Meet My Campaign Manager, Mr. Holy Spirit

Unhinged anti-gay bigot Scott Lively is running for governor of Massachusetts as an independent, where he is expected to win literally tens of votes for the office. But he is not afraid because his campaign manager is the holy spirit itself, whose previous work was limited to making people babble in tongues and knocking up young women in ancient Palestine.

As you know, I am not running a typical election campaign. My Campaign Manager is the Holy Spirit, and He has His own plan and purposes for my run for Governor of Massachusetts.

That would be the same holy spirit, presumably, that told Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry to run for president in 2012.

First, He has told me NOT to try to make things happen in my own will and strength, but wait on Him to move others to take action on my behalf. That was the word I received while on my annual personal retreat on the Appalachian Trail this May. My personal role is limited to accepting speaking and debate invitations and media interviews, and to writing/designing literature and other advertising.

Given that Lively has the IQ of a bowling ball and the charm of an Ebola virus, it’s probably good advice that he stay as far away from his own campaign as he can.

Now we’re in the active campaign season, heading toward the November election. Again, every time I personally try to make something happen, it fails.

I’ve finally learned my lesson, I think. I am receiving many speaking and debate invitations and doing lots of media interviews, which is great, but I am also being deliberately excluded from numerous other candidate forums and debates. In my flesh I would like to contest these unfair exclusions, however, I am trusting the Lord and restraining myself.

I want God to get the glory for any good thing that comes from my effort.

So when you lose, you’ll be putting all the blame on the holy spirit, right?

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • John Pieret

    every time I personally try to make something happen, it fails

    Unfortunately, not in Uganda and Russia.

  • Kevin Kehres

    When he loses, he’s going to blame it on Satan, of course. And voter fraud.

  • Taz
  • http://tierra-de-antilopes.blogspot.com.ar/ tierra de antilopes

    I always laugh a lot at the things in this blog. Then I remember that is all real, and despair

  • corwyn

    Again, every time I personally try to make something happen, it fails.

    I can’t imagine a finer qualification for an elected executive official.

  • DonDueed

    Speaking for myself and a lot of my fellow Bay Staters, I apologize to my fellow human beings for inflicting this bozo upon you.

    He’s a horrible blot on the state that has contributed so many worthwhile people to the public sphere, from John Adams on down.

  • busterggi

    How does he get the Holey Spurt to spare the time what with all the internet sites he’s appearing on?

  • D. C. Sessions

    He’s a horrible blot on the state that has contributed so many worthwhile people to the public sphere, from John Adams on down.

    Think of him as extending the range of “on down.”

  • Randomfactor

    “That was the word I received while on my annual personal retreat on the Appalachian Trail”

    Even if this were true, doesn’t he know enough not to reference “hiking the Appalachian Trail”?

  • Loqi

    My personal role is limited to accepting speaking and debate invitations and media interviews, and to writing/designing literature and other advertising.

    Nice of him to come right out and say that all he’s doing is trying to make money off this.

  • steve78b

    I’d vote for him to be emperor or potentate or whatever he’s running for if they’d only let me out of this padded room. And take off the straitjacket and undo the leg irons and give me back my crayon. He’s my kind of guy.

    Holy Spirit moves me daily. And then I flush.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I want God to get the glory for any good thing that comes from my effort.

    Effort?

    I refuse to do anything b/c god said, “Sit back, I’m driving, enjoy the ride.”

    …is an effort???

  • http://www.facebook.com/eo.raptor.3 eoraptor

    I wonder which part of the Appalachian Trail that was; Argentina or Chile.

  • lorn

    The Holy Spirit is telling me to point and laugh.

  • dhall

    Every time these dolts says god told them to run for office, I think, wow, their deity is quite the trickster god, and has a heck of a sense of humor. As well as a mean streak.

  • Crudely Wrott

    Again, every time I personally try to make something happen, it fails.

    Gee, Scott, that sounds so respectfully religious. So, ahh, why should anyone vote for you? That is, apart from the other two aspects of the indwelling spirit?

    On reflection though, it is nice of you to come right out and say that you are unqualified for the office. I’m sure lots of voters will remember that come November. You know; Jewish voters, Muslim voters, Satanic voters, agnostic voters, atheistic voters and, ahh, voters like me.

    Bye bye, little boy. Do mind your ass when exiting, the door closes with gusto.

  • Crudely Wrott

    Hhhmmm. Clocks. How the heck do they work? My clock reads 1:14, a full two minutes before my last post.

    Dammit. Time travel is real! Thanks, Obama!

  • dingojack

    Randomfactor (#9) – that’s exactly what I thought!

    “… annual personal retreat on the Appalachian Trail …” Guffaw.

    Couldn’t he manage to attract a non blow-up female, reducing him to taking the holy spook along instead? (i.e wanking and crying in the wilderness — on second thoughts, how perfectly apt).

    Dingo