Glenn Beck is Going to Act Again

Fresh on the heels of the smashing success of his man on the moon show last year, which set a standard for wingnut drama that is the envy of high school theater programs everywhere, Glenn Beck is now going to dress up as a 90 year old man from the future to tell people the story of how religious freedom died in 2014 and the country is now an atheist hellhole.

As Beck explained, he’ll be made up to appear as a decrepit and disheveled ninety-year-old man who lives alone in an abandoned warehouse in post-apocalyptic wasteland in which religion has been outlawed. Secreted away among his belongings, Beck revealed, will be a tattered copy of the Bible, which is now contraband and which merely possessing is enough to get him killed.

And it all began, future Beck will warn, when city officials in Houston, Texas, issued subpoenas to five local pastors in response to a lawsuit filed by anti-gay activists in an effort to overturn the city’s nondiscrimination ordinance in 2014.

He will then complain that he was robbed of an Oscar by those liberal Jews who run Hollywood.

httpv://youtu.be/Ua2eG_AMvQ4

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  • Pierce R. Butler

    Wouldn’t he get better ratings by portraying a gutsy, yet sexy, teen rebel against this Heathen World Order?

  • raven

    Fresh on the heels of the smashing success of his man on the moon show last year, …

    That seemed to be relentlessly hyped for months. Then when it happened, no one paid any attention or seems to know…what actually happened.

    All I remember is that it was held in the Mormon Vatican City, Salt Lake City. That guarantees Beck a crowd of wild eyed, right wing Mormons but that is about it.

  • grumpyoldfart

    The gays say “boo” and god disappears! Not much of a god really.

  • raven

    …in which religion has been outlawed.

    We are moving up in the right wing xian pantheon of groups to hate.

    They really have to reshuffle their hate and fear targets now that gay hate is running down.

    It’s going to be atheists, Moslems, public schools, and maybe nonwhites.

    Beck revealed, will be a tattered copy of the Bible,…

    ??? Now just where is his Book of Mormon? Beck doesn’t very often emphasize that he isn’t actually a xian but is a Mormon.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    raven “??? Now just where is his Book of Mormon? Beck doesn’t very often emphasize that he isn’t actually a xian but is a Mormon.”

    At long as he’s aiming at Them, he’s close enough to be Us.

  • John Pieret

    This news just in …

    William Shakespeare’s coffin just started spinning wildly and appears to be drilling its way to the center of the Earth.

  • dingojack

    Mr Bek is going to dress-up as ‘a decrepit and dishevelled ninety-year-old man’? Now he’s just dialling it in.

    :) Dingo

  • dmcclean

    Sun Expected to Rise in the East

  • leskimopie

    You mean on the heels of God is Not Dead, since this is also based on a stupid conservative chain email?

  • dan4

    @3: Huh? Incoherentoldfart is more like it.

  • tbp1

    That’s an insult to high school drama programs everywhere. Certainly in MY high school he would have been lucky to be cast as second understudy to Fourth Nameless Swordholder in the Back Row in Camelot.

  • dingojack

    Dan – I see you still haven’t got around to treating that reading comprehension problem.

    Dingo

  • dan4

    @12: How can I “comprehend” grumpyoldfart’s comment when it is incomprehensible? It plays like a “written” equivalent of Tourette’s Syndrome.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    As Beck explained, he’ll be made up to appear as a decrepit and disheveled ninety-year-old man…

    So, is he going to be depicted as having grey hair, a pudgy physique, and a stupid looking flannel shirt beneath a black pin-striped vest? And then start rambling incoherent nonsense about the kids these days and how politics was so much better before the blacks ruined it?

  • howardhershey

    Hasn’t this been done already? _The Book of Eli_?

  • John Pieret

    dan4:

    It may be “telegraphed” but it is hardly incomprehensible. Blech is going to claim that religious freedom dies in 2014 because the gay mayor of Houston (not really, but that’s part of the joke) subpoenaed records concerning the actions of pastors raising petitions asking for a referendum to reverse a local ordinance extending anti-discrimination protection to gays, in a lawsuit brought by those pastors against the city because it refused to accept those suspect petitions. Hence, “religious freedom” (i.e. “god”) dies in the face of gays going “boo.” I’ll leave it up to the reader if grumpyoldfart’s statement is funny but it is hardly impossible to understand.

  • Nemo

    I actually liked The Book of Eli, but I think I’ll pass on this remake.

  • dan4

    @16: If that was grumpyoldfart’s intent, then he should have written “religious freedom disappears,” not “God disappears.” The two things don’t really mean the same thing.

  • felidae

    Is this Beck’s take on Mel Brooks 2000 year old man sketch?

  • vmanis1

    I would find it more inspiring if Mr Beck decided to tackle the title role in a revival of “Mame”.

  • Electric Shaman

    dan4, with all due respect flailing about and doubling down in response to people pointing out your mistakes makes you look even more foolish than just humbly accepting defeat and silently moving on with your life.

  • John Pieret

    dan4:

    Next time grumpyoldfart says two things that don’t really mean the same thing, just call the humor police. After all, they are always hanging around here trying to nab Modus … but he,/i> keeps giving them the slip!

  • dan4

    @21: *shrugs* I stand by my comment @18.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dan4 “I stand by my comment @18.”

    No you don’t! Now you’re standing way down here, by comments 22 and 24!

  • dingojack

    Dan – seriously, seek help.

    Dingo

  • blf

    Teh Gay says “boo!” and magic sky faeries depart.

    With no magic sky faeries any more, that leaves only the FSM to mindlessly follow / completely ignore / exchange presents on arbitrary days (delete as appropriate).

    Except it means dressing up as pirates and eating pasta, which, ah…

    …er, what, exactly, is the problem, dan4?

    Tomato and Anchovy sauce cause a rash or something?

  • Anri

    Well, dan4, everyone else here seems to have understood @3 just fine.

    You might wanna ask yourself if that is a problem with everyone else, or just you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=153100784 Michael Brew

    Oh, come now, let poor Dan4 alone. I’m sure he’s been embarrassed enough that he’s apparently incapable of comprehending relatively straight-forward snark.