Breaking: Hours of Prayer Needed to Recognize One’s Own Douchebaggery

So you’ve probably heard by now about Elizabeth Lauten, the communications director for a Republican congressman, posting some really classless and stupid comments about the presidential daughters, who seemed less than thrilled to take part in the annual turkey pardon. If not, here’s what she had to say:

“Try showing a little class,” Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for Rep. Stephen Lee Fincher (Tenn.), wrote Friday in a Facebook posting addressed to Sasha, 13, and Malia, 16, chastising them for their comportment during last week’s annual turkey pardoning event at the White House.

“Rise to the occasion. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at the bar,” Lauten wrote. “And certainly don’t make faces during televised, public events.”…

In her post, Lauten also took a dig at the president and first lady, saying “your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department.”

But that’s not the part of the story that I find fascinating. It’s her apology and the reason for it that cracks me up:

Hours after the original post, Lauten followed up with a second post apologizing for her critique. “I quickly judged the two young ladies in a way that I would never have wanted to be judged myself as a teenager,” she wrote.

“After many hours of prayer, talking to my parents, and re-reading my words online I can see more clearly just how hurtful my words were. . . . I pledge to learn and grow (and I assure you I have) from this experience.”

Wait, it took hours of prayer? Why would it take hours? Could God not have just said “you’re being an asshole, cut it out” in the first few seconds? It took hours of prayer to figure this out? What the hell did you actually say in this prayer for hours? Of course, that isn’t really the point of mentioning prayer. She did that because it provides an extra bit of holiness to her apology — “See, God has made me a better person now, so it’s all better.”

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  • John Pieret

    “See, God has made me a better person now, so it’s all better.”

    Too bad that omniscient, omnipotent dog couldn’t see that you were going to grow up to be a douchebag and prevented it in the first place.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Maybe she should’ve thrown in a few prayers for a new job &/or a golden parachute:

    GOP Staffer Who Said Obama Daughters Lack ‘Class’ To Resign.

  • Artor

    Gosh, why can’t the Obama girls be paragons of restraint and class like the Bush daughters?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    To be fair, it is pretty bad that kids would be bored by something that kids are bored by. “Pretend to be interested the entire time while we act out a lazy annual ritual, pretending free some turkeys that you know damn well are ending up on the plate eventually anyway.”

  • eric

    Its also a notpology – note she talks about herself, herself, and herself becoming a better person. Not one word actually written to the Obama children.

  • Trebuchet

    This part:

    In her post, Lauten also took a dig at the president and first lady, saying “your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department.”

    is getting no attention in the media, that I’ve seen, and deserves it. It’s become the Republican party line that Obama hates America. I don’t recall anyone actually saying that about GWB in his eight years. And of course, the R’s are all whining about the biased news media. You can expect cries of “They’re persecuting her for being Christian” any moment now.

  • bushrat

    Well the Obama girls are completely out of control, showing their ankles in public. Not like the Bush twins, those girls were wholesome and honest…I mean except for the drugs, alcohol and public flashing. those were probably just liberal plots to discredit Dubya.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    Too bad it wasn’t the Palin brats. Then the story would have been about how persecuted and victimized they were by the media. And the media would have probably proven the point by giving them another television show.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    “Oh Lord, please help me find more acceptable words to use when calling the President’s daughters skanks.”

    It took her hours to realize that the Lord wasn’t going to help her with that one, so she went with plan B: the weak apology.

  • hunter

    Not only did she have to spend hours in prayer, she had to talk to her parents. I wonder who it was that finally clued her in?

  • cjcolucci

    Actually, I can see why it would take her hours of prayer, and even talking to someone who can talk back, like parents. Anyone whose head is so far up her ass that she can’t immediately see what was wrong with what she wanted to do and not do it necessarily needs a lot of help.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    “Rise to the occasion. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at the bar,” Lauten wrote. “And certainly don’t make faces during televised, public events.”…

    I just watched the video, and they did not make any faces, unless smiling politely is considered making a face. And their dress is perfectly appropriate, if casual.

    The problem isn’t that she’s judging these kids in a way she wouldn’t want to be judged herself, she’s judging them in a way she wouldn’t have judged anyone if she didn’t already have a giant hate-on and wasn’t looking for some lame excuse to demean them. I’m surprised God didn’t strike her down with boils, if he’s all they say he is.

  • vereverum

    re hunter #10

    Not only did she have to spend hours in prayer, she had to talk to her parents. I wonder who it was that finally clued her in?

    Probably the gentleman from Tennessee, though whether it was his own idea or perhaps JB’s I don’t know.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360322113 aaronbaker

    I’ve noticed that a lot of the really gutter-level abuse heaped on the Obamas includes allegations of “classlessness”: “they’re trashing the place and it isn’t their place”–that kind of bullshit. This aide seems to have absorbed a bit of it and then regurgitated it where she shouldn’t have.

  • busterggi

    The girls should have stood there totally oblivious while someone behind them repeatedly decapitated turkeys in front of the cameras. Its a conservative respectful thing to do as I recall.

  • chilidog99

    Here she is in her glory

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B3x3_X9IUAIw5jp.png

    No hands!

  • tfkreference
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1360322113 aaronbaker

    @16:

    Now THAT’s classy!

  • Doc Bill

    Annnnnnd, she lost her job.

    Serves her right.

    I liked the part where she wrote she talked with her parents about her boo-boo. Talked with her parents? What is she, in the eighth grade?

    I’m just glad that for ONCE somebody didn’t “double down” on the douchbaggery.

  • gwangung

    Well, she could have accused them of being classless shoplifters.

    Oh. Wait. That was HER/

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/Elizabeth-Lauten-arrest-786543

  • dannorth

    Contrary to those who describe what she said as a notpology I see in her declaration an acknowledgement of having done something wrong. It may be a weak apology but it’s the best I have seen from a conservative in a long while.

    It may be why she had to resign. I think it’s written somewhere in the oath they have to take that a conservative can never admit that he’s wrong.

  • anubisprime

    She was just baying louder and more macho with the pack.

    Hoping someone sees in her a rising star in Republican politics maybe.

    The risible assertion that she ‘had’ to pray to some spurious god for hours before realizing she was well off the beaten path pays scant testament to her parents who must be so proud of their shoplifting judgmentally pompous but classless daughter.

    Republicans in general seem very keen on scraping the barrel in their rhetoric, language and gutter innuendo’s backed up by dubious and unrelated ‘facts’ it seems obvious that some bystanders pick up on the vibe and want to emulate their heroes…

    But when they go for the children of their opponents they not only cross the line they demonstrate how unsuitable they are for being involved at any level of policy decision, from the fiscal budget to what bog paper is suitable for government employees to typing up the minutes of meetings of their lord and master, to even ordering his taxi.

    Going after the children of the President of the United States shows quite clearly that they have absolutely no respect for their own , let alone the historic position and privilege that a President of the United States should inherit as a given, let alone a direct insult to the democratic will of the majority of people that voted for that President.

    They are dissing their own traditions and culture, how American pie is that?

    Not so much patriotic more pathetic and downright bitter and nasty.

    She will make a fine Christian…but little else.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    After many hours of prayer…

    Seriously? Most people who claim to talk to God get their corrective information a lot quicker than that. They say God is slow to anger, but I’ve never heard it said he’s slow to answer a simple question about basic manners. In fact, the answer she was looking for was written down in a very famous book more than a thousand years before she was born!