I Hereby Dub Matt Barber ‘Irony Man’

I find Matt Barber really funny. Completely unaware that he’s a halfwit, he is a daily reminder of the power of the Dunning-Kruger Effect as he bellows and postures and says the most sublimely irrational things with complete confidence. And irony…oh, can that man generate irony. Enjoy this one:

There is no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

If there arose a global movement that loudly and proudly demanded “bunny equality,” and a dozen or more activist federal judges suddenly declared the Eastern Bunny to be real, and thousands of rabid rabbit wannabees pranced in pink bunny suit parades, all the while pretending to be, even believing themselves to be, Easter Bunnies, and liberal legislators passed “anti-discrimination” laws presuming to force everyone else to join in on the delusion (severely punishing those who refused), there’d still be no Easter Bunny…

Fairytales are for children.

Now remember, this is a guy who believes in talking snakes, burning bushes, Noah’s Ark, a global flood and that the earth is only 6000 years old. Criticizing others for believing in fairy tales. Fucking brilliant! But where’s he going with this? Here:

There is no such thing as “same-sex marriage.”

There can’t be.

It’s an idea no less silly than a giant pink bunny hiding eggs behind trees. It’s an oxymoron. It’s contradiction in terminis. It’s like pointing to your lawn and saying, “What a beautiful green sky.”

Oh, sure, there are thousands of people hopping around pretending to be, perhaps even believing themselves to be, “married” to someone of the same sex.

Such stupidity. Marriage is a legal designation. If the government gives same-sex couples a license and they sign the papers, they’re married. And it doesn’t matter what you think your God says about it.

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  • hunter

    Barber’s not self-aware enough to realize the inherent nonsense in his statements. Besides, his whole career is based on the necessity of recognizing no definition of marriage except the one dictated by his religion.

  • Mike Morris

    How obvious could this process be? I don’t believe Matt Barber exists. I truly believe no one that stupid could continue to feed and dress himself. My beliefs should count for something, right?

    Unfortunately, after reading Dispatches for quite a while, the number of people who meet this level of unbelief keep growing.

    Gordon Klingenshmitt

    Louie Gohmert

    Michelle Bachmann

    Steve King

    …. and the list goes on.

  • Mr Ed

    With apologies to Spider Robinson:

    “If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God Matt Barber is an iron.”

  • dingojack

    And what’s his special power?

    Superman was faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall building in a single bound. All ‘Irony Man’ can manage is transparently lame hyperbolic lying. Pathetic really.

    Dingo

  • iangould

    Someone should ask him if there’s such a thing as polygamous marriage.

  • Mike Morris

    Irony man’s special power is to be as dense as iron to any impact of reality.

  • John Pieret

    What’s Matty got against bunnys and why does he want to deny them the right to marry?

    Oh! He thought he was being clever?

    I wonder if even Dunning or Kruger ever considered that!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=523300770 stuartsmith

    If he really believes this, why is he so concerned about the government passing laws. I mean, if the government doesn’t have the power to make real marriages anyway, then why should he care. Just play along and then go to the pub and have a laugh with your friends about how stupid it is. If the government passed a law forbidding me from discriminating against people who have been cursed or haunted by ghosts, I would think it silly, but I certainly wouldn’t spend a whole bunch of time and money fighting against the legislation. His behavior makes sense only if you assume he’s lying through his teeth.

  • busterggi

    When it comes to imaginary beings, Barber is just splitting hares.

  • dingojack

    Or is it just another of his hare-brained ideas?

    Dingo

  • abb3w

    Bunnies are purely a social construct.

  • Scientismist

    Admittedly, it was not that long ago that anyone who wore a bunny suit could be arrested on the spot; but it has been a long time since the standard punishment was to be hung, drawn, and Hasenpfeffered. Today, they are allowed to have their Bunny Pride parades, and toleration for Lagomorphs is so advanced that at most large companies people can even eat carrots at their desks without being fired.

    But it is only common sense that such people should not be allowed to form rabbit households and adopt each other’s baby bunnies! And it is a clear violation of the rights of Easterophobes when a bakery is forced to decorate a cake with candy eggs!

    After all, the sign (and business license) clearly states: “CUSTOM CAKES (but only for customs and customers of which we approve)”. As Matt Barber says, anything else would be “contradictio in terminis.”

    (PS — the Latin term as Barber used it is correct, but I also Googled “terminis” and was directed to “Terminex” and to “Termini Brothers Italian Bakery” in SW Philadelphia. Their coffee cake looks good.)

  • scienceavenger

    Matt sure spends an awful lot of time talking about something he claims doesn’t exist. Why are you angry with marriage Matt?

  • Mobius

    Nonsense. Barber isn’t a half-wit. He would have to think twice to count as a half-wit.

  • dugglebogey

    If you remove the easter bunny from his analogy and you insert Santa Claus, doesn’t that exact scenario happen every christmas with his complete blessing?

  • spamamander, internet amphibian

    Irony man, irony man

    Irony man hates triangle man,

    get in a fight, triangle wins.

    Irony man.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    Is he live or dead?

    Has he thoughts within his head?