JW Leader: Gays Trying to Get You Into Skinny Jeans

You know, the LGBT community tries so hard to cover up that awful Gay Agenda and along comes one of the leaders of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and blows the lid off the conspiracy. He’s figured out that all those gay people in the fashion industry are just trying to get you into skinny jeans so they can check out your junk.

A member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses has warned of the perils of tight trousers designed by homosexuals.

Anthony Morris III, a senior member of the Church’s leadership, said: “For these young fellas, cause the older ones aren’t doing much of it thankfully, is the metrosexual look we’ve addressed that in the past.

“What’s happened now is that it’s really caught on more – the tight suit jacket and the tight pants. Better known as tight pants. They are tight all the way down to the ankles. It’s not appropriate. It’s not sound of mind.”

“The homosexuals that are designing these clothes – they’d like you in tight pants.”

And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those pesky JWs.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/charlie.cain chuck c

    I’m thinkin’ the last thing a gay man wants to see is me in skinny jeans.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    What about camel toe?

  • John Pieret

    And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those pesky JWs.

    Don’t forget the JWs big goofy dog.

  • dingojack

    I’m thinking that you could squeeze Anthony Morris III in nothing more than two-sizes too small fish-nets and he’d be safe from anyone being able to ‘check out his junk’.

    Dingo

  • abusedbypenguins

    Modus, would that be tight, translucent silk jeans?

  • lldayo

    If they wanted to see our junk wouldn’t they be trying to keep us out of pants altogether?

  • matty1

    Let me just say thank you The Homosexuals (TM) at least someone appreciates my ankles.

  • Mr Ed

    I for one think we should go back to a more godly time when men wore parachute pants as god wanted.

  • mordred

    A friend of mine once speculated my tight jeans were the reason I was occasionally thought to be gay. Back then I did not think it likely, but maybe she knew something, after all she is bisexual and might have had an insight into the agenda?

  • marcus

    I know it is difficult for all you skinny, narrow-assed folks to relate to, but if you had a really great ass (as I do) you would understand that this is deadly serious. Sure, I have to put up with cat-calling and lurid remarks when I pass those young, gay blades at the street corner as I walk to work, and at one point I was considering taking this stalwart JW’s advice, and eschew the so-called “tight pants”. However, upon deeper consideration, I decided that I owe it to my public and my admirers, difficult as it may be, to continue to bring a little joy into their otherwise sordid and and meaningless existence. So I shall.

  • moarscienceplz

    Wait until the gays force us all to memorize Barbara Streisand songs. Then you all will be sorry!

  • Crimson Clupeidae

    So, the gays are responsible for all the hipsters in Portland?

    I guess we do have a reason to hate them now….. 😛

  • John Pieret

    moarscienceplz:

    No, worse will be when they make us all do Bette Midler impressions.

  • Sastra

    First the gays made guys want to wear pants so big and loose they constantly risked falling down — and now this!

  • Robert B.

    Wait, so there are popular fashions designed to make you sexually attractive? Oh, no!

  • scienceavenger

    But…I thought it was the lesbos trying to get us all into loosefitting jeans.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    I’ve often – well, occasionally – wondered if the gay man who reportedly invented shoulder pads for women wanted to make them look more masculine.

  • caseloweraz

    A member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses has warned of the perils of tight trousers designed by homosexuals.

    So then, tight pants designed by heterosexuals are okay?

    And I guess Steve Martin is lucky he’s no longer doing his “tight pants that give us great bulges” routine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=730511544 billdaniels

    We gays know better than to do this. This is what would happen: the men who would look good in skinny pants will not wear them and the men who look terrible in them will. This law also applies to public nudity.

  • John Pieret

    billdaniels:

    The worst are the men who wear Speedos when they shouldn’t.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    John Pieret “The worst are the men who wear Speedos when they shouldn’t.”

    It’s “Spee do”, not “Spee don’t”.*

     

    * h/t, Newsradio

  • JPS

    The worst are the men who wear Speedos when they shouldn’t.

    Reminds me of a “Dear Abby” response from a few decades ago. A writer asked if it was good form for a woman to wear a bikini at the beach. Abby’s response: “If your form is good form it is good form. Otherwise, otherwise.”

  • magistramarla

    When I was in high school in the early ’70s, everyone wore tight jeans. Most of us girls had to lay down on a bed to zip the darn things. The boys wore theirs so tight that nothing was left to the imagination.

    Fashion always seems to circle back, so when I noticed the young people wearing skinny jeans again, I simply assumed that the fashion pendulum had made a swing back to the fashions of my youth.

    Hmmm, has the “gay agenda” been at work for over 40 years?

  • dingojack

    John Pieret – like Tony Abbot for example. :)

    Dingo

    ———

    Perhaps the answer to the ‘skinny jeans/junk checking problem’ is to wear the red-blooded heterosexual Burqa, what do ya think JWs?

  • some bastard on the internet

    …the tight suit jacket and the tight pants. Better known as tight pants.

    Wow, sure glad he clarified that, or I’d have no idea he was talking about tight pants the whole time!

  • John Pieret

    Dingo:

    like Tony Abbot for example

    Pass the brain bleach please.

    And if there is a picture of Bill Clinton in one and you have an ounce of human decency … don’t tell me!

  • smrnda

    @17 Pierce

    Some theorize shoulder blades for women came from Rachel’s outfit in Blade Runner. Not sure the orientation of the designer, but if someone can find an earlier incidence of those ridiculous shoulder blades…

  • gog

    You know, I wore that tight jacket, tight jeans combo to a gay wedding earlier this year. I could have been in danger! I’ll never make that mistake again.

  • dingojack

    Dynasty predated Bladerunner by about a year.

    Dingo

  • eric

    This makes me want Ralph Lauren to put out a fasion line of codpieces, just to make this guy’s head explode.

  • http://onhandcomments.blogspot.com/ left0ver1under

    the perils of tight trousers designed by homosexuals.

    Yeah, right. The fashion industry is run by people who think everyone has the same physique. The only reason they ever change anything is to sell product, not to fill customers’ needs. I don’t know about anyone else, but stretch jeans have been a boon. I hadn’t worn jeans in 20 years, khakis were the only thing that fit.

    moarscienceplz (#11) –

    Wait until the gays force us all to memorize Barbara Streisand songs. Then you all will be sorry!

    A fate worse than deaf.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    smrnda @ # 27 & dingojack @ # 29 – Blade Runner came out in ’82, and a quick search for “Lily Tomlin, shoulder pads” (in vain hopes of finding a link to a great scene she did with her pads coming loose and wandering around her clothing) found a lot of shoulder pad references circa 1979/80.

    The wikipffft article for shoulder pads discusses only the American-football kind (and has no citations anyway).

    The designer I heard popularized that style was Yves St. Laurent, but searching for anything involving his name gives you an unending list of clothing for sale, and nothing else; his wikibio doesn’t mention shoulder pads.