Uri Geller’s Back, Now With Twice the Bullshit

I’m sure by now you’ve heard all the stories of the new iPhones bending when people put them in their jeans and sit on them. But object-bending con man Uri Geller knows the real reason why they’re bending. And wouldn’t you know it, it all has to do with the “energy and excitement” of the owners having “awakened their mind powers.”

“There are two possible explanations,” Uri Geller, the psychic illusionist famous for bending spoons with his mind, told MarketWatch. “Either the phone is so seriously thin and flimsy that it is bendable with mere physical force, which I cannot believe given the extensive tests Apple would have done. Or — and this is far more plausible — somehow the energy and excitement of the 10 million people who purchased iPhones has awakened their mind powers and caused the phones to bend.”

Reached in England to discuss this psychic event, Geller, 67, suggested Apple make him a spokesman. “I urge Apple to hire me to explain to the world that this is not the company’s fault at all,” he said. “I don’t own an iPhone 6 — I’m loyal to my BlackBerry and would never change — but if I did I have no doubt I could bend it with my mind.”

I bet you can’t, if there are proper safeguards in place to prevent you from cheating. You know, the way James Randi showed you to be a fraud so long ago.

The iPhone is hardly the only gadget that is psychically malleable, Geller said. “I’ve bent my old BlackBerrys before — I’ll send you a picture to prove it.”

Of course, because a picture of a bent Blackberry is obviously proof that you bent it with your mind rather than with, say, pliers and such. The amazing thing is that there are people who fall for con men like this.

"Gee, i musta missed the part where Ed said it was against the constitution. Maybe ..."

Catholic School to Punish Students for ..."
"Sarah Who? Oh her... had forgotten all about that particular word salad waitress."

Palin’s Pointless Appeal
""Either she has absolute idiots for attorneys and they’re telling her she has some chance ..."

Palin’s Pointless Appeal

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • David C Brayton

    Now that’s some funny stuff.

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    — and this is far more plausible —

    You keep using that word . . . .

  • thebookofdave

    Or — and this is far more plausible — somehow the energy and excitement of the 10 million people who purchased iPhones has awakened their mind powers and caused the phones to bend

    Mind powers must reside below the waistline to bring them within iPhone-bending range. Uri should test it under his normal conditions, and with his head removed from his ass.

  • dingojack

    Yes, but do you realise the truth, there is no Ipod that bends, it is only you that bends?

    Dingo

  • alanb

    On any story about Uri Geller one should point to his appearance on The Tonight Show

  • Michael Heath

    I thought I read it’s the only bigger iPhone 6 that can be bent. So the marginal excitement only exists for the larger iPhone? Why didn’t we see this occurrence with the ‘droids of similar size as the new bigger 6?

    I have the smaller 6 on order. The bigger one seems far too big to stuff in one’s pants pocket.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Much as X-men mutant powers come from a combination of genetics and stress, magical mind powers are brought out by a combination of skinny jeans and sitting.

  • grumpyoldfart

    On the local TV News the other night a reporter took out his brand new phone, put his fingers at each end, and very gently (and very permanently) bent it. Geller’s first explanation is probably correct: the phone is seriously thin and flimsy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/charlie.cain chuck c

    I don’t always bend iPhones, but when I do, I bend them for money.

  • blf

    I have a fourth explanation (the third being chuck c‘s point about money), namely, the multiverse is bent. A rational multiverse couldn’t contain such a fraud; Ergo, it isn’t. Rational. It’s bent. Wobbling, probably, as nothing else explains USAlienstani thugs.

  • gardengnome

    I urge Apple to hire me to explain to the world that this is not the company’s fault at all,

    I bet he does – and for a six-figure consultancy fee! As if Apple hasn’t got enough self-inflicted problems now…

  • Trebuchet

    Silly me. I was thinking it just a matter of S=Mc/I, with S then exceeding the tensile yield point of the material. Of course, that’s just old Uri’s spoon-bending works too.

  • sugarfrosted

    @6 They do fit in pockets and other brands don’t bend. Apple collosally fucked this up. I can believe it did show up and they released it anyway, posting pictures of stuff that broke that they released.

    http://imgur.com/a/ziX63

    These were through normal use. The design in both cases is appalling. A thin lip, that chips with normal usage and a cord that easily frays due to the end it has enabled it to twist constantly.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Wow, that makes his 70s-era bullshit sound downright plausible.

  • http://www.respectfulinsolence.net Orac

    Not surprisingly, it turns out that the utterly unscientific “tests” that became a series of viral videos “proving” that iPhones bend easily were bullshit. Consumer Reports did bend tests on the new iPhones and fond that, while they’re not the strongest phones, they aren’t any more prone to bending than average and that the iPhone 6 Plus was actually less prone to bending than the iPhone 6.

    http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/news/2014/09/consumer-reports-tests-iphone-6-bendgate/index.htm

    Still, at least the bullshit that is “bendgate” inspired Uri Geller to make this claim that made me laugh out loud when I read it.

  • Chiroptera

    …Uri Geller, the psychic illusionist famous for bending spoons with his mind….

    Huh. I thought Uri Geller was the psychic illusionist famous for bending spoons through fraud.

  • sugarfrosted

    @15, funny thing is people are questioning whether or not those test actually disprove it. They counter that it happens near the volume buttons and not the center. Also, give then 2007-2008 macbooks exist I don’t get why that was an expected conclusion.

    https://discussions.apple.com/thread/1459098?start=0&tstart=0

  • Dark Jaguar

    I… Are we sure this isn’t a parody article? I mean REALLY sure? I mean, it’s like that “fire challenge” nonsense that kids were NOT actually taking part in a few weeks back but old people got all in a tizzy about for a bit. Then again, this is Uri Geller… Still…

  • Chris J

    iPhone bending… the power too silly for inclusion in the Avatar cartoons.