Apparently, Satan Attacked Duck Dynasty

One of the more amusing claims we hear constantly from the Christian right when they’re criticized is that they’re under attack by Satan because they’re just so brave and virtuous. Alan Roberson, one of the Duck Dynasty heirs, made that very argument at the Values Voters Summit (while wearing a camouflage shirt because you wouldn’t want to spook the deer in a suburban Virginia hotel ballroom).

Robertson said his father was a victim of a plot by “the Evil One,” who wants to “derail [his] message” about “a return to godliness,” which apparently includes waxing nostalgic about Jim Crow and smearing gays and lesbians.

“We’re talking about undergoing that change and trying to help other people see that because now you realize we’ve got generations of people in our nation that really don’t understand godliness at any level, they don’t know,” he said.

Could it be…SATAN?

httpv://youtu.be/mSBreEIONGo

"Yep. The religious Abbott right has been stalling things so far on the spurious grounds ..."

Swanson: God Will Punish Australia for ..."
"“The hypocrisy of Washington has no bounds. So many denouncing Roy Moore when they are ..."

The Vileness of Christian Right Support ..."
"The actual sin of Sodom :Now this was the sin of Sodom: She and her ..."

Swanson: God Will Punish Australia for ..."
"Just to keep things straight---I find myself losing track---Franken admitted that the photograph was a ..."

How to Think Critically About the ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • eric

    We’re talking about undergoing that change and trying to help other people see that because now you realize we’ve got generations of people in our nation that really don’t understand godliness at any level, they don’t know,” he said.

    Oh, we understand the godliness of past generations all right. We just don’t think it’s very godly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    Maybe the camouflage is for hiding from Satan. Beelzebub can’t plot against you if he can’t see you standing up for Jesus.

  • teawithbertrand

    Jesus Fucking Christ. That Values Voters thing is a parade of stupid, isn’t it? It’s like a morons-only series of TED talks.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    @3,

    At least we learned how the intruder was able to get into the White House. Most of the agents were over at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave.

  • Michael Heath

    Robertson said his father was a victim of a plot by “the Evil One,” who wants to “derail [his] message” about “a return to godliness,” which apparently includes waxing nostalgic about Jim Crow and smearing gays and lesbians.

    We shouldn’t forget the largest population Phil Robertson advocates that we mistreat, and that’s women.

  • dingojack

    Was it SATAN that forced them to wear them scary Mooslim-like beards (you know, the ones that scare the shit outta Rick ‘Sooper Geenius’ Wiles) ?

    @@

    Dingo

  • John Pieret

    Dingo, notice that Alan shaved his beard. Wiles must have tipped him off that he was being used by Obama.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    We’re talking about undergoing that change and trying to help other people see that because now you realize we’ve got generations of people in our nation that really don’t understand godliness at any level, they don’t know…

    I understood godliness at level 5, but then I missed my Saving Throw and a troll killed my character.

  • tbp1

    Besides the sheer level of stupid, the delusions of grandeur on display are something to see.

  • blf

    At least we learned how the intruder was able to get into the White House. Most of the agents were over at 1400 Pennsylvania Ave.

    Quite possibly. 1400 Pennsylvania Ave is apparently a snack(?) bar called Peacock Alley. Think cops and donut shops…

  • busterggi

    Shouldn’t have used that antique Egyptian d20, Modus.

  • cry4turtles

    They all have mammoth kahunas to entertain the notion that they have a monopoly on values. Fucking creeps.

  • eric

    his father was a victim of a plot by “the Evil One,” who wants to “derail [his] message”

    ‘Tis true. I’ve met the guy, and can tell you that Satan enjoys pina coladas, long walks on the beach, and sneaking onto the set of Duck Dynasty to pull out the odd extension cord.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    We often speculate that this or that right wing loudmouth is a phony, just spewing nonsense for the money. If there’s anyone who might actually fit that category, it’s likely to be the Robertsons. Their beard/roadies for a ’70s Southern rock band look seems to have been cooked up for their original TV show, Duck Commander, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the “men of God” routine is phoney baloney as well.

  • steve78b

    I believe him.

    Dudd Dynasty has to be the prime target for Satan.

    If’n ah wuz him, ah’d go after them duck call makers. Em duck calls got a powerful heap o’ Jesus in em.

  • http://polrant@blogspot.com democommie

    Dick Dynasty prolly scares the bejayzuz outta SATAN.

    “while wearing a camouflage shirt because…”

    Teabaggin’ Teddy Nonuggetz couldn’t make the partay?

  • noe1951

    These guys really need to work on their camouflage – I can still see them.