Favorite Newt Gingrich Quotes

Ann-Marie Murrell’s latest column for the Worldnetdaily is truly an example of phoning it in. Rather than writing something original, she just offers a list of her 12 favorite quotes from Newt Gingrich. It’s a pretty bad list, a bunch of meaningless quips. So let me offer my own favorite quotes from Newt, like wanting to make poor kids work as janitors in schools:

“It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in child laws which are truly stupid…These schools should get rid of unionized janitors, have one master janitor, pay local students to take care of the school.”

Good idea, Newt. Let’s just get rid of child labor laws and make poor kids the target for abuse in schools.

“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

Don’t you love how he suddenly lapses into the passive voice at the end there? It’s all about I, I, I until you get to the actual thing he did wrong, then suddenly it just “happened” — all on its own, apparently. He was just there, feeling patriotic and working hard because he loved his country so much, and all of a sudden this extramarital affair just happened, out of the blue and without a warning. He didn’t actually do anything, it all just happened to him. Twice. At least.

“I have two grandchildren — Maggie is 11, Robert is 9. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they’re my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.”

As opposed to Newt, who has no understanding of what the word “secular” means.

“The problem isn’t too little money in political campaigns, but not enough.”

*headdesk*

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  • Reginald Selkirk

    18 Newt Gingrich Quotes That Disqualify Him From Ever Being President

    18. “I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican party is that we don’t encourage you to be nasty. We encourage you to be neat, obedient, and loyal and faithful and all those Boy Scout words.”

    That one certainly seems to be obsolete.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    “The problem isn’t too little money in political campaigns, but not enough.”

    From the perspective of a serial politician, quite true.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    10. “This is one of the great tragedies of the Bush administration. The more successful they’ve been at intercepting and stopping bad guys, the less proof there is that we’re in danger…. It’s almost like they should every once in a while have allowed an attack to get through just to remind us.”

    I guess that explains the 9/11 attacks.

  • dugglebogey

    Only a Republican would try to make fucking around on your wife sound patriotic.

  • Dave Maier

    “things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

    I see your point, but this is the active voice, not the passive: things happened. Sorry to be the grammar pedant but these things matter!

  • busterggi

    Remember people – this is what passes for wisdom from an elder statesman in the GOP.

  • Doug Little

    they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists

    Now everybody sing. One of those things is not like the others.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “The problem isn’t too little money in political campaigns, but not enough.” *headdesk*

    Why? He’s right. The only way for the poor to truly have a voice is for them to give more of the money they don’t have to elect people to represent them.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    Gingrich is well aware of what “secular” means, he’s just swinging with the extra-jumbo, doubly stupid religious right meme that Islam is not a religion but a socio-political system (see Murfreesboro mosque for more fun on that). Of course, lately a lot of them have been claiming Christianity is not a religion either, it’s a “relationship with Jesus Christ,” but that’s totally different andby that token they can smear Jesus all over the courthouse and it’s ok because not supporting religion because Jesus. That’s clear enough, I think…

  • matty1

    @9 Of course didn’t you know the only religion is atheism.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

    That wasn’t referring to an extramarital affair! That was when he didn’t have time to go back to his apartment, so he changed clothes in his office and, while nude, was tickled by the fringe of his old US Navy flag, causing him to unintentionally ejaculate on a swath of blue fabric.

    He regrets it to this day.

  • ursamajor

    My favorite quote by the amphibious* politician is not famous at all.

    At a charity event my spouse passed near as he was scolding his wife #2** and overheard this little gem:

    “I have already had one sick wife and I am not having another.”

    Chit-chat among the Republicans at the event showed a wide spread awareness that his pants have a habit of falling off.

    * He lives both in mud and slime.

    ** Wife #1 dumped for audacity of having cancer, wife#2 dumped for audacity of having MS.

  • cottonnero

    I suppose that this is cheating, but my favorite Newt Gingrich quote is about rather than by him, that he is “a stupid man’s idea of what a smart man sounds like”.

  • Michael Heath

    Ditto cottonnero @ 13.