Fox News Psychiatrist Calls for ‘American Jihad’

Keith Ablow, the monumentally ridiculous Fox News psychiatrist who has the superpower of being able to diagnose his political enemies without ever having met them, has a new column calling for an “American jihad” to implement our constitution in every country around the world.

Among the many definitions of jihad are a “war or struggle against unbelievers” and “a crusade for a principle or belief.” Given those definitions, I believe it’s time for an American jihad.

An American jihad would reawaken in American citizens the certain knowledge that our Constitution is a sacred document that better defines and preserves the liberty and autonomy of human beings than the charter of any other nation on earth.

Really? Are you sure? Have you compared our Constitution to the constitutions of other democratic countries around the world? Of course you haven’t. You’re just spouting cliches. And if our constitution is so “sacred,” why have we amended it so many times? And since it was created by human beings with the use of reason and the senses alone, as John Adams said, how could it possibly be “sacred”?

The Constitution, along with the miracle of our nation’s founding and the providential history of America fighting and winning war after war against oppressive regimes, proves our manifest destiny not only to preserve our borders and safety and national character at home, but to spread around the world our love of individual freedom and insist on its reflection in every government.

Total list of wars America has fought and won with “oppressive regimes”: Hmmmm. World War 2, but we were hardly alone. And we were fighting alongside one of the most oppressive regimes in the world, the Soviet Union, in that war, so it wasn’t a war against oppressive regimes, it was a war against aggressive regimes that threatened our interests (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but don’t pretend that the war was against oppression; it wasn’t). Would you like me to list all the oppressive regimes we’ve installed and supported around the world? It might take a while.

We would tie American aid to incremental changes not just in the attitudes, but in the fundamental structures, of countries. These changes would move those countries, slowly but inexorably, toward reflecting our Constitution in their own charters. We would unabashedly fund pro-democracy movements around the world, partly with government funding and partly with donations from American citizens. Through these donations we would seek to double the budgets of the CIA and our Special Forces, seek to fund an international mercenary force for good and provide our veterans unparalleled health care.

You mean….socialist health care?

We would urge our leaders, after their service in the U.S. Senate and Congress, to seek dual citizenship in other nations, like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany, and work to influence those nations to adopt laws very much like our own. We might even fund our leaders’ campaigns for office in these other nations.

We would accept the fact that an American jihad could mean boots on the ground in many places in the world where human rights are being denigrated and horrors are unfolding. Because wherever leaders and movements appear that seek to trample upon the human spirit, we have a God-given right to intervene — because we have been to the mountaintop of freedom, and we have seen the Promised Land spanning the globe.

Seriously. I’m not going to bother quoting any more of this. Ablow is fucking warped.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=701394965 patrickashton

    The Constitution, along with the miracle of our nation’s founding and the providential history of America fighting and winning war after war against oppressive regimes, proves our manifest destiny not only to preserve our borders and safety and national character at home, but to spread around the world our love of individual freedom and insist on its reflection in every government.

    Isn’t it because we fought and won our independence that we hold our Constitution so dear? So wouldn’t imposing it on others by force produce exactly the opposite effect?

  • Chiroptera

    And we were fighting alongside one of the most oppressive regimes in the world, the Soviet Union, in that war, so it wasn’t a war against oppressive regimes….

    Not to mention that we were also fighting along side Western European “democracies” that nonetheless were maintaining global empires in which the majority of subjects had no say in how they were being abused and oppressed. (Sorry, Europeans.) Even more so in WWI.

    In fact, the US only got into WWII because Japan attacked the abused and oppressed US colonies of Hawaii and the Philippines.

    Yeah, it’s always been kind of hard for me to see WWI and WWII as “wars in favor of democracy,” even admitting that in the end it just happened that democracy was in better shape afterwards than it would have been had the Allies lost.

  • raven

    Ablow is fucking warped.

    True. Although he could be…delusional. At least he is on Fox NoNews rather than treating patients.

    …The Constitution, along with the miracle of our nation’s founding and the providential history of America fighting and winning war after war against oppressive regimes,

    Miracle of our nations founding??? It actually took a lot of money, ships, and people. Plus all but wiping out the Native Americans and taking their land and then fighting a war with the Colonial power, Great Britain.

    Winning war after war against oppressive regimes? Oh really? The War of 1812 was a draw, so was the Korean war, we flat out lost the Vietnam war, we cut and ran in Lebanon and Somalia, and Iraq was and still is a counterproductive disaster. To be fair, we did OK with Grenada and Panama.

  • http://tierra-de-antilopes.blogspot.com.ar/ tierra de antilopes

    Boots in the ground “where human rights are being denigrated and horrors are unfolding”… Does that mean that they are just going to stay in Amurika?

  • eric

    Through these donations we would seek to double the budgets of the CIA and our Special Forces, seek to fund an international mercenary force

    Yeah, because people love us and want to be more like us when we use the CIA, our Special Forces, and mercenaries to change their political structure. What could possibly go wrong?

  • dingojack

    Well, come on Wall Street, don’t move slow,

    Why man, this is war au-go-go.

    There’s plenty good money to be made

    By supplying the Army with the tools of the trade,

    Just hope and pray that if they drop the bomb,

    They drop it on the Viet Cong.

    And it’s one, two, three,

    What are we fighting for ?

    Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,

    Next stop is Vietnam.

    And it’s five, six, seven,

    Open up the pearly gates,

    Well there ain’t no time to wonder why

    Whoopee! we’re all gonna die. “

    Fixing to Die Rag. Country Joe & the Fish.

    Nice to see the philosophy is still going strong.

    @@

    Dingo

  • John Pieret

    to spread around the world our love of individual freedom and insist on its reflection in every government

    Yeah, nothing spreads love of individual freedom like jihads!

    seek to fund an international mercenary force for good

    Because we all know mercenaries are all about doing good, right Blackwater?

    We might even fund our leaders’ campaigns for office in these other nations.

    I’m sure France, Italy, Sweden, Argentina, Brazil and Germany would be grateful to have American politicians running their countries.

    Ablow is fucking warped

    I think you are being generous, Ed.

  • eric

    We would urge our leaders, after their service in the U.S. Senate and Congress, to seek dual citizenship in other nations, like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany, and work to influence those nations to adopt laws very much like our own

    As much as I would like to send Palin to Argentina or somewhere equally far away, I don’t think the Argentinians would thank us for it. Though maybe she can promote the idea of “hyper term limits,” where one is forced to leave office before their term is up.

    Secondly, of all the countries that you could’ve picked as examples of places that need the benefits of democracy, you picked those? You’re totally cool with Saudi Arabia’s form of government, but those Swedes need some colonialist democratization, stat!

  • raven

    …We would accept the fact that an American jihad could mean boots on the ground in many places in the world where human rights are being denigrated and horrors are unfolding.

    Does he have any idea how much it would cost to invade and make all other nations clones of the USA? I’m guessing, several times the world GDP.

    Especially those oppressive regimes …”like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany,…” These are first world countries with first world militaries. One of them, France is a nuclear power as are 7 of the rest. His New American Jihad would last until the first mushroom clouds appear over what were once US cities.

  • colnago80

    Re raven @ #3

    Well, we did defeat Spain in 1898.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Would you like me to list all the oppressive regimes we’ve installed and supported around the world?

    Yes, but those were all for Freedom!

     

    seek to fund an international mercenary force for good

    “It’s like the UN’s forces, you see, but with murder.”

  • lorn

    Great … make war on everybody not exactly like us … for freedom of course.

    I suppose everyone will naturally see it our way, consider our aggression as helpful correction from a paternally helpful nation, accept this as defacto proof they need correction, and met us at the gates with salt and bread, hugs and kisses.

    Of course it will all go down that way.

  • shouldbeworking

    “We would urge our leaders, after their service in the U.S. Senate and Congress, to seek dual citizenship in other nations, like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany, and work to influence those nations to adopt laws very much like our own.”

    Ablow is merely copying Canada’s plan. Why do you think you now have Ted Cruz in your Congress? Damn copycats!

  • theguy

    This guy must have a very short attention span. “Spreading democracy” was one of the excuses for the Iraq War, after it became clear that Saddam didn’t have substantial involvement with 9/11 and that there were no WMD’s.

    In that war, the U.S had 4,491 casualties, not counting other coalition casualties, civilian casualties, etc. How many Americans would have to die for Ablow to get his war on?

  • scienceavenger

    I can hear the laughter from Western Europe from here.

  • Die Anyway

    Dingo @6…

    Gimme an “F”

    Gimme a “U”…

    Ahh, a trip down memory lane. One of my favorite songs ever.

    But maybe John Fogarty got it right in the end: It’s Deja Vu all over again.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Keith Ablow […] has a new column calling for an “American jihad” to implement our constitution in every country around the world.

    Well, at least the good parts. Keep the “3/5” but skip the crap about rights. In fact, never mind those “amendment” things.

  • daved

    How’s about we get around to implementing the Constitution here, first? I mean, a lot of the amendments, in particular, seem to have fallen by the wayside lately. Mostly in the name of the “War on Terror,” and/or “The War on Drugs.”

  • dingojack

    I mean, a lot of the amendments, in particular, seem to have fallen by the wayside lately. Mostly in the name of the “War on Terror,” and/or “The War on Drugs [Insert name of convenient distraction here]

    FIFY.

    Dingo

  • D. C. Sessions

    Does he have any idea how much it would cost to invade and make all other nations clones of the USA?

    Operation Iraqui Freedom proved that Wars of Nation Building can pay for themselves.

  • Nick Gotts

    Not that things are exactly peachy over here in Yurp, but none of our constitutions have yet produced the kind of logjam that has paralysed the American political system in recent years; experience has shown that it is possible to launch a new political party with some hope of success if you don’t like the ones on offer; and I don’t think any member of the EU except Hungary* has allowed gerrymandering on the American scale.

    *Hungary seems to be going the way of Russia – keep the formal electoral trappings of democracy, but crank up the nationalism to near-fascist levels, crush any form of civil society that could challenge the ruling party, and fix the electoral system to ensure its permanent rule.

  • moarscienceplz

    seek to fund an international mercenary force for good

    Ummm, if they are so good, why are they mercenaries? Shouldn’t they fight purely for Truth, Justice, and the American Way?

  • Nemo

    I can almost agree with him on one point: It would be nice to see U.S. foreign aid go towards advancing democracy, instead of propping up horror shows like Saudi Arabia.

  • theignored

    Holy shit. How in the name of hell did that fuckwit ever get a degree in psychiatry? Can’t they strip it from him if he is this crazy?

  • kevinalexander

    Can’t you just picture the good ol’ boys from Texis riding at them furriners , six guns a blazin’, yellin’ GEEEEHAAD!!

  • caseloweraz

    The Constitution, along with the miracle of our nation’s founding and the providential history of America fighting and winning war after war against oppressive regimes, proves our manifest destiny not only to preserve our borders and safety and national character at home, but to spread around the world our love of individual freedom and insist on its reflection in every government.

    Yes, we love and respect individual freedom, That’s why we’ve invaded your country and why we insist you must live as we do.

    Shorter Keith Ablow: “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert their people to Christianity.” (Yes, I’m quoting Ann Coulter.)

  • caseloweraz

    @Dingojack:

    I was thinking of Creedence Clearwater Revival:

    Some folks are born made to wave the flag

    Ooo, they’re red, white and blue;

    And when the band plays “Hail to the Chief”

    Ooo, they point the cannon at you…

  • caseloweraz

    We would tie American aid to incremental changes not just in the attitudes, but in the fundamental structures, of countries. These changes would move those countries, slowly but inexorably, toward reflecting our Constitution in their own charters. We would unabashedly fund pro-democracy movements around the world, partly with government funding and partly with donations from American citizens. Through these donations we would seek to double the budgets of the CIA and our Special Forces, seek to fund an international mercenary force for good and provide our veterans unparalleled health care.

    “Fund an international mercenary force for good” — WTF? Or did he misspell “God”?

    And while he’s doung all this, no doubt he would balance the budget and eliminate the federal debt. I mean, cutting government spending is a thing Fox talking heads advocate, amirite?

    BTW: The Young Turks does a number on Ablow in their 29 October show.

  • dhall

    He sounds like a much more delusional Woodrow Wilson getting us into WWI for that spread the democracy and the American way crap.

  • freehand

    Through these donations we would seek to double the budgets of the CIA and our Special Forces, seek to fund an international mercenary force for good and provide our veterans unparalleled health care.

    .

    I am sitting here, poleaxed, trying to wrap my mind around the insanity that would allow somebody to say “international mercenary force for good”.

    .

    A man with a degree in psychiatry who has absolutely no ability to imagine how others would see this. This is, I think, part of the cognitive package that allows introspection.

    .

    O would some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us.

    Robert Burns, Poem “To a Louse” – verse 8

  • lpetrich

    When UK Prime Minister David Cameron visits, will Keith Ablow explain to him how the UK ought to dump its monarchy and dump its Westminster system in favor of a US strong-president system?

    Or when German Chancellor Angela Merkel visits, will he explain to her how Germany ought to have the Bundestag be single-district only without proportional representation?

    Or when French President François Hollande visits, will he explain to him how France ought to have an Electoral College instead of direct election of the President with a runoff election?

    What does he think about the Constitution that General Douglas MacArthur helped write for Japan? He decided that something inspired by the UK system was more appropriate.

  • kevinalexander

    I’m right now reading Enlightenment 2.0 by Joseph Heath. He makes an interesting point that the US system, although one of the first, is not copied by anyone else in the world because it’s so dysfunctional. It works(?) in such a way that, no matter who you vote for, the same shit gets in power.