busterggi @13

    Of course actual bibilcal scholars agree that the ‘sin’ of Sodom was being unhospitable towards newcomers i.e.: not offering them shelter & food rather than buttsex.

    What were they doing in Gomorrah?

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave, or you go out of business.

    Crazy Uncle Pat forgot the option Lot chose: Offer up your daughters to be gang raped instead. And remember, he was the only righteous man living in Sodom.

  • Nick Gotts

    can I pick a combination – like I have sex with angels and you leave? – matty1@9

    Yes, but I think if you choose the sex with angels, you have to do it with an infinite number of them, on the head of a pin. That’s sophistimacated theolology.

  • Nick Gotts

    What were they doing in Gomorrah? – Al Dente@18

    It’s so horrifying they left it out of the Bible: they were playing cribbage on the Sabbath.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    d.c.wilson “Crazy Uncle Pat forgot the option Lot chose: Offer up your daughters to be gang raped instead.”

    What would Gayhomos want with women?

     

    Nick Gotts “…cribbage on the Sabbath.”

    Dibs on album title!

  • Michael Heath

    robertbaden writes:

    Where will it stop? Next people will be expecting them to dance!

    That’s the first compelling reason I’ve encountered that justifies God firing off tornadoes in the Bible Belt.

  • John Pieret

    Damn! If I had known that baking a cake was like having sex with angels, I might have paid more attention in Homeec. But the question would then be Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore or Lucy Liu?

  • jws1

    @#14: It’s highly offensive to the Christian God if one fails to offer strangers food and shelter? Kinda reminds me of a big story in the news right now…

  • sabrekgb

    @1

    Will this be truly randomized, with double blind dates?

    Winning!

  • Snoof

    busterggi @ 13

    Of course actual bibilcal scholars agree that the ‘sin’ of Sodom was being unhospitable towards newcomers i.e.: not offering them shelter & food rather than buttsex.

    You don’t have to be a scholar for that, it’s text:

    Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. – Ezekiel 16:49

    (I think the NIV translation is pithier, but in Robertson’s crowd, using anything but the KJV puts you one step from heresy.)

  • dingojack

    Eric (#15) – and certainly not Jim Carrey!

    MO (#22) – Cribbage Sabbath? Weren’t they a really insipid Black Sabbath tribute band?!?

    Dingo

  • bahrfeldt

    “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. – Ezekiel 16:49″. Or the shorter, current teabag theme “Not my children! Not my problem!”.

  • http://www.bianymeans.com Travis Mamone

    I’m 100% pro-consent, so Pat doesn’t have to worry about me. I don’t need to force anybody; good little Christian boys always come my way ;)

  • http://www.bianymeans.com Travis Mamone

    Er, I should point out that by “good little Christian boys,” I mean “Christian men.” I’m not a Catholic priest!


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