Relax, Folks. The Cure for Ebola is Here.

While a Natural News contributor tried to tell us that the homeopathic remedy for Ebola was to drink a tiny amount of something infected with it (that post was later pulled down), another homeopath named Peter Chappell says he has the real cure for Ebola: Violin music. And it works for other diseases as well, with a different tune effective for each malady.

If you are ill with ebola, listen to this music every 15 minutes until you are better.

For protection from ebola, listen to this music twice daily (or at least once daily) until the danger passes…

You can listen to these files using a laptop, smart phone or tablet. After full recovery they should listen once a day for at least a week to prevent relapse.

We strongly advise that PC Sound Resonances are always used direct from the on-line source because otherwise the effect is reduced. If this is not possible, make direct copies from the website but avoid copying a copy as this reduces the effectiveness further.

I don’t suppose you have any, ya know, evidence that this works? No? How incredibly shocking. But they’re equally irrelevant for a whole range of diseases:

You listen to this new booster music technology. If you have acute health problems you listen continuously and if you have long term health problems you listen one time per day. Read the listening instructions for more detailed instructions.

There is a different booster for each disease, e.g. booster4malaria, booster4tuberculosis, booster4hiv+/aids etc

These ‘boosters‘ boost your health by supporting your immune system.

Each booster has a different intelligence embedded in it. You can imagine the intelligence like instructions for your brain. When your brain receives these instructions, it knows how to boost your immune system.

Sounds totally credible. I can’t believe I ever doubted it.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • John Pieret

    I was skeptical but went to his site and discovered it wasn’t just violin music … he has drumming too! Now it all makes sense!

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    I listened to The Pogues and it cured me of boring new wave music. So maybe it’ll work on ebola, too!!

    “Here you try it and let me know how it works out for ya.”

  • D. C. Sessions

    Ed, thanks for covering this. I don’t think makes it to Orac’s threshold.

  • blf

    Possibly works. Someone across the street right now is playing French Rap — that should take care of at least three diseases right there — too loud (in other words, the system is on) — and that can probably end a major war — out of sheer desire to Get Away from the Noise.

  • dingojack

    Hey Peter Chappell –

    If you got infected with Ebola virus this would be my response. But will it cure you?!?

    Dingo

  • =8)-DX

    In this day and age, there’s actualy someone saying copying music will degrade the quality? Digital music? This dude is seriously considering people will download his music and record it onto cassette tapes via analog output?

    Dude is also strongly ignorant – any music you download will be recopied into memory multiple times and in pieces.

  • mordred

    Back when we were younger a friend of mine rid his families home of ants using music! That’s nearly the same isn’t it?

    He nearly got himself kicked out of the house too, his folks’ opinion of hard-trance techno at full blast was similar to that of the ants…

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    That’s ridiculous. It should be elevator music, like instrumental covers of Achy Breaky Heart or Mambo #5 on a loop. Granted, it also kills the patient, but that’s a small price to pay to save the patient.

  • dhall

    Wonder if this guy would be willing to infect himself with Ebola and then try his cure on himself. You know, to see if he has confidence in his own bullshit.

  • garnetstar

    Why are you all criticizing this guy? His recommendation, as stated, is exactly correct.

    If you are ill with Ebola, listen to this music until you feel better, or until the danger passes. Since you will eventually feel better, or else you’ll be past the danger because you’re dead, this will work perfectly.

  • grumpyoldfart

    How many patients is he allowed to kill before the authorities get involved?

  • Alverant

    I prefer New Age music myself. Just the music not the silly mojo. A few hours of Arkenstone and/or Medwyn Goodall and I feel better, at least a bit rested.

  • mikeymeitbual

    I cracked up about “you need to make sure you get an original copy from the website because copies lose their effectiveness”.

    Not only are these goofballs clueless about all matters health-related, they think copying bits is like copying analog tape.

  • thebookofdave

    This dude is seriously considering people will download his music and record it onto cassette tapes via analog output?

    It should be obvious: an nth generation digital copy will have the exact same effect as the original. Seriously, what was he thinking? However, if you were one of the lucky few to have hung onto one of those old-timey cassette decks, then do make copies of copies. If violin music can cure disease, imagine what homeopathic violins can do!

  • caseloweraz

    We strongly advise that PC Sound Resonances are always used direct from the on-line source because otherwise the effect is reduced. If this is not possible, make direct copies from the website but avoid copying a copy as this reduces the effectiveness our profits further.

    FTFY.

  • caseloweraz

    Very insipid violin music. It’s more likely IMO to drive out ebonics speakers than to cure ebola sufferers.

  • dingojack

    Dunno if it will kill Ebolavirus, but for better or worse, a little caprice.

    Dingo

  • macallan

    I listened to The Pogues and it cured me of not wanting another drink.

  • Pingback: A cure for herpes? | Herpes Survival Kit()

  • Mobius

    But, but, but…

    Water has memory (or so they say) so why wouldn’t air have memory as well? So shouldn’t the air remember the violin music? And since diluting the water doesn’t effect the memory, shouldn’t the air spreading out through the atmosphere not effect the memory of the music?

    So, er…logically…, shouldn’t the effect of the music be available to everyone already? And no one should have Ebola since it would already be cured?

    Hmmmmm…something isn’t right here. Just can’t put my finger on it.

  • enki23

    Not forsythia?

  • Funny Diva

    thebookofdave @14

    homeopathic violins…

    I LOL’d…

    Where would you like me to send your internet? Color preference?

  • thebookofdave

    Where would you like me to send your internet?

    Thanks, Funny Diva. Potentize it with spam to 20C strength, and send it COD to Peter Chappell.