Keith Ablow, the monumentally ridiculous Fox News psychiatrist who has the superpower of being able to diagnose his political enemies without ever having met them, has a new column calling for an “American jihad” to implement our constitution in every country around the world.
Among the many definitions of jihad are a “war or struggle against unbelievers” and “a crusade for a principle or belief.” Given those definitions, I believe it’s time for an American jihad.
An American jihad would reawaken in American citizens the certain knowledge that our Constitution is a sacred document that better defines and preserves the liberty and autonomy of human beings than the charter of any other nation on earth.
Really? Are you sure? Have you compared our Constitution to the constitutions of other democratic countries around the world? Of course you haven’t. You’re just spouting cliches. And if our constitution is so “sacred,” why have we amended it so many times? And since it was created by human beings with the use of reason and the senses alone, as John Adams said, how could it possibly be “sacred”?
The Constitution, along with the miracle of our nation’s founding and the providential history of America fighting and winning war after war against oppressive regimes, proves our manifest destiny not only to preserve our borders and safety and national character at home, but to spread around the world our love of individual freedom and insist on its reflection in every government.
Total list of wars America has fought and won with “oppressive regimes”: Hmmmm. World War 2, but we were hardly alone. And we were fighting alongside one of the most oppressive regimes in the world, the Soviet Union, in that war, so it wasn’t a war against oppressive regimes, it was a war against aggressive regimes that threatened our interests (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but don’t pretend that the war was against oppression; it wasn’t). Would you like me to list all the oppressive regimes we’ve installed and supported around the world? It might take a while.
We would tie American aid to incremental changes not just in the attitudes, but in the fundamental structures, of countries. These changes would move those countries, slowly but inexorably, toward reflecting our Constitution in their own charters. We would unabashedly fund pro-democracy movements around the world, partly with government funding and partly with donations from American citizens. Through these donations we would seek to double the budgets of the CIA and our Special Forces, seek to fund an international mercenary force for good and provide our veterans unparalleled health care.
You mean….socialist health care?
We would urge our leaders, after their service in the U.S. Senate and Congress, to seek dual citizenship in other nations, like France and Italy and Sweden and Argentina and Brazil and Germany, and work to influence those nations to adopt laws very much like our own. We might even fund our leaders’ campaigns for office in these other nations.
We would accept the fact that an American jihad could mean boots on the ground in many places in the world where human rights are being denigrated and horrors are unfolding. Because wherever leaders and movements appear that seek to trample upon the human spirit, we have a God-given right to intervene — because we have been to the mountaintop of freedom, and we have seen the Promised Land spanning the globe.
Seriously. I’m not going to bother quoting any more of this. Ablow is fucking warped.