On Sept. 21, a satanic group will be holding a “black mass” at the Oklahoma City Civic Center. As much as I find such things to be monumentally idiotic, I’m still having a good laugh at the furious reaction from the local faithful, especially the Catholic Church, which is absolutely raging about what is now a sold-out event.
Wagons are being circled, tizzies are being thrown and children are being thought of in Oklahoma City, as the state’s religious leaders are urging the faithful to pray like they’ve never prayed before in preparation for the most eagerly-anticipated religious event in the history of the city—one which the Catholic Diocese of Oklahoma claims could engulf the city with satanic evil via dry ice and a bucket of fake piss…
Naturally enough, the idea of a black mass has not set well with Oklahoma’s large Catholic community—who have been working curiously hard since the previously hyper-obscure event was announced to make sure that virtually everyone in the world is aware of the horror about set to be sprung on the previously quiet and virtuous streets of Oklahoma City.
The Rev. Don Wolf of St. Eugene Catholic Church says that the event—a mockery of Catholic Communion that traditionally involves peeing and naked ladies, but which Daniels has said will be toned-down to comply with local decency laws—could evoke the actual Devil himself into making an appearance.“To engage in this is to open the window up to the presence of forces that are not to be trifled with,” Wolf told the Oklahoman.
Oklahoma Diocese Archbishop Paul Coakley has scheduled a prayer service and procession for the afternoon of the 21st, just prior to the black mass.
Coakley has also asked his parishes to conclude each Mass with a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel (who, if you remember your Sunday School lessons, defeated Satan and flung him back to Earth in the Book of Revelations) through September 29th—or the day The Music Man opens in Oklahoma City, which should be great musical fun for the whole family assuming the Civic Center isn’t engulfed by perdition’s flames.
Yeah, that’ll do it. They’re going pray to non-existent supernatural entities that they actually believe in to defeat the “demons” that the satanists putting this on don’t actually believe in. But still, fuck the satanists and their juvenile, idiotic displays of ostentatious anti-religious hysteria.