‘Coach’ Dave Thinks Churches Aren’t Engaged in Politics

“Coach” Dave Daubenmire inhabits quite a fascinating world. Responding to the now-withdrawn subpoenas of Houston churches, he bizarrely blames those churches for it because they haven’t fought on God’s side in culture war battles — ignoring the fact that this only happened because they tried to stop an anti-discrimination law in Houston and filed a lawsuit to prevent it.

America’s pastors have become so heavenly minded that they are of no earthly good. If the devil and his minions are not interested in controlling the world, why is it that everywhere I look…our money, government buildings, entertainment…I see symbols of their Luciferian activities?

Why is the devil so interested in controlling THIS world if the Gospel is only about the next world? Why did Jesus call us the salt of the earth and the light of the world if the Gospel has no relevance to the battle for Truth raging in THIS world?

Better yet, how can a lesbian get elected to the highest office in the city of Houston in the first place? If we are “not of this world” what does it matter? If the pastors in Houston are so hell-bent on following Romans 13, then why would they object to turning over copies of their sermons? Come on girls, turn over the evidence. Uncle Sam wants to see what you have been saying about him.

I don’t know why they are worried. Most of them have not said a damn thing about lesbianism and the frontal assault on Christianity the homosexuals have been engaged in for the last three decades. How do I know? The mayor ran as an “out and proud” lesbian and got elected. Why would the pastors be surprised when she swings the strong sword of government against her enemies?

The barn door can no longer be closed. The homosexuals own the barn.

It’s just the beginning, girls. They are coming for your churches.

You didn’t stand up when prayer and Bible reading were removed from the schools. You didn’t fight when they legalized the murder of the unborn. You remained silent when homosexual sodomy was legalized and force fed to your children. You offered nary a peep when our Constitutional rights to free speech and privacy were suspended in the name of security. You blathered on about how “it will be a cold day in hell when they force me to marry homosexuals.”

Better get your ear muffs and long underwear out; things are beginning to cool off.

They are going to make you marry homosexuals. They are going to throw you in jail and seize your church if you don’t. The devil and his kids do not play fair…they play dirty. You’re going to experience first-hand whether or not you will avoid “the wrath” you assured us we would not have to endure.

He certainly isn’t living in the same world the rest of us live in if he thinks Christians didn’t throw tantrums over every single one of those things he lists.

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  • D. C. Sessions

    He also doesn’t seem to have a clear distinction between City and Federal governments.

  • cptdoom

    Ironically, if the “Christians” had not complained, and bitterly, about each of those changes, particularly the move to equality for LGBT citizens, the arguments in favor of those changes might never have been so widely promulgated as they have been. Sure LGBT citizens took a lot of setbacks, but every single Amendment fight, from Prop 6 in CA in 1978 to MN’s Amendment 1 in 2012, and every single fight over the kind of anti-discrimination laws passed in Houston, has allowed gay, lesbian and trans citizens to identify and introduce ourselves to our families, coworkers and neighbors and that is what, ultimately, changes minds.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    You offered nary a peep when our Constitutional rights to free speech and privacy were suspended in the name of security.

    [Statement valid only during Democratic presidencies]

     

    You remained silent when homosexual sodomy was legalized and force fed to your children.

    “Aw, mom! Homosexual sodomy again?! We just had it for dinner yesterday!”

    “You hush and eat your scissoring!”

  • shadowwalkyr

    It’s like hearing a three-year old explain the plot of Star Wars. Entirely adorable and completely incoherent.

  • Dave Maier

    “If the devil and his minions are not interested in controlling the world, why is it that everywhere I look…our money, government buildings, entertainment…I see symbols of their Luciferian activities?”

    Wait, don’t tell me, I know this one …

  • cottonnero

    Wow, he really thinks that he’s going to be forced to gay-marry. I thought that was just in the Onion.

  • matty1

    Why does he seem to think (and I use the term loosely) that ‘girls’ is an insult?

  • John Pieret

    Why does he seem to think (and I use the term loosely) that ‘girls’ is an insult?

    Probably because that’s what he called his players when they didn’t injure a sufficient number of the opponent’s players.

  • John Pieret

    cottonnero:

    Wow, he really thinks that he’s going to be forced to gay-marry. I thought that was just in the Onion.

    That was my first thought too. You don’t suppose the Onion watches his podcasts for ideas, do you?

  • dhall

    Coach, why would anyone want to force anyone else to marry you? Precisely who would be the victim in such a coerced arrangement?

  • howardhershey

    Forced gay marriage? Well the Judeo-Christian God himself ordered forced heterosexual marriage to virigins captured in war after God’s own soldiers put the rest of their family to death. [Numbers 31.] And, after paying a bride price, forced marriage to one’s rapist is O.K. with God too. [Deuteronomy 22] But those were heterosexual forced marriages, which is O.K. I guess. And ISL and Boko Haram also see nothing wrong with the Judeo-Christian God’s rules for forced marriage either.

  • busterggi

    “lesbianism and the frontal assault on Christianity”

    I admit I’d watch that movie

  • matty1

    @12 It’s not a movie it’s the first website to make the Index Librorum Prohibitorum

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=730511544 billdaniels

    If forced gay-marrying happens I got dibs on Jake Gyllenhall.

    I don’t understand how people like the Coach can incessantly scream that they have been silenced.

  • dingojack

    But ‘Coach’, what about the ‘friendly reach-around assault on Christianity from the HomoButtSeks Lobby’?!?

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    If the devil and his minions are not interested in controlling the world, why is it that everywhere I look…our money, government buildings, entertainment…I see symbols of their Luciferian activities?

    My guess would be some kind of undiagnosed mental illness.

    Perhaps the ‘Devil’ is one of those wives. You know:

    There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

    So much idiocy, so little time.

    @@

    Dingo

  • escuerd

    cottonnero @6:

    Wow, he really thinks that he’s going to be forced to gay-marry. I thought that was just in the Onion.

    I think he means that pastors will be forced to marry gay couples. It’s still stupid, but at a slightly more comprehensible level of stupidity.

  • pickwick

    escuerd, THAT makes more sense! I read it the other way, too; thanks for decoding it.

    It’s more than a little depressing that people who believe very similar things were elected to our government last night.