Barton’s Vision for a Christian Theocracy

It’s always good when Christian totalitarians just come right out and tell us what they really want. We’ve always known that David Barton was a theocrat, but in a recent interview he came right out and said it, arguing that the law should make sure that every single aspect of life is line with (his own bizarre interpretation of) the Bible.

On marriage, Barton called for the elimination of no-fault divorce, and afterr repeating his claim that the Sixth Amendment’s guarantee of our right to confront our accusers came directly out of the Bible, Barton said that conservative Christians need to make sure that everything from economics to contracts to employer-employee relations operates according to strictly biblical principles.

Once again citing the importance of Christians wielding total control over the Seven Mountains of culture, Barton demanded that society uphold “a biblical view on computer programing” and fondly recalled how, until the 1960s, Hollywood could not release any film “unless the church approved it.”

“Until we get back into saying, you know, I’ve got to have a biblical view on computer programming, I’ve got to have a biblical view as a business, as a Chamber of Commerce, whatever it is,” Barton said, “if we don’t get that back to where everyone has a common worldview and, based on our documents, that is there is a God, he gives you a certain set of rights, government protects those rights, he gives a fixed moral law that I’m not allowed to alter and then, below that, I can make decisions, until we get back to the common understanding of the nation, we won’t have a stable nation.”

I can’t wait until he tells us which verses from the iron or bronze age tells us “verbatim” what we should think and do about computer programming like he has for the Constitution, can you?

httpv://youtu.be/G0qdBIMpSGE

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  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    “a biblical view on computer programing”???

    WTF!!?!?!?1?!

    That can only mean that we don’t do it (could we even use an abacus??)

    And I’ll be out of a job!!!

  • Kaintukee Bob

    Mr. Barton, I have a problem. You see, my Jenkin’s task is failing to properly deliver .ttf files to the server. Obviously, as it is a disobedient slave (the master being the instance of Jenkins running on a different server) I must beat it. But the server the slave Jenkins is running on is virtualized. Which box do I need to beat?

    Given that these are computer servers, am I permitted to adjust my methods of beating? I believe I would quickly hurt my hands were I to deliver it manually, and most biblically-approved sticks would break, yet it hasn’t – quite – been misbehaving badly enough to be stoned to death.

    What does your book say I should do?

    Also, does it give any advice on parallelizing my class which appears to be thread-safe but is, for some reason, having memory corruption issues?

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    …conservative Christians need to make sure that everything from economics to contracts to employer-employee relations operates according to strictly biblical principles.

    “OK, everyone, we got the regulations from HR – And if a manager smite his hourly, or his secretary, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely receive slightly fewer stock options. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his corporate asset.”

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    I love how the Bible really DOES speak to all areas of law, even today!

    I love the Bible’s take on copyrights and how long they should last; I love its explanation of the DMCA and takedown provisions. I love the Bible’s take on patent law and how to deal with NPEs/trolls; I love how it elegantly explains the first sale doctrine as applied to genetically modified seeds! Thank you God, for giving us all the answers in advance!!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    You people are overcomplicating this. “Strict biblical principles” are easy. Power is top-down, obedience is bottom-up.

  • raven

    Barton said, “if we don’t get that back to where everyone has a common worldview…

    There is no such thing as a xian worldview!!! There never has been!!!

    Xianity has always been fragmented. Today there are 42,000 sects in an ever growing cloud of silliness.

    Before we took away their armies and heavy weapons, the xian sects used to fight wars among themselves that killed many millions. There are a lot of US xians that would consider David Barton a gibbering fool or scamming conperson.

    PS: There aren’t two worldviews either, biblical or reality based. There are hundreds, thousands, or millions of worldviews, depending on where you draw the lines.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=666775545 jamesredekop

    I wonder what the Bible has to say about the P=NP problem. I want to see chapter & verse.

  • briandavis

    I wonder what the Bible has to say about the P=NP problem.

    The book of revelation is a description of what will happen to the universe at the instant when someone proves that either P=NP or P!=NP.

  • DukeOfOmnium

    This, of course, would mean that banks could no longer charge, or pay, interest. God didn’t know that money has a time value. (Allah didn’t learn it, either)

  • U Frood

    Does he want to go back to forbidding the charging of interest?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    “a biblical view on computer programming”

    Just think how much “pi = 3” is going to simplify algorithms. Now all that complex trigonometry can be done with integer math!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    … and fondly recalled how, until the 1960s, Hollywood could not release any film “unless the church approved it.”

    What does Barton mean by “the church”? To me, that would mean the Holy Roman Catholic Church. But Barton is a Protestant, and so presumably would not be happy under Catholic governance. Does he have some fictional notion of a “Christian church” which overlooks all the disagreements and incompatibilities between the numerous sects?

  • U Frood

    If we’re basing our laws on the Bible, we’ll need SOMEBODY to be an authority on it. Does he really want Obama to appoint a Theologian General?

  • Donnie

    God Damn creeping Sharia law! I thought that we were against it? Will we be required to start wearing single fibre clothes, not cut our hair / beards, forcing MRAs to marry the women they rape after paying the fathers 50 sheckles and a couple of goats (inflation)? Stop eating shell fish? fuck that! I am making spicy scallops for a dinner party and paired with a sweet white wine, are fucking phenomenal.

    I will take my chances pissing off god by continuing to eat my shellfish.

  • Sastra

    Reginald Selkirk #12 wrote:

    Does he have some fictional notion of a “Christian church” which overlooks all the disagreements and incompatibilities between the numerous sects?

    Sure … until secularism is taken care of. Then watch the hijinks ensue.

    ... there is a God, he gives you a certain set of rights…

    Yeah, well who gave God the right to make up rights and give them out? This is just anarchy.

  • Kevin Kehres

    @6 raven…

    How many people are there in the world? I’m thinking there about that many worldviews. No more, certainly, but not that many less. Even a baby in a crib has zir own unique worldview.

    The wonder of it is how we managed to herd even a handful of cats in order to establish rules that keep the lights on and the trains running 15 minutes late.

  • theguy

    “if we don’t get that back to where everyone has a common worldview”

    enforced by deportation, censorship, or murder,

    “and, based on our documents, that is there is a God, he gives you a certain set of rights”

    such as the right to obey and the right to never ask questions,

    “he gives a fixed moral law that I’m not allowed to alter”

    unless you’re REALLY rich and REALLY white,

    “until we get back to the common understanding of the nation, we won’t have a stable nation”

    I think the biggest source of instability in this country is theocrats such as Carton Barton of Crap.

  • blf

    Here is some babbling nonsensical computer programming, originally chiseled out on stone tables in mystic scratches, but translated here into SkyFaerieBurble:

    PRIEST:

       BELLOW "TITHE MORE!",

       TAKE ALL YOU GET,

       THEN DO IT AGAIN.

    FEMALE:

       SPREAD LEGS NAKED,

       THEN PREPARE DINNER,

       AND DO IT ALL AGAIN AND AGAIN TILL DEAD.

    SLAVE:

       OBEY OBEY OBEY!

    OTHERS:

       AN ABOMINATION,

       KILLED IT MUST BE.

  • mikeym

    God’s first mention of a programming language is in Genesis 8:7:

    And he sent FORTH a raven, which went FORTH to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the Earth.

  • busterggi

    Just tell me the important stuff – can I still get 50 silver shekels for selling my daughter?

  • had3

    One would think that rights given by an all powerful deity wouldn’t need an earthly government for enforcement.