Glenn Beck: The Walt Disney of Planet Wingnuttia

During an hour-long special last week, Glenn Beck laid out his grand vision for how he plans to become the Walt Disney of Planet Wingnuttia. He’s shifting his focus to moviemaking, like that horrible looking movie about Santa being a badass warrior protecting Jesus.

In order to fund all of these projects, Beck is selling t-shirts and various pieces of artwork, as well as tickets to a “Keys to the Kingdom” event where, for $5000, attendees will get to spend an entire day at Beck’s studio where they will have an opportunity to look behind the scenes at all of the projects that Beck has in the works.

Beck spent the last segment of his radio broadcast promoting these fundraising efforts along with Ben McPherson, whom Beck has hired to bring all of his visions to life, and the two explained that the fundamental purpose behind every project they do is to turn Beck and his The Blaze network into the Walt Disney of Jesus stories.

“I’m modeling everything on Disney,” Beck said, explaining that his network was built in order to have a platform from which to spread his vision and stories, all of which are going to be about Jesus in one way or another. “We are driven by telling the story of Christ in every way we possibly can.”

“It shouldn’t be overt,” McPherson added, “but it should always point to him in some way.”

“You will always see in everything that we do, there will always be something that you go ‘oh my gosh, look at that, I wonder if they knew [that was a reference to Jesus]?'” Beck said. “Yes. Yes we did. Yes we did.”

He’s always inventing new ways to separate his followers from their money.

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  • Kevin Kehres

    Grifters gotta grift. And Beck isn’t the first to notice that there seems to be no shortage of suckers.

    But $5000? For a studio tour? The Warner Brothers VIP tour is $54.00.

    Methinks Beck misplaced a dot.

  • matty1

    “I’m modeling everything on Disney,”

    Goofy is a particular inspiration.

  • Jared James

    Galt’s Gulch didn’t separate enough suckers from their money, so why not Beckistani World?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It’s like Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, if the entire movie was the tunnel sequence.

  • grumpyoldfart

    His wife probably asked for a new car and he said, “I’ll see if I can get the idiots in my audience to pay for it.”

  • alanb

    I think that James Cameron also raised money for Titanic and Avatar by selling t-shirts.

  • raven

    What happened to the angel Moroni, the Nephites, the Lamanites, and the whole cast of the Book of Mormon?

    Beck is a Mormon convert but he rarely acts like they even exist any more. IIRC, he goes to some fundie megachurch these days.

    The LDS leadership won’t care though. As long as he keeps tithing. Their top three concerns are money, money, and money. The Mormon church takes in $7 billion a year, a lot for a small sect.

  • raven

    Glenn Beck is Planning a $2 Billion Libertarian Commune in …

    blogs. dallasobserver. com/…/01/glenn_beck_is_planning_a_2_bil.php?…

    Jan 11, 2013 – Beck doesn’t specify where in Texas this community will be, whether it will be … I love that the only argument the left can come up with against Beck is that … Kind of smells like Glenn Beck would like to be the next Jim Jones.

    1. Whatever happened to Beck’s Galt Gulch AKA Beckistan? A year ago, he was going to set up a Libertarian paradise in Texas, for $2 billion.

    It seems to have sunk without a trace.

    2. Beck has a history of announcing huge plans with great hype. They subsequently disappear. Not too long ago he was hyping his Man in the Moon revival show. It was held is Salt Lake City and almost no one noticed it.

    I suspect this will go the same way.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Somewhere in Burbank, a couple of Disney lawyers went “Hmmmm….” They’re a tad sensitive about people treading on their trademarks and “Keys to the Kingdom,” especially when naming Disney is edging towards thin ice.

    I can see the comparison, though. Walt was a man of vision and talent, who surrounded himself with even more talented people and gave them the freedom to create. Beck is a moron surrounded by morons. Totally the same thing. If you’re a moron, that is.

  • raven

    “We are driven by telling the story of Christ in every way we possibly can.”

    Actually, he is modeling it on Kevin Sorbo, Kirk Cameron, Rick Satanorum, Sarah Palin, etc. all who have made B grade xian movies recently. They didn’t make all that much money but they were cheap to make so it didn’t matter.

    It’s a niche market. And my guess is as the hordes of scammers and coypcats rush in, they will saturate it and reduce profits to about nothing. It is xian rock for the DVD’s and cable TV.

  • busterggi

    I remember Disney when his show first came on and then later became Disney’s Wonderful World of Color. I take it Beck’s version will be the Wonderful World of Whites Only.

    And Disney knew that constantly referencing Mickey Mouse would be boring so he developed lots of properties. Beck’s Jesus is already shopworn from 2000 years of reruns with no new stories.

  • Sastra

    “You will always see in everything that we do, there will always be something that you go ‘oh my gosh, look at that, I wonder if they knew [that was a reference to Jesus]?’” Beck said. “Yes. Yes we did. Yes we did.”

    That’s also a wonderful way to secularize religion.

    Cuts both ways — and our way makes sense.

  • eric

    I think Raven is right in @8: this is just his scheme-of-the-month. It’ll flop, and a month from now he’ll be asking his followers for money to support some new scheme. I give the odds of one Beck movie being released about 30% (and only that much because he seems to already have some trailors), and the chance of a second Beck movie ever being released about 0.03%.

  • Donnie

    @11 Busterggi

    And Disney knew that constantly referencing Mickey Mouse would be boring so he developed lots of properties. Beck’s Jesus is already shopworn from 2000 years of reruns with no new stories.

    Well, Santa being the warrior for Jesus is new. In “South Park”, Jesus and Santa were arch-nemesis. So, Beck does have that going for him.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    ♫♪ Jay Ee Ee ♪ ♪

    ♩ ♪ Zee You Ess

    Cee Aitch Arr Eye Ess Tee!♪ ♫

  • arakasi

    So if Disney World is the Happiest Place on Earth, will Beck World be the Crappiest Place on Earth?

  • Dave Maier

    I’m reminded of the scene from The Simpsons where Dr. Hibbert is testifying in Bart’s trial (for assaulting a waiter was it?). Anyway, Dr. H is speaking of “the evil gene”: “Hitler had it; Walt Disney had it; [and Bart has it]”. Maybe Beck has it too?

  • lorn

    Thinking of Beck the phrase ‘wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross’ comes to mind.

  • raven

    Thinking of Beck the phrase ‘wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross’ comes to mind.

    ???? Mormons don’t use the cross as a symbol!!! They consider it insulting because the cross was an execution method.

    You can tell Mormon churches, which aren’t really churches because they call them Meeting Houses or some such, because they don’t have a cross, they have a spire.

    It should be, “Beck wrapped in a flag, the drapes, wearing a lampshade, and waving a spire around.”

    All this of course is a classic example of ethnogenesis and schismatic religion.

  • throwaway, never proofreads, every post a gamble

    Don’t forget the magic underwear. Always good for a laugh.