‘Cranky’ Republican Back in the Race

Remember Jordan Haskins, the Republican candidate for the Michigan state house who ended his campaign after it came out that he had a long history of breaking into people’s cars to masturbate while cranking the engine? Guess who’s back? Back again…

Less than one month after announcing he was quitting a race for state representative, Republican Jordan Haskins says he plans to re-launch his campaign.

“I’m jumping back in,” Haskins said. “I was just taking a break and thinking about some things.”

Haskins was the lone Republican candidate filed for the 95th State House District seat being vacated by Rep. Stacy Erwin Oakes, D-Saginaw, who is running for the Michigan Senate…

In the early morning hours of Aug. 5, after the Democratic primary was called for Guerra, Haskins posted to Facebook, “I will again be actively campaigning for the 95th District.”

He said Guerra winning the primary contest was the main reason he chose to jump back in the race.

“If Norm Braddock had won, I may not have gotten back in,” Haskins said.

A friend of mine wondered, with him having such a specific fetish, does he have a particular model of car he prefers to jack off in? Does he think Japanese cars are sexier? Enquiring minds wanna know.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    A 1929 Bentley in British Racing Green….

     

     Oh! you mean his preference.

     

     

    Never mind.

  • UnknownEric the Apostate

    If he, ahem, “finishes” on the wheel, does that make it a circle jerk?

  • Loqi

    I have a Subaru STi, and now I’m scared. Perhaps the abbreviation will scare him out of any sexual shenanigans with it. Or maybe the boxer engine will confuse him into leaving it alone.

  • anubisprime

    And folks complain when it seems that public administration goes to valhalla in a hand cart.

    Well you get what ya vote for, in some cases ya get a whole lot more then ya bargained for…but mostly it is a whole lot less…in this case sanity…but democracy …yea!

  • Doug Little

    “I’m jumping back in,” Haskins said. “I was just taking a break and thinking about some things.”

    Snicker!

  • moarscienceplz

    “I’m jumping back in,” Haskins said.

    Did he bring his own set of jumper cables?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Loqi “I have a Subaru STi, and now I’m scared. Perhaps the abbreviation will scare him out of any sexual shenanigans with it. Or maybe the boxer engine will confuse him into leaving it alone.”

    Well I have an Evo, and he can tug one off in its engine compartment any time.*

     

    * “Mitsubishi: Cars for Perverts.”

  • Crimson Clupeidae

    I see a special episode of ‘Bait Car’ in this guy’s future.

    What?! Don’t look at me like you weren’t thinking the exact same thing.

  • zmidponk

    You know, I’d heard films like Fast and Furious being described as ‘car porn’, but I didn’t think anyone would take that literally…

  • illdoittomorrow

    richardelguru (@ 1) says:

    “A 1929 Bentley in British Racing Green….

    Oh! you mean his preference.

    Never mind.”

    I’m guessing you mean the one with the blower, right? Cuz that would be, erm, something else entirely…

  • drizzt

    Now I know why I bought a 3 cilinder 1.2L Diesel TDi 3L… He won’t know which side to come in :)

    NB : This particular engine isn’t manufactured anymore, too expensive for VW… But doing 2.6L at 100km (something like 90 miles a gallon) is still great:)

  • rockofrages

    And his Party is anti-gay? Let’s check the list of Republican antis. Hmmm, no Onanism.

  • Nibi

    A 1964 NSU Spider of course – it has a Wankel engine.

  • skinnercitycyclist

    Are there a lot of these people out there? I only ride a bike, should I be wiping off my seat every time I come out of the market?

  • http://composer99.blogspot.ca composer99

    I may giggle every time I hear the word “crankshaft” in future.

  • eamick

    His campaign theme song will be “Yank Me, Crank Me” by Ted Nugent.