‘Black Mass’ in Oklahoma Sold Out

On Sept. 21, a satanic group will be holding a “black mass” at the Oklahoma City Civic Center. As much as I find such things to be monumentally idiotic, I’m still having a good laugh at the furious reaction from the local faithful, especially the Catholic Church, which is absolutely raging about what is now a sold-out event.

Wagons are being circled, tizzies are being thrown and children are being thought of in Oklahoma City, as the state’s religious leaders are urging the faithful to pray like they’ve never prayed before in preparation for the most eagerly-anticipated religious event in the history of the city—one which the Catholic Diocese of Oklahoma claims could engulf the city with satanic evil via dry ice and a bucket of fake piss…

Naturally enough, the idea of a black mass has not set well with Oklahoma’s large Catholic community—who have been working curiously hard since the previously hyper-obscure event was announced to make sure that virtually everyone in the world is aware of the horror about set to be sprung on the previously quiet and virtuous streets of Oklahoma City.

The Rev. Don Wolf of St. Eugene Catholic Church says that the event—a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies, but which Daniels has said will be toned-down to comply with local decency laws—could evoke the actual Devil himself into making an appearance.

“To engage in this is to open the window up to the presence of forces that are not to be trifled with,” Wolf told the Oklahoman.

Oklahoma Diocese Archbishop Paul Coakley has scheduled a prayer service and procession for the afternoon of the 21st, just prior to the black mass.

Coakley has also asked his parishes to conclude each Mass with a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel (who, if you remember your Sunday School lessons, defeated Satan and flung him back to Earth in the Book of Revelations) through September 29th—or the day The Music Man opens in Oklahoma City, which should be great musical fun for the whole family assuming the Civic Center isn’t engulfed by perdition’s flames.

Yeah, that’ll do it. They’re going pray to non-existent supernatural entities that they actually believe in to defeat the “demons” that the satanists putting this on don’t actually believe in. But still, fuck the satanists and their juvenile, idiotic displays of ostentatious anti-religious hysteria.

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  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    The satanists need to send a “Thank you” to the archbishop for all the free publicity. I wonder if the event would have sold out if the church hadn’t got its panties in a twist.

  • Martin, heading for geezerhood

    What’s the downside for the RCC? If Satan doesn’t appear then they can claim their prayers worked, thus bolstering the faithful, and if he does appear they are going to see an increase in membership as people rush screaming to the altar.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Smart people, you Americans.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    I wonder how many people think the black mass is a Black Sabbath cover band?

  • http://www.kingdomoffife.blogspot.com/ kingdomoffife

    ” But still, fuck the satanists and their juvenile, idiotic displays of ostentatious anti-religious hysteria.” Granted I am fairly dense, but why pose a criticism in such a vitriolic tone? How is this so far removed from the flying spaghetti monster? Personally, I think this endeavor has been successful in exposing (“exposing” is the wrong word for anyone that chooses to pay attention can plainly see this) how ridiculous organized religion can be . . .

  • eric

    Here’s hoping that the sold out crowd does not include people bent on disrupting it.

    My only other comment on it is, I think I’d prefer a ticket to The Music Man.

  • http://www.clanfield.net janiceintoronto

    Go Satanists go! This is going to be so much fun to watch. I’m really hoping the Pastafarians put on a convention in OKC too. Nothing could be better than revealing religion for what it really is, silly nonsense.

  • raven

    at the furious reaction from the local faithful, especially the Catholic Church, which is absolutely raging about what is now a sold-out event.

    I absolutely don’t see why.

    In xian mythology, god, jesus, the Holy Spook, the Angels, Mary, the Saints, the New Apostles of Rick Joyner, and the priests and ministers are all very powerful in the supernatural realm. They should simply gather together all their power and send satan away. Even my cat could do this!!!

    If the Catholic church isn’t as powerful as an old, overweight cat that sleeps on the windowsill, why belong to it and send them money?

  • raven

    I’m not too impressed with a Balck Mass.

    It’s trite and clichey. It’s been done at least in movies and novels. It’s derivative and unimaginative.

    If you are going to do a satanic ceremony, at least show some imagination and make something interesting up. This is exactly what the religions do. All those stunning and expensive European cathedrals with their art were designed with this in mind in the era before laser light shows, rock concerts, and IMAX theaters.

  • raven

    Coakley has also asked his parishes to conclude each Mass with a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel (who, if you remember your Sunday School lessons, defeated Satan and flung him back to Earth in the Book of Revelations)

    Which hasn’t happened yet!!!

    Revelation is a outline of the future. If it already happened, no one noticed it. And we would be living in the post-Apocalypse universe.

    1. As already mentioned, the RCC and priests have given this Black Mass an enormous amount of free publicity. I recall vaguely that this guy did it once before and no one came.

    2. I wonder how much hate mail and death threats he has gotten. Or worse. Xians can be reliably violent.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    raven @10:

    I think he’s confusing Revelation with the Fall of Satan (which is extra-biblical). That’s where the story of the Archangel Saint Michael defeating Satan and casting him in the pit is told. Saint Michael isn’t even mentioned by name in Revelation.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    …a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies…

    Note that it’s potluck. I got the first one. Who’s bringing the second?

  • doublereed

    But still, fuck the satanists and their juvenile, idiotic displays of ostentatious anti-religious hysteria.

    My understanding is that the Black Mass is a big celebration of freedom and fun. What makes you think it’s juvenile and idiotic?

  • busterggi

    I’m still trying to figure out the difference between a Satanic mass & all those Protestant & Mormon masses. At heart they’re all mockeries of the RCC mass.

  • lldayo

    I don’t suppose anyone on this site that’s near the event could dress up as the modern day devil in a tuxedo, pull up to it in a limo and walk to the doors on a red carpet?

  • dingojack

    MO –

    … a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies…”

    “Note that it’s potluck. I got the first one”.

    Clean-up on aisle one… clean-up on aisle one please

    Dingo

  • raven

    I don’t suppose anyone on this site that’s near the event could dress up as the modern day devil in a tuxedo, pull up to it in a limo and walk to the doors on a red carpet?

    Don’t forget the cape. The devil always wears a long black cape.

    Given that his is Oklahoma and xians, that could be a dangerous acting job. I think you need to provide a retinue of bodyguards as well. Dress them up as demons.

    Religion used show business before show business even existed.

  • raven

    I think you need to provide a retinue of bodyguards as well. Dress them up as demons.

    That would work. But this is Hollywood style entertainment. Dress them up as WWE wrestlers.

    This satanist really needs the help of some good script writers and dramatists. It could be done with Kickstarter.

  • lldayo

    I’d donate a few bucks to get something started.

    raven, did you actually reply to yourself?

  • daved

    The Rev. Don Wolf of St. Eugene Catholic Church says that the event—a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies, but which Daniels has said will be toned-down to comply with local decency laws—could evoke the actual Devil himself into making an appearance.

    Ted Cruz is going to be there?

  • raven

    Ted Cruz is going to be there?

    Yes, at least in spirit.

    Darth Cheney should make an appearance as well, dressed as a Sith Lord.

    Forget the Black Mass, This is the 21st century for Cthulhu’s sake!!! With some crowd sourcing, script writers, dramatists and whatever this guy could come up with a show that makes the Black Mass look like the antique relict it is. (Hmm, speaking of Cthulhu….).

    Two of the most advanced fields in the 21st century are advertising and Hollywood style mass media entertainment. This is the era of 200 cable TV channels and Youtube cat videos. If Sarah Palin and Pat Robertson can have their own TV channels, then the satanists could have their own TV channel or at the least, a reality TV show.

    It’s just screaming, “Go for it!!!”

  • anubisprime

    In America…in the bible belt and above all in Oklahoma a black mass is a sold out event…

    That is just so precious!…Ed chill man, you gotta give them their due…that takes cojones the size of the Liberty bell… tis great entertainment!

  • cconti

    I personally think the Satanists (of which there are several different flavors) could be the best allies of the secular movement when it comes to displaying the hypocrisy of the christian privilege in government and other areas.

    Let’s face it, a “Humanist Invocation” may upset some folks, but in many cases they’ll give us the 5 minutes and they are done for the year. The rest can all be christians.

    But when the Satanic Temple (which happens to be run by atheists and humanists if you read between the lines) asks for the same forum or the same privilege it makes a far bigger impression while remaining just as legal.

    Look at the distribution of books in that school district in florida. Eventually they gave the local atheist a bench to distribute their books, knowing that by doing so they would be thus allowed to distribute christian books with a clear conscience, but now that the satanists are involved, grab the popcorn and watch.

    I think it just makes for a much more compelling argument and it takes away the usual trope “what do the atheists believe in”. Well, here come the satanists, any questions?

  • doublereed

    That would work. But this is Hollywood style entertainment. Dress them up as WWE wrestlers.

    Luchadores!!!

  • eric

    @23 – these guys are not the Satanic Temple and, as far as I can tell, there’s pretty much no first amendment freedom of religion problem they are ‘solving’ here. They were granted the right to do it by the city months ago, and the city has not caved to private interest pressure. The governor herself publicly defended their first amendment right to do it. There’s no State privilege to Christians being shown here that needs to be shot down.

    Now maybe they have a sincere interest in sharing their religious ritual with outsiders. That’s their line and they’re sticking to it. But it sure looks like a ‘getting in your face just to tick you off’ stunt to me.

  • Dark Jaguar

    Satan’s a weird guy. I mean, sure the biblical depiction of god is evil by any decent moral standard, but I don’t get why people try to “ironically” flock to Satan’s band wagon. The biblical depictions of Satan are just as bad! God “allowed” Job to be tested, but it’s Satan that actually went and did it, because Satan is a Carebears villian and he doesn’t believe in love or loyalty. Satan is basically the Starscream to God’s Megatron.

  • Dark Jaguar

    Also this: http://youtu.be/SxnlKkSk-hw

    That said, lots of weirdos protesting this thing too. Some of them, knowing Oklahomans as I do, probably never got the memo that Satanists don’t sacrifice pets and babies on Halloween. Specifically, some of them believe Elvis is still alive. The good news is there’s a good number that don’t think that way.

  • cconti

    @25, I am aware of that. My comment was broader than this particular instance. I enjoy this event simply for the head exploding entertainment it provides and for the irony that if the Catholic diocese did not raise such a stink no one would be even aware of it.

    What I was referring to was leveraging the shock value of satanism for other purposes such as the distribution of literature in schools, monuments on public land and so on.

  • doublereed

    @26 Dark Jaguar

    Well the advantage of talking about the bad guy is that you can say that most of the issues with him are slanderous.

    From what I gather, Satanists look to Satan as the rebel angel who went against God’s tyranny. He gave mankind the apple of knowledge, freeing their shackles. God shouldn’t get to ‘own’ you, and your body is solely your own. Satan doesn’t want to judge you. He wants you to express yourself and tolerate others for who they are.

    It sounds like they use Satan as a symbol of freedom, tolerance, and autonomy.

  • bushrat

    a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies,

    Wait, wait, wait…there’s a religion that involves peeing and naked ladies? Kinky. I think I see where the problem lies, if the Satanists were to replace pee with rape and naked ladies with underage alter boys, I’m pretty sure the Reverend would be more of a fan.

  • jnorris

    The archbishop forgot to order the Catholic Churches to hold BINGO on Saturday night. That’s one of their biggest sacraments.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    I’m quite disappointed that they will be toning it down. There are enough published sources, modern and medieval, describing what goes on at a Black Mass that they should do it the old fashioned way, then invoke Republican-passed “freedom to worship” laws at the push-back.

  • birgerjohansson

    “Satanists look to Satan as the rebel angel who went against God’s tyranny.”

    So, the satanists base their beliefs on Mike Carey’s “Lucifer” graphic novels?

    Rebel angel -Melek Taus? He was pretty cool in the “Top Ten” graphic novel.

    — — — — —

    lldayo, Raven, Doublereed

    Satan’s bodyguards should be Mexican wrestlers!

  • EnlightenmentLiberal

    As much as I find such things to be monumentally idiotic, I’m still having a good laugh at the furious reaction from the local faithful, especially the Catholic Church, which is absolutely raging about what is now a sold-out event.

    But that’s the whole point. It’s not idiotic. Move the Overton Window.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overton_window

    Also this:

    Look at the distribution of books in that school district in florida. Eventually they gave the local atheist a bench to distribute their books, knowing that by doing so they would be thus allowed to distribute christian books with a clear conscience, but now that the satanists are involved, grab the popcorn and watch.

    It’s a far more effective weapon in cases like that than mere secular humanism.