Robertson Explains How to Cleanse Yourself of Sex

Pat Robertson, always quick with incredibly helpful advice, did a story on the 700 Club about a woman who used to be a stripper until Jesus saved her. Ol’ Pat has a message for all women who may have had sex in unapproved ways on how to cleanse themselves with the blood of the lamb.

“How many men — dozens — has she had relations with?” Robertson wondered. “How many had ogled her naked body as she was dancing, how many had groped at her, and fondled her, and made obscene remarks about her, and used her?”

“And yet, Jesus Christ looked at Polly and said, ‘Polly, you’re clean,” the televangelist continued.

Robertson asked the female viewers of his show what they had done to make themselves “sinners.”

“Have you done something that you’re ashamed of? Have you had an abortion? Have you murdered somebody? Have you had multiple sex partners and you’re ashamed of it? Have you caught some sexual disease? What have you done?”

The TV preacher then offered “the opportunity to say yes,” and to take God’s “free gift” of “cleansing.”

Robertson concluded with an upsell: “What if you sin in the future after this, what happens to you? And what happens when the Lord comes back, what about his Second Coming?”

I’ll tell you this much, Pat. There isn’t a stripper or porn star in the world with more to be ashamed of than you. They may have fucked more people than you think they should, but you’ve fucked millions and millions of desperate and credulous people out of their money. I would never use the word “whore” to apply to them, but I’ll sure as hell use it for you.

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  • matty1

    “Have you done something that you’re ashamed of? Have you had an abortion? Have you murdered somebody? Have you had multiple sex partners and you’re ashamed of it? Have you caught some sexual disease? What have you done?”

    Only one of these things is a reason to feel ashamed in my opinion.

  • Larry

    I assume he’ll be addressing the men on the same topic in next weeks show. Right?

  • John Pieret

    I’m with Larry:

    “How many men — dozens — has she had relations with?” Robertson wondered. “How many had ogled her naked body as she was dancing, how many had groped at her, and fondled her, and made obscene remarks about her, and used her?”

    So when is Ol’ Pat going to be telling those men that they have “something that you’re ashamed of” and need “cleansing”?

  • Trebuchet

    I’m picturing Ol’ Pat having a Second Coming while he imagines all the stuff these women have been doing. Now I need my mind washed out.

  • http://www.literateperversions.com Chris Hall

    Beautiful post up until the last line, which is remarkably tone-deaf:

    I would never use the word “whore” to apply to them, but I’ll sure as hell use it for you.

    Regardless of the intent, that’s still using the stigma against sex work to insult Robertson.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Robertson apparently doesn’t realise that you can be a virgin until your wedding night, and still get an STD if your spouse has one.

  • illdoittomorrow

    “How many men — dozens — has she had relations with?” Robertson wondered. “How many had ogled her naked body as she was dancing, how many had groped at her, and fondled her, and made obscene remarks about her, and used her?”

    Besides being creepy, skeevy, and generally disgusting, I get a distinctly jealous vibe from this.

    “Have you done something that you’re ashamed of? Have you had an abortion? Have you murdered somebody? Have you had multiple sex partners and you’re ashamed of it? Have you caught some sexual disease? What have you done?”

    The TV preacher then offered “the opportunity to say yes,” and to take God’s “free gift” of “cleansing.”

    One of these things is not like the others… but while we think on that, ladies, please call Robertson’s fundie version of Penthouse Forum right now!

    Ed, at 0: “I would never use the word “whore” to apply to them, but I’ll sure as hell use it for you.”

    I’ll second what Chris Hall said, and add that Robertson is the exploiter (if that’s a word) here, while sex workers, to mu knowledge, rarely if ever are.

  • sabrekgb

    Have you murdered somebody? … Have you caught some sexual disease?

    Murder is the new herpes.

  • grumpyoldfart

    what happens when the Lord comes back, what about his Second Coming?”

    So they’re obviously not counting wet dreams as “comings”.

  • Synfandel

    Dove soap and Pert shampoo are WAY more effective cleansers than lambs’ blood.

  • magistramarla

    As for me, I’ll never repent of any unapproved sexual experience that I’ve ever had. Sex is too much fun to feel ashamed about.

  • bushrat

    You see Pat, we have these things called showers that are pretty good at cleaning off the sex. If you’d get out of the 19th century you’d know that.

  • anubisprime

    Definitely a case of…

    “Come on now baby and get into my big black car and I will show you just what my politics are”